Unsure About Accepting Date With Guy In Wheelchair

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine dated a guy in a wheelchair (due to an accident.) great guy, and we all stayed friends with him after they broke up. (Unrelated to the chair.) the one thing that was different was that we all had to be aware of accessibility issues, i.e. If we were going out, was the bar and its bathroom accessible? We changed our plans slightly a couple of times for this reason. Otherwise, no real difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truthfully I think this is something important enough to disclose upfront in an online dating profile. Not after you start communicating or plan a date.

Agree with pp that this would be a dealbreaker for me, because I'm a very active person, and would need a partner to share some of those loves. I get that he may be a bit insecure, but I think it's dishonest to not state up front if he is permanently in a wheelchair.

Friend? Not a question. But to go on a date with, with some long term intent/relationship in mind? Dealbreaker.

Why is it dishonest? It isn't like he said he wasn't in a wheelchair.

Saying nothing is not the same thing as being honest. And to be completely honest, a partner (or dating/finding a date with the hope of finding a committed relationship), being in permanently in a wheelchair is an important consideration. Like if someone doesn't mention that they have kids, or are a heavy smoker. They are important, big details to list up front.

[Anonymous]

OMG, It is not being dishonest for him to have not disclosed this before you even met. Would the PPs making this argument think the same thing if a guy didn't disclose that he was left handed or hard of hearing or allergic to peanuts? All those things can limit you to some extent but have no impact on who you are as a person. Same is true of a wheelchair, except people are more prejudiced about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wouldn't cancel a date, but I would think twice about marriage - my mother had a chronic disease, and it majorly affected my childhood.

Fortunately, for you, your father was a bit more evolved. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Going to meet him at 8.

Been at work all day so haven't had much time to check in.

My apprehension about the date extends from my lack of experience around people in wheelchairs. Then I felt badly about feeling apprehensive.

I'm not going to ask him what he is capable of sexually. I figure if we end up being attracted to each other it will work itself out.

Now just hoping for a nice time which is what I always hope for on date nights.

I'll post an update tonight or tomorrow depending on how things go.

How did it go OP? Where you up front with him about your limited experience with people in wheelchairs? "I don't have a lot of experience with people who used wheelchairs, so please forgive me in advance if I say something dumb or unintentially rude. "

[Anonymous]

OP here with a quick update.
I think overall it was a good first date.
I was about 15 minutes late. I got lost on my way there.
He was more handsome in person than his pictures.
He was very happy to see me, and told me he was glad I showed up. Apparently he's had women agree to the date and either not show up or make an excuse like getting lost and not showing up.
I didn't tell him about my nerves , but he could probably tell at first. I did make a couple of faux pas, but he didn't make a big deal out of it.
He was very easy to talk to. He shared more about his accident and things related to that.
We talked about other things too.
After pizza we decided to get some ice cream.
Ended the date with a kiss. He's a really good kisser. I'm not sure if we'll go out again, but I think we both had a good time tonight. I don't regret going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a quick update.
I think overall it was a good first date.
I was about 15 minutes late. I got lost on my way there.
He was more handsome in person than his pictures.
He was very happy to see me, and told me he was glad I showed up. Apparently he's had women agree to the date and either not show up or make an excuse like getting lost and not showing up.
I didn't tell him about my nerves , but he could probably tell at first. I did make a couple of faux pas, but he didn't make a big deal out of it.
He was very easy to talk to. He shared more about his accident and things related to that.
We talked about other things too.
After pizza we decided to get some ice cream.
Ended the date with a kiss. He's a really good kisser. I'm not sure if we'll go out again, but I think we both had a good time tonight. I don't regret going.

I'm so glad it went well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a quick update.
I think overall it was a good first date.
I was about 15 minutes late. I got lost on my way there.
He was more handsome in person than his pictures.
He was very happy to see me, and told me he was glad I showed up. Apparently he's had women agree to the date and either not show up or make an excuse like getting lost and not showing up.
I didn't tell him about my nerves , but he could probably tell at first. I did make a couple of faux pas, but he didn't make a big deal out of it.
He was very easy to talk to. He shared more about his accident and things related to that.
We talked about other things too.
After pizza we decided to get some ice cream.
Ended the date with a kiss. He's a really good kisser. I'm not sure if we'll go out again, but I think we both had a good time tonight. I don't regret going.

I'm so glad it went well!

How sweet of you OP. However, I think MOST women would be concerned about the lack of height issue ! Not to mention, if he could actually father a child.

[Anonymous]

yay Op I am glad you went and enjoyed the date as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truthfully I think this is something important enough to disclose upfront in an online dating profile. Not after you start communicating or plan a date.

Agree with pp that this would be a dealbreaker for me, because I'm a very active person, and would need a partner to share some of those loves. I get that he may be a bit insecure, but I think it's dishonest to not state up front if he is permanently in a wheelchair.

Friend? Not a question. But to go on a date with, with some long term intent/relationship in mind? Dealbreaker.

Why is it dishonest? It isn't like he said he wasn't in a wheelchair.

