If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate it and think it still plays a part in my life today. I didn't go to big 3 type schools but small privates. My parents grew up in the rural south and moved to the suburbs of a large city. Although we lived in a lovely typical 3 bedroom 2 bath home that was very well decorated and always clean our public schools were failing. I'm thankful that my parents worked hard to send us to private school. I was able to learn a lot and experience other cultures/lifestyles that prepared me for success. I send my children to private school and I still thank my parents for doing that for me. If I had the option of good public schools it might not matter as much.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't have much saved for college- I had to get a scholarship and pay the rest myself. I had to work a lot of hours, and didn't get to do any internships or study abroad programs like my friends did. I'm not resentful but I do want my daughter to have more opportunities. So I'm saving as much money as possible for her, out of my not-large income.

[Anonymous]

I think there is difference here between paying for parochial school (religiously affiliated, often with a local parish; moderately-priced tuition) versus private (elite academics; very high-priced tuition). Posters here seem to be interchanging the two. I think the former is worthwhile for the values-based foundation, if that fits your family's beliefs. The latter is of value only for a very select few who prioritize the social affluence and networking aspects.

[Anonymous]

My parents scrimped and saved to send me and my brother to private school. I appreciate the fact that they were trying to do what they thought was best at the time, but I think it was a very poor decision all around. They 100% compromised their ability to retire (ditto to PPs who have pointed out that this can and DOES happen to working professionals). Health issues cropped up in one of my parents when I was about 16 and my sister was 11, and neither of my parents were able to take their foot off the gas pedal at work to deal with what they needed to deal with. It was absolutely horrible and the stress made the medical issues worse. Today, they are in debt up to their eyeballs and they still make poor financial decisions. It is stressful, because I feel responsible for it all, even though I would have made very different decisions. The money would have been better spent enjoying life a bit more - dinners out as a family and vacations, which we were never able to take. For my own family, we are doing public. We purchased in a 1300 sq foot place, in a top shelf, close-in suburb so we can take advantage of the schools while building equity. I wished my parents planned better and got into a good school district early on in the game where they could have done the same.

In this area, I see a lot of parents sending their completely average children to private school, where they are told they are something special. I think that sort of thing sets your kid up for needing a BIG wake up call once they enter the workforce. Frankly, it will be interesting to see exactly where these run of the mill private school kids end up in 20 years. I loved the PP upthread who makes seven figures and is setting up a trust for their kids instead of sending them to private. She is right - most kids would rather do a great public + be given $500,000 at the age of 25 (and therefore, probably never have a mortgage - think of all that financial freedom, what a beautiful gift!) than go to private school. If you have to ask if you can afford it, you can't. Private school, when great public options are available, is for special needs kids or people who have enough money to light on fire. And you don't. Another thing to keep in mind is that your kids will be encouraged to aim for very expensive colleges, which might do a number on your finances when your health and earning potential might be less of a sure thing.

At some point and in some way, you and or your kids are going to have to face reality. Better sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

I am PP from way up this thread, whose parents spent everything on private schools (elementary through high school0) for me, I ended up with pretty significant college/grad debt and parents ended up in tremendous financial difficulties/insecure retirement. My kids are in in public, and like several PPs, we're instead saving for college and spending $ on vacations and summer enrichment. Who knew there were so many of us? I had been feeling guilty of "depriving" my kids of a top-flight private education like I had (which was pretty terrific from an educational perspective). Feeling not so guilty now, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents scrimped and saved to send me and my brother to private school. I appreciate the fact that they were trying to do what they thought was best at the time, but I think it was a very poor decision all around. They 100% compromised their ability to retire (ditto to PPs who have pointed out that this can and DOES happen to working professionals). Health issues cropped up in one of my parents when I was about 16 and my sister was 11, and neither of my parents were able to take their foot off the gas pedal at work to deal with what they needed to deal with. It was absolutely horrible and the stress made the medical issues worse. Today, they are in debt up to their eyeballs and they still make poor financial decisions. It is stressful, because I feel responsible for it all, even though I would have made very different decisions. The money would have been better spent enjoying life a bit more - dinners out as a family and vacations, which we were never able to take. For my own family, we are doing public. We purchased in a 1300 sq foot place, in a top shelf, close-in suburb so we can take advantage of the schools while building equity. I wished my parents planned better and got into a good school district early on in the game where they could have done the same.

