SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time.

However, I notice that it's the stay at home parents who help make the world run for our children, no question. I do sometimes volunteer and take on activities for my kids, but the stay at home parents are the ones who can volunteer in the classroom once a week, be the swim team parent rep (practically a full time job for a few months in the summer), coach the sports, organize and run the school carnival, etc etc etc.

I appreciate all they do to make our community the child-friendly place that it is.

I totally agree. The stay at home moms in my neighborhood have been super supportive. Helped me out during snow day closures, took my children to their place when the babysitter who was supposed to meet them at bus was late, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

When I was in high school, my friends would drive to buy weed after school. Some kids had parents who had the expensive weed. Ecstasy and acid were really cool in the 90's. Everyone was having sex. I lived in a very wealthy well regarded area.

Ok? So you were a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

Agree. If your kids are college bound, going home after school and sitting on your rump isn't going to cut it.

Your can argue contrary 3 ways till Sunday. But this is a damn fact.

OF COURSE not all kids can or do do sports, but they better be doing something if they want to go to a 4yr college (though there is no shame in community college).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

I don't think anyone would debate that the physical part of caring for babies is harder.

What we are saying is now that our kids are older, in late ES/MS/HS -- the kind of attention/caretaking they need is more involved.

Anyone can change a diaper, or two or four, but reading over your kid's paper and seeing that she has problems with sentence structure, or algebra, or picking up on moods that could signal serious distress -- these are the things we want to be there for and not farm out to someone else.

I agree. So many working parents are checked out of reality. I was. So tired coming home and only having 2 hours with all 3 kids wanting attention. And all I wanted was dinner because I barely ate all day and spent an hour in traffic and was late for soccer pick up. There wasn't enough time in the day to get a handle on who was doing what, who is struggling, truly investing time to each. Now we have family dinners, I am more relaxed and listen to them. Bedtime is much nicer too. It isn't for everyone. Some people think raising your kids is lame and gladly outsource it. But they wouldn't be happy at home anyway.

Beautifully stated. God, I'm so glad I have time for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

I don't think anyone would debate that the physical part of caring for babies is harder.

What we are saying is now that our kids are older, in late ES/MS/HS -- the kind of attention/caretaking they need is more involved.

Anyone can change a diaper, or two or four, but reading over your kid's paper and seeing that she has problems with sentence structure, or algebra, or picking up on moods that could signal serious distress -- these are the things we want to be there for and not farm out to someone else.

I agree. So many working parents are checked out of reality. I was. So tired coming home and only having 2 hours with all 3 kids wanting attention. And all I wanted was dinner because I barely ate all day and spent an hour in traffic and was late for soccer pick up. There wasn't enough time in the day to get a handle on who was doing what, who is struggling, truly investing time to each. Now we have family dinners, I am more relaxed and listen to them. Bedtime is much nicer too. It isn't for everyone. Some people think raising your kids is lame and gladly outsource it. But they wouldn't be happy at home anyway.

Beautifully stated. God, I'm so glad I have time for my kids.

Not every working parent has the same experience. I've structured my career that I'm either working from home a few days a week or at home NLT 5pm.

For me quitting my job would be pointless. On days I'm actually at the office I have 4 waking hours with my kids a day and my kids (outside of being IN school) have 1.5hrs while I'm not home.

Additionally, DH is in sales and when he's not on customer calls, he's working from home.

Nobody thinks raising kids is lame. That's a strange characterization of working parents, but I do hope if makes you all feel better about yourselves. It must be sad to be you.

[Anonymous]

I agree. So many working parents are checked out of reality. I was. So tired coming home and only having 2 hours with all 3 kids wanting attention. And all I wanted was dinner because I barely ate all day and spent an hour in traffic and was late for soccer pick up. There wasn't enough time in the day to get a handle on who was doing what, who is struggling, truly investing time to each. Now we have family dinners, I am more relaxed and listen to them. Bedtime is much nicer too. It isn't for everyone. Some people think raising your kids is lame and gladly outsource it. But they wouldn't be happy at home anyway.

