SAH with Older Kids?

[Anonymous]

So why are SAHPs of babies and toddlers often called lazy by DCUMs? I've seen them called "bon Bon eating leaches of their working spouses."

But somehow a sahp of high schoolers get an award of virtue because of afternoon sports and homework help?

Can we all just stop judging each other for pete's sake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, when they're older, they need the actual parents more -- to look at homework (rather than a nanny or au pair) and talking to them about issue they're facing as tweens or teens. Plus all the driving around to activities.

Worked for us. I have one child at TJ right now and the other is a straight A student. It's not because of the AP helping with homework, it is because they are naturally intelligent and a core family value we have is hard work and goal achievement. Not many parents can look at or correct my boys calculus homework. It was simply checked for completion.

The AP had minimal involvement with "issues they faced" that has been our job. Working for a paycheck does not mean our kids don't share with us. And thr AP driving? That's exactly what she was hired for.

Yes. It is fortunate we can afford an AP. I frankly couldn't imagine getting off work and hauling my kids to all their sports activities. For instance, my one son had practice at 445 yesterday. AP dropped him off, I then got to practice at 5:30 to watch and them pick him up. In thr meantime, AP did some simple meal prep. I got home, finished up dinner and we all ate at 730. Can't imagine the logistics otherwise. I would have had to leave work at 345. My teens are missing nothing by not having me at home between 330-530. I don't need to hover over their homework or personally make them a snack

You are missing things but you don't know that you are. BTW I never outsource driving, you may gravely regret that.

Cool. I don't know that I'm missing them, so I'm not missing anything.

Good on you that you never outsource driving. I'm sure you find is a great bonding experience, I dont.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

[Anonymous]

I work full time.

However, I notice that it's the stay at home parents who help make the world run for our children, no question. I do sometimes volunteer and take on activities for my kids, but the stay at home parents are the ones who can volunteer in the classroom once a week, be the swim team parent rep (practically a full time job for a few months in the summer), coach the sports, organize and run the school carnival, etc etc etc.

I appreciate all they do to make our community the child-friendly place that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dropping kids off/picking them up, running them around to activities, making them snacks is not a hard job but it is a responsible job.

It's harder when they are younger. Once they get older and can ride the bus or walk home or stay after school for an activity it becomes easier.

Most extracurricular activities take place during evening hours. You really have to look to find a non school related activity that happens directly after school.

??? All my kids activities are right after school: soccer, swim, gymnastics and piano. None are in the evening.

SAHM of three - two teens and one ES. Three schools. I will pick up ES DC at dismissal today to make a 5:00 practice. ES gets out at 4:00.

Also, I am busier now than when my three were younger. A different busy, but I often have to juggle three schedules, not including my own. I earnestly try to be home when middle school arrives at 2:30. HS DC arrives at 3. Youngest doesn't go to ES until 9:00. Time flies.

this assumes your kids are in the same school and the same schedule. I will have one starting school at 7:20 next year and the other at 9:15. One gets out at 2:30, the other at 4:00.

Not saying it's "hard work" -- but it can be less time than you think.

You have close to six hours a day with no kids home every day. Doesn't sound very crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time.

However, I notice that it's the stay at home parents who help make the world run for our children, no question. I do sometimes volunteer and take on activities for my kids, but the stay at home parents are the ones who can volunteer in the classroom once a week, be the swim team parent rep (practically a full time job for a few months in the summer), coach the sports, organize and run the school carnival, etc etc etc.

I appreciate all they do to make our community the child-friendly place that it is.

you are a smart person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

Why do you think an AuPair is navigating social problems? That is a very strange notion. What role exactly do you think APs and nannies fulfill? My children had problems in school, I'd save the review of homework until I got home, but school has always come easy for them. I couldn't even help my 14yr old with his homework if I wanted to. He took Cryptography this year. Hes mathematically brilliant and was smoking me my age 11.

My AP makes sure they stay on task, do their chores, and drives them places and makes sure they don't kill each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

When I was in high school, my friends would drive to buy weed after school. Some kids had parents who had the expensive weed. Ecstasy and acid were really cool in the 90's. Everyone was having sex. I lived in a very wealthy well regarded area.

[Anonymous]

I have two elementary aged kids, one prek, and I'm pregnant with our 4th. And my husband travels a lot for work so :/ I was hoping to hear it gets easier, not harder!

[Anonymous]

I work FT but I know at lot of women who have became SAHMs in early elementary and their lives are very BUSY. Before I met them I would imagine that staying at home would be a life of luxury with the kids in school 6 hours a day but it doesn't seem to be that way at all. Because they have less money the mother mows the lawn, does the weeding, hires and supervises all the repairs, and does all the cleaning. She also handles all the doctor's appointments, tutors and for some of the kids like if they have allergies, speech delays it can be very time consuming. If you have messy young kids the cleaning alone can take several hours a day! This is in addition to being a chauffeur for activities, teacher for homework, and counselor to talk out all the drama as they get older. I am often exhausted just hearing about everything. It's much easier to outsource everything to a nanny/aftercare _ cleaning service/landscape person in a lot of ways!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time.

However, I notice that it's the stay at home parents who help make the world run for our children, no question. I do sometimes volunteer and take on activities for my kids, but the stay at home parents are the ones who can volunteer in the classroom once a week, be the swim team parent rep (practically a full time job for a few months in the summer), coach the sports, organize and run the school carnival, etc etc etc.

I appreciate all they do to make our community the child-friendly place that it is.

I appreciate all they do. I don't appreciate them thinking this is the only way to be. That no one can outsource driving without being a bad person. Judgments like that. I also don't appreciate the gossip among parents about school kids. Definitely appreciate the cheerful ones who help out and are friendly to everyone.