If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?

[Anonymous]

I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, I have friends who were totally snubbed in private high schools because they couldn't afford the things common among their peers.

+ 1

I had this experience as well. The vacations these people took. My god. I felt like such a rube in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

Oh, please, UVA is hardly settling. The comments on DCUM are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I do appreciate it, but their sacrifice caused me to have anxiety, and I have told my children that we are paying for public school and in state colleges. I don't want my kids to know I sacrificed buying new clothing for 10 years to allow them to go to private college.

[Anonymous]

My widowed mother saved to send my brother and I to expensive private colleges. I truly appreciated it, worked hard, got a good job and now a C-suite Executive.
My younger brother joined the frat, partied, failed a couple classes twice, became Communications major, stunted in go nowhere non-profit after non-profit job, and now is customer service call rep, with mix of HS and college grads. Waste of money for him, but he loved his college experience.

So mixed results. Honestly, I will evaluate it kid by kid. I think each of our success levels could have been predicted.

[Anonymous]

Why live in Bethesda if you're not going to take advantage of the good schools?

You could move 5 minutes out from where you live and buy a nice updated house. It seems like you've set yourselves up for the worst of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why live in Bethesda if you're not going to take advantage of the good schools?

You could move 5 minutes out from where you live and buy a nice updated house. It seems like you've set yourselves up for the worst of both worlds.

+1

[Anonymous]

Snark aside, this really boils down to your kids and their personalities. If your kids are the extroverted type who have a good amount of self confidence, they would probably do fine in public schools, and you're just digging a financial hole for yourself. Private school for the sake of private school is stupid.

If your kids are introverted and do better in a smaller environment, then it's worth wearing Old Navy to put them in a school where they are more comfortable.

I was the latter case, and I went from being shy and insecure in public school to being a big fish in a little pond in a private school. Yeah, I got taken down a few pegs when I went to college, but by that time I was mature enough to handle it. Private school undoubtedly was the best fit for my personality.

[Anonymous]

I went to a girls' private school. I definitely appreciate my parents' sacrifice, but I only appreciated parts of my school experience and don''t send my kids to a private school. I got a good education, but so did my husband who went to mediocre public schools. We both ended up at the same Ivy League. That's because we both had parents who really cared about our education, sent us to summer enrichment programs, and spared no expense when it came to anything education-related. What I didn't like was the cattiness of some cliques (you'll find that anywhere but harder to escape when your class only has 64 people in it) and the entitled culture that permeated my school. There was also lots of drinking, drugs, sex parties, etc. In retrospect, it also seemed there were a disproportionate number of girls with eating disorders.

I also felt I missed out on things like Homecoming, band and other quintessential American high school experiences. With my own kids, I'd rather send them to public school and take them on vacations, send them to summer enrichment, etc.

Best of luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

Oh, please, UVA is hardly settling. The comments on DCUM are ridiculous.

It is if you've lived all your life in VA. Kids want to go away to someplace new and exciting for college. You sound like you don't know any teenagers. They are not known for practicality or financial prudence. All they will hear at private school, where they will be surrounded by families with more money then sense is, "Best friend A is going to Williams! OMG! Best friend B is going to Stanford! OMG! Kid C is going to U Chicago! OMG! That fucking loser is going to NYU! OMG. The Valedictorian is going to Harvard! OMG.". And your kid will be going to UVA Big whoop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

Oh, please, UVA is hardly settling. The comments on DCUM are ridiculous.

It is if you've lived all your life in VA. Kids want to go away to someplace new and exciting for college. You sound like you don't know any teenagers. They are not known for practicality or financial prudence. All they will hear at private school, where they will be surrounded by families with more money then sense is, "Best friend A is going to Williams! OMG! Best friend B is going to Stanford! OMG! Kid C is going to U Chicago! OMG! That fucking loser is going to NYU! OMG. The Valedictorian is going to Harvard! OMG.". And your kid will be going to UVA Big whoop.

Right. UVA is a good school but to many teenagers growing up in state, it does feel like settling in the sense of not going anywhere exciting. The OP asked if his/her kids will be grateful that she scrimped and saved all their lives to put them through private k-12. And if they have to go public/take out student loans for college and grad school because of that, the answer is, probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of friends who send their kids to private when the public options are as good or better than the private ones. They say they're doing it "for the arts" or "small class sizes". I suspect it's because they wanted to go to private themselves and see it as a status thing, now they've arrived, etc.
our kids are at public when we both went to private all the way through, because the privates where we live are not worth the expense and we don't care about status. Because we've already been to private ourselves we know it's not the end all be all, look at me I've arrived status symbol our friends crave.

You sound like a great friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

Oh, please, UVA is hardly settling. The comments on DCUM are ridiculous.

NP here. And of course UVA is not settling. My kids are in public, and we are covering 100% of public (VA) for college. But cannot cover most privates at 100%. So once we have in state college covered, extra is going to either help with grad school or give them more choice in where to attend college. I think the point is to prioritize private college and/or making grad school debt free over private high school. Which I agree with. People care about where you went to grad school more than college, and about college more than high school (and I say that as a parent of a TJ kid, so I "get" brand name high school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why live in Bethesda if you're not going to take advantage of the good schools?

You could move 5 minutes out from where you live and buy a nice updated house. It seems like you've set yourselves up for the worst of both worlds.

I hope OP responds to this.

Why not move out of Bethesda and live in a cheaper nicer fully updated house? It makes no sense to pay a premium for the Bethesda schools if you're not going to use them. In your case you could move 5 min closer into DC or further out and get a much better house. Why Bethesda if you're going private?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a blue collar family and we lived in a bad school district. My parents worked hard and made sacrifices to send us to Catholic school from preschool through high school. They also helped pay for college. I absolutely appreciate it as an adult. I got a great education and loved my schools.