Unsure About Accepting Date With Guy In Wheelchair

[Anonymous]

I think he will dish pretty quickly about the logistics of his situation. I would wait and see and not ask on the first date.

[Anonymous]

OP I say go for it. I'm a 30 year old woman who has a mild form of cerebral palsy. A lot of guys discount me for that, but my current boyfriend gave me a chance. He's been very supportive and has even pushed me physically to do things that I don't think I could do and sex isn't an issue. It's the best that I've had so far.

[Anonymous]

Your description, including the timing and cause for the wheelchair, sounds a bit like a friend of mine. If this is the case, he's an amazing person. And he's very open to talking about his life. I hope you go and have fun...if things don't click romantically, you might just meet a cool and interesting person.

[Anonymous]

Also very possible he's not able to have sex because of the injury. Might be a deal breaker in the long run.

[Anonymous]

While I wouldn't be too happy that he waited until the last moment to let you know about his disability, I would let it slide because it may have been just too difficult for him to tell you sooner due to some past occurrences.

I wouldn't cancel the date at this point.
Honor your commitment & grab a bite to eat.

If things do not work out in the romance department, the at the very least you have made a new friend.

[Anonymous]

Op: if you don't go on the date then that means you are an evil discriminator. You're not permitted to have a preference against dating a disabled man. It's the law of the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We met online.
I'm physically attracted to him and his personality from what I know is nice.
We're supposed to meeting up for pizza tomorrow night.
He now told me that he had something he wanted to tell me before we went out. Turns out he was in an accident a few years back that's caused him to need a wheelchair. He told me he would understand if I wanted to cancel on him. He would understand if it's a dealbreaker it's been a deal breaker for other women.
He apologized for not telling me sooner.
My worry is I don't know if it's something I can handle. I've never dated a guy in a wheelchair before. I don't even know anybody in a wheelchair.
Maybe it's the fear of the unknown?
I don't want to cancel on him, and be a jerk. I'm in my 30s and shouldn't be shallow.
I also hate the fact that I'm doubting myself now that I know about the wheelchair, because technically he's still the same guy I was attracted to before.
Would I be an asshole just to be honest with him?
I mean tell him I'm just not sure and it would be new to me.
I also wonder if this a tiny bit of a red flag because he wasn't up front with it. I mean I understand why he didn't, but at the same time waiting to tell me the night before our date is a little off putting.

Op grow up. You obviouly don't wan t to go on the date but think cancelling would be un PC. Don't string him along just so you can smugly tell yourself how morally superior you are to anyone who would have cancelled.

[Anonymous]

Go and see if there's really chemistry there. I met my DH 3 days before I started my cancer treatment. We spent the next 2 years going through cycles of chemo, radiation, and surgeries. I still remind myself of that whenever he makes me mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's necessarily a red flag that he didn't tell you earlier. He's probably faced rejection over his disability before and that's why he waited. He did let you know in advance so you did have the option to back out. I don't think it's a big deal.

+1! He wanted you to get to know him a little first, so there wouldn't be a possible outright rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I wouldn't cancel a date, but I would think twice about marriage - my mother had a chronic disease, and it majorly affected my childhood.

Being wheelchair bound is not a chronic disease. A "disability", sure. But not the same as a chronic disease. An otherwise healthy person who is bound to a wheelchair can be very self sufficient and don't require the same family adjustments that a person who has a chronic debilitating disease does.


Also, it's a date. Chill out.

This!

BTW, I have a chronic disease and it has negatively impacted my children's childhood a lot less than my non-disabled mother's refusal to learn to drive impacted mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I wouldn't cancel a date, but I would think twice about marriage - my mother had a chronic disease, and it majorly affected my childhood.

Being wheelchair bound is not a chronic disease. A "disability", sure. But not the same as a chronic disease. An otherwise healthy person who is bound to a wheelchair can be very self sufficient and don't require the same family adjustments that a person who has a chronic debilitating disease does.


Also, it's a date. Chill out.

This!

BTW, I have a chronic disease and it has negatively impacted my children's childhood a lot less than my non-disabled mother's refusal to learn to drive impacted mine.

+1. I have a debilitating chronic disease. No family adjustments needed, not negatively impacting my child's life. Would you make the same sweeping generalization about a black person?

[Anonymous]

I'm glad that you decided to go, OP.
Please give us a follow up report on the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: if you don't go on the date then that means you are an evil discriminator. You're not permitted to have a preference against dating a disabled man. It's the law of the internet.

It's more than a preference if she is ruling it out altogether. At that point it's a requirement. And if it is, she should own it and not waste anyone's time.

I thought it sounded more like she was unsure due to not knowing what she would be getting into and people are saying it is just pizza and you aren't committing to anything. But honestly if she knows no matter how great the guy is, even if he turned out to be great match for her in every other way, and sex and attraction are there, there was no way could she have a future with someone in a wheelchair she should cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's necessarily a red flag that he didn't tell you earlier. He's probably faced rejection over his disability before and that's why he waited. He did let you know in advance so you did have the option to back out. I don't think it's a big deal.

100% this.

One of my friends is a beautiful woman who was paralyzed in an ATV accident. She still leads as full a life as anyone I know and has an amazing fiancé. She is still able to do lots of outdoor activities (with his help) and go out and have fun with friends, etc. She is not a broken person or damaged goods. Give him a chance and don't hold it against him that he didn't tell you outright. I guarantee if he had that like in a profile or something, you'd never have given him a chance.

I almost started crying from this response.

[Anonymous]

I would go. Could be a good friend, contact, whatever. Or the love of your life.