Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Your happy with your contributions to the world being cooking, cleaning, and gift buying? Even if you don't need the money...if you're no longer actively raising to the kids don't you feel any need to contribute beyond maintaining your things?

Yes, its a better "contribution" than working at Loft or as an instructional aide at the local elementary school, or as somebody's admin for $15/hour, which are basically the jobs I am qualified for at this point. Seems a little ridiculous to work for so little when my husband makes $400k/year.

Many instructional aides make invaluable contributions to society. The amount one is paid is not necessarily proportionate to the importance of the work he or she is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

To the home? No. To the marriage? Absolutely! All those "networking connections" need to be built and nurtured. This sort of social connection work is traditionally done by women, and rarely noticed by men. But yes, it matters. To the MIL who doesn't go off the rails because her son remembered her birthday/favorite flowers/etc. The promotion you get because wifey and your boss's wifey are friendly, if not "friends". The other at-home parents you can call to watch your kids or carpool or take the kids overnight in an emergency... These connections don't just magically appear (look at every other thread on here complaining about how nobody has time to make/keep friends anymore). Knowing someone well enough to choose a thoughtful gift, remembering an important occassion to give said gift, etc. is a skill, and it brings a tremendous advantage to those who have it (or have someone who has it keeping their calendar).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

To the home? No. To the marriage? Absolutely! All those "networking connections" need to be built and nurtured. This sort of social connection work is traditionally done by women, and rarely noticed by men. But yes, it matters. To the MIL who doesn't go off the rails because her son remembered her birthday/favorite flowers/etc. The promotion you get because wifey and your boss's wifey are friendly, if not "friends". The other at-home parents you can call to watch your kids or carpool or take the kids overnight in an emergency... These connections don't just magically appear (look at every other thread on here complaining about how nobody has time to make/keep friends anymore). Knowing someone well enough to choose a thoughtful gift, remembering an important occassion to give said gift, etc. is a skill, and it brings a tremendous advantage to those who have it (or have someone who has it keeping their calendar).

Omg what a load of tripe.

Let's call a card a card: you DH lets you drink from his gravy train because you I've him sex and probably look pretty good naked. I'm guessing that is the euphemism for what 'gift buying' is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

To the home? No. To the marriage? Absolutely! All those "networking connections" need to be built and nurtured. This sort of social connection work is traditionally done by women, and rarely noticed by men. But yes, it matters. To the MIL who doesn't go off the rails because her son remembered her birthday/favorite flowers/etc. The promotion you get because wifey and your boss's wifey are friendly, if not "friends". The other at-home parents you can call to watch your kids or carpool or take the kids overnight in an emergency... These connections don't just magically appear (look at every other thread on here complaining about how nobody has time to make/keep friends anymore). Knowing someone well enough to choose a thoughtful gift, remembering an important occassion to give said gift, etc. is a skill, and it brings a tremendous advantage to those who have it (or have someone who has it keeping their calendar).

It's already well established that you make friends with other SAHM b/c you have coffee and yoga with them daily -- most friendship is about proximity. It's not because you picked out a book off amazon that spoke to their soul.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but "buying gifts" takes up, at most, 1-2 days per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

To the home? No. To the marriage? Absolutely! All those "networking connections" need to be built and nurtured. This sort of social connection work is traditionally done by women, and rarely noticed by men. But yes, it matters. To the MIL who doesn't go off the rails because her son remembered her birthday/favorite flowers/etc. The promotion you get because wifey and your boss's wifey are friendly, if not "friends". The other at-home parents you can call to watch your kids or carpool or take the kids overnight in an emergency... These connections don't just magically appear (look at every other thread on here complaining about how nobody has time to make/keep friends anymore). Knowing someone well enough to choose a thoughtful gift, remembering an important occassion to give said gift, etc. is a skill, and it brings a tremendous advantage to those who have it (or have someone who has it keeping their calendar).

Jesus wept.