Saying nothing is not the same thing as being honest. And to be completely honest, a partner (or dating/finding a date with the hope of finding a committed relationship), being in permanently in a wheelchair is an important consideration. Like if someone doesn't mention that they have kids, or are a heavy smoker. They are important, big details to list up front.

It isn't the same as being dishonest either. You have no idea if OP or the guy are looking for a life partner, and he was up front before the date.

Also, how dare you compared being disabled to being a heavy smoker. You are truly incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a quick update.
I think overall it was a good first date.
I was about 15 minutes late. I got lost on my way there.
He was more handsome in person than his pictures.
He was very happy to see me, and told me he was glad I showed up. Apparently he's had women agree to the date and either not show up or make an excuse like getting lost and not showing up.
I didn't tell him about my nerves , but he could probably tell at first. I did make a couple of faux pas, but he didn't make a big deal out of it.
He was very easy to talk to. He shared more about his accident and things related to that.
We talked about other things too.
After pizza we decided to get some ice cream.
Ended the date with a kiss. He's a really good kisser. I'm not sure if we'll go out again, but I think we both had a good time tonight. I don't regret going.

Yay! I'm so glad it went well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a quick update.
I think overall it was a good first date.
I was about 15 minutes late. I got lost on my way there.
He was more handsome in person than his pictures.
He was very happy to see me, and told me he was glad I showed up. Apparently he's had women agree to the date and either not show up or make an excuse like getting lost and not showing up.
I didn't tell him about my nerves , but he could probably tell at first. I did make a couple of faux pas, but he didn't make a big deal out of it.
He was very easy to talk to. He shared more about his accident and things related to that.
We talked about other things too.
After pizza we decided to get some ice cream.
Ended the date with a kiss. He's a really good kisser. I'm not sure if we'll go out again, but I think we both had a good time tonight. I don't regret going.

I'm so glad it went well!

How sweet of you OP. However, I think MOST women would be concerned about the lack of height issue ! Not to mention, if he could actually father a child.

If most women are so concerned about height, that is very unfortunate.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm really wondering if this is a guy I met briefly once. He was HOT and awesome, and had a really sporty little wc. Big smile, really friendly, we all swooned a bit (it was a work function).

I had a fleeting thought in my head about about how awesome sex would be sitting on his lap, FWIW

I'm so glad you had a good time. I hope you go out with him again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truthfully I think this is something important enough to disclose upfront in an online dating profile. Not after you start communicating or plan a date.

Agree with pp that this would be a dealbreaker for me, because I'm a very active person, and would need a partner to share some of those loves. I get that he may be a bit insecure, but I think it's dishonest to not state up front if he is permanently in a wheelchair.

Friend? Not a question. But to go on a date with, with some long term intent/relationship in mind? Dealbreaker.

Why is it dishonest? It isn't like he said he wasn't in a wheelchair.

Saying nothing is not the same thing as being honest. And to be completely honest, a partner (or dating/finding a date with the hope of finding a committed relationship), being in permanently in a wheelchair is an important consideration. Like if someone doesn't mention that they have kids, or are a heavy smoker. They are important, big details to list up front.

It isn't the same as being dishonest either. You have no idea if OP or the guy are looking for a life partner, and he was up front before the date.

Also, how dare you compared being disabled to being a heavy smoker. You are truly incompetent.

How dare I?! I dare.

It's a very big compatibility issue. They are both big details about someone that may affect compatibility, and should be stated up front. The height issue is incredibly shallow and absurd - but being confined to a wheelchair is very important in terms of a lifestyle one would like to share with a partner. If someone deliberately chooses not to state that big detail, I'd find it dishonest. If it's not an issue for someone, there's no harm in being up front about being confined to a wheelchair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truthfully I think this is something important enough to disclose upfront in an online dating profile. Not after you start communicating or plan a date.

Agree with pp that this would be a dealbreaker for me, because I'm a very active person, and would need a partner to share some of those loves. I get that he may be a bit insecure, but I think it's dishonest to not state up front if he is permanently in a wheelchair.

Friend? Not a question. But to go on a date with, with some long term intent/relationship in mind? Dealbreaker.

Why is it dishonest? It isn't like he said he wasn't in a wheelchair.

Saying nothing is not the same thing as being honest. And to be completely honest, a partner (or dating/finding a date with the hope of finding a committed relationship), being in permanently in a wheelchair is an important consideration. Like if someone doesn't mention that they have kids, or are a heavy smoker. They are important, big details to list up front.

It isn't the same as being dishonest either. You have no idea if OP or the guy are looking for a life partner, and he was up front before the date.

Also, how dare you compared being disabled to being a heavy smoker. You are truly incompetent.

How dare I?! I dare.

It's a very big compatibility issue. They are both big details about someone that may affect compatibility, and should be stated up front. The height issue is incredibly shallow and absurd - but being confined to a wheelchair is very important in terms of a lifestyle one would like to share with a partner. If someone deliberately chooses not to state that big detail, I'd find it dishonest. If it's not an issue for someone, there's no harm in being up front about being confined to a wheelchair.

You are truly clueless and ableist, and I say that as a non-disabled person.