In this area, I see a lot of parents sending their completely average children to private school, where they are told they are something special. I think that sort of thing sets your kid up for needing a BIG wake up call once they enter the workforce. Frankly, it will be interesting to see exactly where these run of the mill private school kids end up in 20 years. I loved the PP upthread who makes seven figures and is setting up a trust for their kids instead of sending them to private. She is right - most kids would rather do a great public + be given $500,000 at the age of 25 (and therefore, probably never have a mortgage - think of all that financial freedom, what a beautiful gift!) than go to private school. If you have to ask if you can afford it, you can't. Private school, when great public options are available, is for special needs kids or people who have enough money to light on fire. And you don't. Another thing to keep in mind is that your kids will be encouraged to aim for very expensive colleges, which might do a number on your finances when your health and earning potential might be less of a sure thing.

At some point and in some way, you and or your kids are going to have to face reality. Better sooner than later.

+1

Completely agree. Save for a handful of private schools in the DC area, the majority are essentially public schools that you pay through the nose for. But if some people pay for private just to say that their kids go to private, by all means. I just don't personally see the point.

[Anonymous]

I went to private school for a few years during middle school and hated it because all my friends were scattered all over town. I could tell my parents hated schelping me all over for birthday parties and sleepovers. Also, my mom was a SAHM and I could tell it was awkward for her to schedule activities with the other kids' nannies. Most of my friends also had WAY more money than us even though we were comfortable UMC by any standard.

Then we moved out of state and I went to public HS and it was so nice having friends in and around my neighborhood. And I made friends whose families came from all different backgrounds and SES.

And for a funny anecdote, I went to a big state school in the south. Did well and scored high on the LSAT. Top law schools gave me all sorts of scholarship offers and my parents could pick up my living expenses since they didn't. Low a ton of money on tuition for HS/college. I still remember orientation week when classmates would be telling me about how they had gone to an Ivy for undergrad and yet they ended up at the same school as a first generation college grad from a state school.

[Anonymous]

Private school changed my life. My single Mom got a scholarship for me to attend a college-prep Catholic high school. The rigorous curriculum, high expectations, exposure to a socio-economic status that I had never previously witnessed propelled me out of a future which would surely have been comprised of a series of dead-end jobs with no upward mobility. Instead, I used my excellent grades, teacher recs & the college counseling office to get into a very strong OOS state school. Even that was a stretch to afford, but I leveraged that into a job at a Fortune 500 company that paid for my advanced degree. Now I work for myself and arrange my schedule to suit my needs, while being able to jump back into FT work if I need to.

Public schools in the town where I grew up did not prepare kids to attend college. This private did and I am eternally grateful for the boost. If not, I would probably be a hairdresser, teacher or an insurance adjuster - like the real people I know who took that path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went to private school but lived in a rundown dump of a house. Could never have friends over, spent all our time at other peoples houses. I would have preferred a comfortable family home.

I disliked private school for the same reasons. We didn't have anywhere near as much money as friend's classmates and it was obvious. We didn't go on vacations. I didn't have super awesome clothes. I didn't get a car when I turned 16. My parents didnt have nice cars. We didn't have a very nice house. I still remember a classmate talking about playing tennis w/Dan Quayle's son...that was so far from my reality that it really stuck out. In high school, so much of your identity is being developed socially, I would have preferred an opportunity to blend in a bit more w/others who were like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend whose dad did this and left him high and dry for college. [/b] Most kids would probably rather have a car and go somewhere cool for vacation IMO. [b]

Personally, I don't think you can afford it at your income, hence you have to shop at Old Navy.

