Unsure About Accepting Date With Guy In Wheelchair

[Anonymous]

We met online.
I'm physically attracted to him and his personality from what I know is nice.
We're supposed to meeting up for pizza tomorrow night.
He now told me that he had something he wanted to tell me before we went out. Turns out he was in an accident a few years back that's caused him to need a wheelchair. He told me he would understand if I wanted to cancel on him. He would understand if it's a dealbreaker it's been a deal breaker for other women.
He apologized for not telling me sooner.
My worry is I don't know if it's something I can handle. I've never dated a guy in a wheelchair before. I don't even know anybody in a wheelchair.
Maybe it's the fear of the unknown?
I don't want to cancel on him, and be a jerk. I'm in my 30s and shouldn't be shallow.
I also hate the fact that I'm doubting myself now that I know about the wheelchair, because technically he's still the same guy I was attracted to before.
Would I be an asshole just to be honest with him?
I mean tell him I'm just not sure and it would be new to me.
I also wonder if this a tiny bit of a red flag because he wasn't up front with it. I mean I understand why he didn't, but at the same time waiting to tell me the night before our date is a little off putting.

[Anonymous]

The only way to find out if it matters is to try. Go for it!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't cancel a date, but I would think twice about marriage - my mother had a chronic disease, and it majorly affected my childhood.

[Anonymous]

Go on the date! Have fun and be super upfront with your nervousness and feelings. He will completely appreciate your honesty about your concerns and they will seem smaller once you talk about them out loud.

You're not agreeing to marriage, just pizza.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wouldn't cancel a date, but I would think twice about marriage - my mother had a chronic disease, and it majorly affected my childhood.

Being wheelchair bound is not a chronic disease. A "disability", sure. But not the same as a chronic disease. An otherwise healthy person who is bound to a wheelchair can be very self sufficient and don't require the same family adjustments that a person who has a chronic debilitating disease does.


Also, it's a date. Chill out.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP. Go and have fun! If you are nervous, just be honest with him. It's just a date.

[Anonymous]

At least meet the guy. Sure it might be awkward but you'll come off as a jerk if you cancel before you even meet him, and then you'll feel like a heel. I'd only cancel if I knew for sure I didn't want a future with a wheelchair bound person. Find out if his equipment still works.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to go.
I just feel bad for even thinking of not going.

Also worried this could be a red flag, but I'm probably analyzing too much.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's necessarily a red flag that he didn't tell you earlier. He's probably faced rejection over his disability before and that's why he waited. He did let you know in advance so you did have the option to back out. I don't think it's a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Good luck...let us know how it goes!

[Anonymous]

I would go on the date. Its not marriage yet. Just give it a shot. Maybe he can still have sex, just cant walk right now.

[Anonymous]

I would go for sure! It's just a date, not a commitment. My first online date was with a blind guy (which gave me a tiny complex about my looks, haha). We weren't a match but it had nothing to do with his being blind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's necessarily a red flag that he didn't tell you earlier. He's probably faced rejection over his disability before and that's why he waited. He did let you know in advance so you did have the option to back out. I don't think it's a big deal.

100% this.

One of my friends is a beautiful woman who was paralyzed in an ATV accident. She still leads as full a life as anyone I know and has an amazing fiancé. She is still able to do lots of outdoor activities (with his help) and go out and have fun with friends, etc. She is not a broken person or damaged goods. Give him a chance and don't hold it against him that he didn't tell you outright. I guarantee if he had that like in a profile or something, you'd never have given him a chance.

[Anonymous]

Go have pizza and a beer on him and then you can decide

[Anonymous]

After you meet him, if it seems like potentially a good match, it's fine to bring up some of your reservations. Give him a chance to educate you on his conditions, limitations, etc.

Some things will be more challenging - such as going to the beach. Other things, probably not as much as you expect.