Unsure About Accepting Date With Guy In Wheelchair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

The same is true if someone is a smoker, has kids from a previous relationship, is gay, or transgender, or bi, or age bracket, or whatever. No need for any filters at all because otherwise you're making sweeping categorizations about comparability.

No, it is pretty much the same. It is a broad, sweeping brush as if all disabilities are the same and you'll automatically be incompatible with all of them.

The same is true if someone is a smoker, has kids from a previous relationship, is gay, or transgender, or bi, or age bracket, or whatever. No need for any filters at all because otherwise you're making sweeping categorizations about comparability

Or religion, or education level, or ethnicity, nationality, interests, or any category or detail.

Having any parameters at all means you're making sweeping categorizations about compatibility. No one should list any of these details about themselves in their profile, lest you judge them, and you should always give them a try in online dating.

But putting all of that in a profile is unrealistic. The OP's date was honest with her before they ever met.

It doesn't sound like you know anything about online dating, as all of that is generally already on someone's profile, by the questions one answers dictated by the site. When you search profiles, most of the above are already in parameters so you can filter out/in qualities that are important in a partner. All of us have characteristics that are important in filtering out people we'd be interested in dating with long term goals. It makes you a bad person if you judge their character, but you're not a bad person for wanting to know these things as a simple matter of compatibility.

Yes, OP's date did tell her he was in a wheelchair, but after they made plans. I think that's obnoxious. Lots of people are up front about things about them that are less than ideal, and should be candid before making plans.

Also, people with disabilities aren't delicate snowflakes that need to be handled gently with special gloves. People in a wheelchair are like everyone else - they can be confident and insecure. They can be honest or dishonest. They can be jerks or not jerks. Waiting to disclose being in a wheelchair until after you make plans is a jerk move.

Thanks for the novel. You could have just written one line: "I'm obnoxious." Far more so than the person in question. If you think this is a jerk move, you are at best wildly uneducated and at worst an ableist asshat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

The same is true if someone is a smoker, has kids from a previous relationship, is gay, or transgender, or bi, or age bracket, or whatever. No need for any filters at all because otherwise you're making sweeping categorizations about comparability.

No, it is pretty much the same. It is a broad, sweeping brush as if all disabilities are the same and you'll automatically be incompatible with all of them.

The same is true if someone is a smoker, has kids from a previous relationship, is gay, or transgender, or bi, or age bracket, or whatever. No need for any filters at all because otherwise you're making sweeping categorizations about comparability

Or religion, or education level, or ethnicity, nationality, interests, or any category or detail.

Having any parameters at all means you're making sweeping categorizations about compatibility. No one should list any of these details about themselves in their profile, lest you judge them, and you should always give them a try in online dating.

But putting all of that in a profile is unrealistic. The OP's date was honest with her before they ever met.

It doesn't sound like you know anything about online dating, as all of that is generally already on someone's profile, by the questions one answers dictated by the site. When you search profiles, most of the above are already in parameters so you can filter out/in qualities that are important in a partner. All of us have characteristics that are important in filtering out people we'd be interested in dating with long term goals. It makes you a bad person if you judge their character, but you're not a bad person for wanting to know these things as a simple matter of compatibility.

Yes, OP's date did tell her he was in a wheelchair, but after they made plans. I think that's obnoxious. Lots of people are up front about things about them that are less than ideal, and should be candid before making plans.

Also, people with disabilities aren't delicate snowflakes that need to be handled gently with special gloves. People in a wheelchair are like everyone else - they can be confident and insecure. They can be honest or dishonest. They can be jerks or not jerks. Waiting to disclose being in a wheelchair until after you make plans is a jerk move.

Thanks for the novel. You could have just written one line: "I'm obnoxious." Far more so than the person in question. If you think this is a jerk move, you are at best wildly uneducated and at worst an ableist asshat.

You're welcome! I'm sure you're completely and totally indiscriminate about people you've dated or currently date. You date everyone and anyone without any specifications. What a wonderful, beautiful angel you are to have no preferences at all! I'm sure you're definitely not a hypocrite in the slightest. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Nope! But unlike your prejudiced ass, I don't rule out entire groups of people based on traits like race or whether they can walk. It's okay, precious snowflake. You are not the only discriminatory person in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

I agree. I am not attracted to Asian or south Asian men. So I wouldn't say yes to a date. This doesn't make me racist.

Well, it kind of does make you racist, but you can't help it.

Not being attracted to a certain type of person makes you a racist?

Now I've heard it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope! But unlike your prejudiced ass, I don't rule out entire groups of people based on traits like race or whether they can walk. It's okay, precious snowflake. You are not the only discriminatory person in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

I agree. I am not attracted to Asian or south Asian men. So I wouldn't say yes to a date. This doesn't make me racist.