That's a terrible thing to say. I would imagine that very few people think raising their kids is "lame" and "gladly" outsource it. Some families need two incomes. I am lucky to have a very flexible (albeit rather dull) job that lets me WAH three days a week and only go into the office 2 days. I don't feel "checked out of reality." But the fact is that my kids are in school from 8-3 each day, do a sport or afterschool club most other days (their choice, because we have local family who can pick them up and take them home if we need, or drive them to an activity), and we have dinner together 5 out of 7 nights a week.

[Anonymous]

I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

[Anonymous]

I work full time.

However, I notice that it's the stay at home parents who help make the world run for our children, no question. I do sometimes volunteer and take on activities for my kids, but the stay at home parents are the ones who can volunteer in the classroom once a week, be the swim team parent rep (practically a full time job for a few months in the summer), coach the sports, organize and run the school carnival, etc etc etc.

I appreciate all they do to make our community the child-friendly place that it is.
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Thank you! You sound like a very nice person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

Why? She's just stating her perspective!

[Anonymous]

Seriously people, part-time employment is the way to go, if you can. Then you can see the issue from both perspectives and, hopefully, quit being so judgmental of one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

Why? She's just stating her perspective!

I'm a SAHM and I'm not so stupid as to thing some "random" person is "raising" working parents children.

I actually have a MS in psychology and a child's chief influencer is his parents. Period. The end. Working parents are raising their children and they put a lot of thought into quality childcare. They don't pick up day laborers from the street.

The poster is idiotic and a sad miserable person. It is her children I feel sorry for. Not the working parents. And yes said poster is a woman and an embarrassment to women as well.

I have a lot of friends who work and they are great mothers and fathers and care deeply for their children and are doing what works well for their families and I will bet the farm that their children will have just as much of a chance to grow up healthy and happly as mine do.

Frankly, I shouldn't have even responded and given any merit to such a fuck tard troll.
That poster is sickening and an embarrassment to SAHPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

Why? She's just stating her perspective!

Because she's being a nasty bitch. Most people work to support their families, not because they're outsourcing their jobs as parents. And how did her meal ticket / husband feel? Was he outsourcing his job, or his parenting her job while he's just a paycheck and a sperm donor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

Why? She's just stating her perspective!

I'm a SAHM and I'm not so stupid as to thing some "random" person is "raising" working parents children.

I actually have a MS in psychology and a child's chief influencer is his parents. Period. The end. Working parents are raising their children and they put a lot of thought into quality childcare. They don't pick up day laborers from the street.

The poster is idiotic and a sad miserable person. It is her children I feel sorry for. Not the working parents. And yes said poster is a woman and an embarrassment to women as well.

I have a lot of friends who work and they are great mothers and fathers and care deeply for their children and are doing what works well for their families and I will bet the farm that their children will have just as much of a chance to grow up healthy and happly as mine do.

Frankly, I shouldn't have even responded and given any merit to such a fuck tard troll.
That poster is sickening and an embarrassment to SAHPs.

But do you know the difference between thing and think?

[Anonymous]

Anyone, WOH or SAH who feels they need to say horrible things about others' choices has some insecurity about their own.

I am the PP who was a SAH,now a WOH. Wasn't the original premise of this thread whether it makes more sense to stay at home when kids are older? As someone whose been home with younger and older kids, I can't believe this question is even being posed. If you want to stay home to spend more time with your kids, the time to do it is when they are, you know, actually home, which is the younger years.

That doesn't mean that older kids don't need a lot of parental support (bigger kids, bigger problems). That doesn't mean that there is not a hour or two afterschool that has to be covered by a babysitter/nanny or after school care. That doesn't mean that there aren't other reasons to be a SAH (having a less busy lifestyle, for instance). But the fact remains most kids are out of the house for at least six and often many more hours a day, and this typically increases the older they get. My own late elementary age kids are at school or being transported to/from school from 7:30 to 4. Personally, I don't think I miss a lot of quality time between 4 and 5:30. Plenty of time for homework help and conversations, particularly since older kids stay up later.

And if you do intend to return to work, most employers are more sympathetic to staying home with small kids as opposed to big kids because that is the path most moms take. Personally, the majority of my SAH friends were working again by the time their kids were in second grade. I actually can't think of a single person who left work with older kids, although I don't doubt it happens, it doesn't appear to be common. The SAHs of older kids I know also stayed home when their kids were younger.