Most kids would prefer that. But it's the whole teach a man to fish parable.

You know, give him a fish and he's not hungry now. Teach him to fish and he's full for a lifetime?

A good education lasts for your whole lifetime and yes I appreciate mine still and I'm pretty old.
It meant that I could study the difficult subject that I wanted to study in college (engineering) and also excel at it.
I know a lot of kids who go off to college from mediocre schools with big dreams who fail out and then get very flustered and overwhelmed by that experience because they're used to doing well.
Just check to make sure that each kid still likes the school and that the education is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went to private school but lived in a rundown dump of a house. Could never have friends over, spent all our time at other peoples houses. I would have preferred a comfortable family home.

I disliked private school for the same reasons. We didn't have anywhere near as much money as friend's classmates and it was obvious. We didn't go on vacations. I didn't have super awesome clothes. I didn't get a car when I turned 16. My parents didnt have nice cars. We didn't have a very nice house. I still remember a classmate talking about playing tennis w/Dan Quayle's son...that was so far from my reality that it really stuck out. In high school, so much of your identity is being developed socially, I would have preferred an opportunity to blend in a bit more w/others who were like me.

But did you notice that those kids who were given everything went on to excel at nothing?

And no matter how much money we have we're never buying our kid a car. Omg...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went to private school but lived in a rundown dump of a house. Could never have friends over, spent all our time at other peoples houses. I would have preferred a comfortable family home.

I disliked private school for the same reasons. We didn't have anywhere near as much money as friend's classmates and it was obvious. We didn't go on vacations. I didn't have super awesome clothes. I didn't get a car when I turned 16. My parents didnt have nice cars. We didn't have a very nice house. I still remember a classmate talking about playing tennis w/Dan Quayle's son...that was so far from my reality that it really stuck out. In high school, so much of your identity is being developed socially, I would have preferred an opportunity to blend in a bit more w/others who were like me.

But did you notice that those kids who were given everything went on to excel at nothing?

And no matter how much money we have we're never buying our kid a car. Omg...

PP here. I only know one person from my HS graduating class who is excelling at nothing. I think you have been watching too many Lifetime movies.

Re: the car, I did not go to high school in an area w/reliable public transportation (not a city). The private school didn't provide transportation. So yes, most kids got cars when they turned 16, or at least their parents let them drive a car to school/activities to make life easier for all parties involved. My dad drove a car that he needed to use, and my mom had a car but since she also worked she needed to use it, so they (or the kindness of friends) were my transportation. That made me stand out a LOT, being stuck at school until one of them could come and get me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left private school (by choice) to go to public for high school, and then went to HYP for college.

I think it depends on the kid and the situation.

This. I (and my 2 siblings) went to a nationally recognized private in a different part of the country than DC. I know it was a good choice for me, because of the opportunities it afforded. I was also at the top of my class at that school. We would have gone to great public schools as well, but for me personally the private school was a better environment even though I did bristle against some of its conservatism. My older sister was a mixed bag, since while she would have enjoyed the public school more she had emotional health issues that the private was better equipped to deal with. I think my brother would have benefited from being in a bigger and more diverse public school.

FWIW, I went to HYPS schools for undergrad and grad. Sister and brother went to highly-ranked in-state public, and brother also went to the same HYPS grad school as I did (different program).

We probably all would have been just fine at the public schools, but I do still (late 30s) appreciate some of the unique opportunities our private afforded me. It was a stretch for my parents when we were younger, but eventually it was much easier for them. So in the end, I think it really depends on what you value providing for your children. I have no illusions that many of the "enrichment" classes I do with my 2.5 y.o. DD are anything more than fun for her, but that in itself is worth it to me.

[Anonymous]

I went to Catholic school until 6th grade in another state. I think my parents thought the public schools were not very good where we were and perhaps also wanted to give us a Catholic upbringing. Obviously this cost more than going to public school but I have no idea if they scrimped and saved to send us to there. I also don't really know if it was worth it or not because I don't know how bad the public schools really were.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.