Well, it kind of does make you racist, but you can't help it.

Not being attracted to a certain type of person makes you a racist?

Now I've heard it all.

You obviously aren't very educated on the subject nor on inherent racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How sweet of you OP. However, I think MOST women would be concerned about the lack of height issue ! Not to mention, if he could actually father a child.

How very ableist and condescending of you to say "how sweet", PP.

For the record, many people who are wheelchair users and/or with spinal injuries are able to have children. Google "wheelchair sex positions", but make sure your kids aren't around.

As for the height issue, I have no words for you. But when you sit down, you're at the same height.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How sweet of you OP. However, I think MOST women would be concerned about the lack of height issue ! Not to mention, if he could actually father a child.

How very ableist and condescending of you to say "how sweet", PP.

For the record, many people who are wheelchair users and/or with spinal injuries are able to have children. Google "wheelchair sex positions", but make sure your kids aren't around.

As for the height issue, I have no words for you. But when you sit down, you're at the same height.

+1. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

I agree. I am not attracted to Asian or south Asian men. So I wouldn't say yes to a date. This doesn't make me racist.

Well, it kind of does make you racist, but you can't help it.

Not being attracted to a certain type of person makes you a racist?

Now I've heard it all.

You obviously aren't very educated on the subject nor on inherent racism.

I don't date white men. Does that make me racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

I agree. I am not attracted to Asian or south Asian men. So I wouldn't say yes to a date. This doesn't make me racist.

Well, it kind of does make you racist, but you can't help it.

Not being attracted to a certain type of person makes you a racist?

Now I've heard it all.

You obviously aren't very educated on the subject nor on inherent racism.

I don't date white men. Does that make me racist?

You can't technically be racist against white people, but this isn't the forum for that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't date someone in a wheelchair. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. I want certain things in my life (outdoorsy/active type of person), and while it may not be a marriage proposal unless you're in your 20's or not planning on getting married anytime soon why waste the time. If my SO ended up in a wheelchair that is another story, and in sickness and in health. But to start my life off by crossing out the ability to do anything on my "bucket list", no thank you. But if it works for you OP go for it!

[Anonymous]

Before I dated my fiancé, I dated a guy who lost a lower leg to an IED. He was far more "able" than I was and the sex was scorching. We broke up for reasons unrelated to his disability and kinda related to my inflexibility at the time --he had a 10 year old son and I didn't want to be a stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't date someone in a wheelchair. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. I want certain things in my life (outdoorsy/active type of person), and while it may not be a marriage proposal unless you're in your 20's or not planning on getting married anytime soon why waste the time. If my SO ended up in a wheelchair that is another story, and in sickness and in health. But to start my life off by crossing out the ability to do anything on my "bucket list", no thank you. But if it works for you OP go for it!

Are you the same person who keeps talking about being "outdoorsy" on this thread?

Once again, put your love of hiking in your profile and I guarantee no one in a wheelchair will contact you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't date someone in a wheelchair. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. I want certain things in my life (outdoorsy/active type of person), and while it may not be a marriage proposal unless you're in your 20's or not planning on getting married anytime soon why waste the time. If my SO ended up in a wheelchair that is another story, and in sickness and in health. But to start my life off by crossing out the ability to do anything on my "bucket list", no thank you. But if it works for you OP go for it!

Are you the same person who keeps talking about being "outdoorsy" on this thread?

Once again, put your love of hiking in your profile and I guarantee no one in a wheelchair will contact you.

Nope...first post in this thread, I was responding to the OP. Did not even bother to read other replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you rule out all disabled people off the bat, you are ableist and the exact reason people don't disclose.

And that's fine, be ableist if you want. But stop trying to act like a good person. You're no different than a racist who tries to justify it.

As someone who is biracial, this is bullshit, and not at all a comparable analogy.

It's more like saying if you don't want to date people who share your same sex, that it makes you homophobic.

It's not a crime to be drawn to what you're drawn to. Being disabled doesn't have carry weight concerning the type of human being you may be, but it does matter in terms of compatibility. To not say so is being factitious. I'd find a person who was open, honest, and up front about it confident and probably even sexy. Bringing it up later? I think it's kind of a dick move. And yes, people with disabilities just like all people, can be dicks.

I agree. I am not attracted to Asian or south Asian men. So I wouldn't say yes to a date. This doesn't make me racist.

Well, it kind of does make you racist, but you can't help it.

Not being attracted to a certain type of person makes you a racist?

Now I've heard it all.

You obviously aren't very educated on the subject nor on inherent racism.

I don't date white men. Does that make me racist?

Of course! It also apparently makes you ignorant on the subject of inherent racism. Welcome to the club.