[Anonymous]

I've done both SAHM and WOHM. I can assure you, when I'm in a SAHM mode I am doing lots of fun things for myself- exercise classes, tennis, hiking, meeting friends for coffee, meeting friends for lunch, etc... I know that I'm taking care of the kids and household but I make a point of doing things that I like doing and not feeling guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP, I'm not gonna read the pages of this thread because you're clearly a troll. I'm just trying to decide if you're that awful person from the "PSA" post who thinks SAHMs are the scourge of the earth or if you're a new troll. Either way, fuck off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've done both SAHM and WOHM. I can assure you, when I'm in a SAHM mode I am doing lots of fun things for myself- exercise classes, tennis, hiking, meeting friends for coffee, meeting friends for lunch, etc... I know that I'm taking care of the kids and household but I make a point of doing things that I like doing and not feeling guilty about it.

No reason to feel guilty about not working and enjoying life. The haters are so aggressive because they feel bad about their own life or have some sort of other issue. From the comments it seems like the pp has messed up views on relationships and men. Or doesn't get that a marriage is much more than a paycheck and who does what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've done both SAHM and WOHM. I can assure you, when I'm in a SAHM mode I am doing lots of fun things for myself- exercise classes, tennis, hiking, meeting friends for coffee, meeting friends for lunch, etc... I know that I'm taking care of the kids and household but I make a point of doing things that I like doing and not feeling guilty about it.

I call bullshit. I've been a SAHM for 3 years and I haven't had time to exercise that whole time. I met friends for coffee when my first was <1, but that's about it. Sure, I see friends during activities and hang outs, but it's not exactly leisure time to watch a bunch of mobile kids destroy a house or try to kill themselves at the playground. You have never been any such thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both SAHM and WOHM. I can assure you, when I'm in a SAHM mode I am doing lots of fun things for myself- exercise classes, tennis, hiking, meeting friends for coffee, meeting friends for lunch, etc... I know that I'm taking care of the kids and household but I make a point of doing things that I like doing and not feeling guilty about it.

I call bullshit. I've been a SAHM for 3 years and I haven't had time to exercise that whole time. I met friends for coffee when my first was <1, but that's about it. Sure, I see friends during activities and hang outs, but it's not exactly leisure time to watch a bunch of mobile kids destroy a house or try to kill themselves at the playground. You have never been any such thing.

m


Really? My mom was a sahm and she did many of these things

Not being able to exercise? Gyms typically have a daycare for when you want to work out. Or you jog with a baby stroller. Or walk to the grocery store.

You're ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both SAHM and WOHM. I can assure you, when I'm in a SAHM mode I am doing lots of fun things for myself- exercise classes, tennis, hiking, meeting friends for coffee, meeting friends for lunch, etc... I know that I'm taking care of the kids and household but I make a point of doing things that I like doing and not feeling guilty about it.

I call bullshit. I've been a SAHM for 3 years and I haven't had time to exercise that whole time. I met friends for coffee when my first was <1, but that's about it. Sure, I see friends during activities and hang outs, but it's not exactly leisure time to watch a bunch of mobile kids destroy a house or try to kill themselves at the playground. You have never been any such thing.

m


Really? My mom was a sahm and she did many of these things

Not being able to exercise? Gyms typically have a daycare for when you want to work out. Or you jog with a baby stroller. Or walk to the grocery store.

You're ridiculous.

We don't have money for gym memberships or jogging strollers because we need a regular stroller. A walk to the grocery store is not exercise. Don't get me wrong, I'm put together and slender naturally, but the idea that I get to hit the gym every day whilst caring for two children under 3 is hilarious.

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between being a SAHM with small children who require constant supervision, and being the SAHM for adolescent children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between being a SAHM with small children who require constant supervision, and being the SAHM for adolescent children.

Yeah but who cares? If you're married and don't want to work what's the problem??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Your happy with your contributions to the world being cooking, cleaning, and gift buying? Even if you don't need the money...if you're no longer actively raising to the kids don't you feel any need to contribute beyond maintaining your things?

I hate to break it to you but most people out there are working for the paycheck. Sure it brings some satisfaction but the vast majority of people would quit or do something else if they had the financial means. Very few people are out there changing the world. It's subjective whether the contributions of running a household are more or less fulfilling than working for the man.

The last two PP's have made this thread worthwile for me. Thanks.