Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

This question is for husbands only with SAHMs who really preferred their wives were working. I'm assuming you were okay with the arrangement before but what changed your mind?

[Anonymous]

Why do you assume that?

[Anonymous]

Uh ... what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question is for husbands only with SAHMs who really preferred their wives were working. I'm assuming you were okay with the arrangement before but what changed your mind?

I never changed my mind. My wife just decided to stop working. Then she got pregnant, had a kid, sayed home till school age by plan. Now, she continues to SAH, even though the child is 16.

[Anonymous]

No. It was a unilateral decision and is a huge source of resentment. It kind of killed my marriage. I'm not going anywhere right now, but plan on filing for divorce in a few years once my youngest is settled in college.

[Anonymous]

Thought she'd go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It was a unilateral decision and is a huge source of resentment. It kind of killed my marriage. I'm not going anywhere right now, but plan on filing for divorce in a few years once my youngest is settled in college.

So I assume this isn't the only reason you want a divorce. Can't you suggest she go back to work or does she not have skills to work. Remember...if you divorce her and she has no skill set you will be paying out the nose for alimony and if children there will be child support. May be cheaper to keep her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It was a unilateral decision and is a huge source of resentment. It kind of killed my marriage. I'm not going anywhere right now, but plan on filing for divorce in a few years once my youngest is settled in college.

So I assume this isn't the only reason you want a divorce. Can't you suggest she go back to work or does she not have skills to work. Remember...if you divorce her and she has no skill set you will be paying out the nose for alimony and if children there will be child support. May be cheaper to keep her.

Alimony is far from guaranteed especially if she is able bodied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thought she'd go back.

If you're honest with yourself, can she? Does she have any chance at all of getting anything other than a low-paying job that will just mean she expects you to do a lot more at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thought she'd go back.

If you're honest with yourself, can she? Does she have any chance at all of getting anything other than a low-paying job that will just mean she expects you to do a lot more at home?

A low paying job still helps the household financially, can provide benefits, can help with retirement savings, etc. there is no reason for a parent to be home 24/7 the entire time after kids start school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It was a unilateral decision and is a huge source of resentment. It kind of killed my marriage. I'm not going anywhere right now, but plan on filing for divorce in a few years once my youngest is settled in college.

So I assume this isn't the only reason you want a divorce. Can't you suggest she go back to work or does she not have skills to work. Remember...if you divorce her and she has no skill set you will be paying out the nose for alimony and if children there will be child support. May be cheaper to keep her.

PP already said that he would wait until youngest child is in college. Child support at that point would be minimal, if anything.

Alimony in ththe context that many people think about doesn't exist in that capacity, everywhere.

And why would a spouse want to "keep" someone who only views them as a bank account and it not putting their own value into the marriage and partnership? If it's a mutual agreement, it's different than a unilateral one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thought she'd go back.

If you're honest with yourself, can she? Does she have any chance at all of getting anything other than a low-paying job that will just mean she expects you to do a lot more at home?

This board is full of SAHMs who claim they can jump back anytime / didn't have trouble getting a job at all / etc. Which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thought she'd go back.

If you're honest with yourself, can she? Does she have any chance at all of getting anything other than a low-paying job that will just mean she expects you to do a lot more at home?

This board is full of SAHMs who claim they can jump back anytime / didn't have trouble getting a job at all / etc. Which is it?

Some can, some can't. Many, many more think they can, and then can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thought she'd go back.

If you're honest with yourself, can she? Does she have any chance at all of getting anything other than a low-paying job that will just mean she expects you to do a lot more at home?

A low paying job still helps the household financially, can provide benefits, can help with retirement savings, etc. there is no reason for a parent to be home 24/7 the entire time after kids start school.

I think a lot of men who feel this way then pull the "I make most of the money" card when it comes to grocery shopping and school events. So now mom is working a crummy job for little pay and doing all the domestic stuff. Maybe that's still better, but I do think people underestimate how much life changes with two working spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is for husbands only with SAHMs who really preferred their wives were working. I'm assuming you were okay with the arrangement before but what changed your mind?

I never changed my mind. My wife just decided to stop working. Then she got pregnant, had a kid, sayed home till school age by plan. Now, she continues to SAH, even though the child is 16.

I wouldn't be able to respect someone like this.

I understand young children or special needs children, but there's no need for a full time SAHM for a 16 year old child. It's a shame that she can claim that she "sacrificed" for you and get alimony that she doesn't deserve.

Women stayed at home in the past, but they also had like 8-10 children and no modern appliances, and had to cook everything from scratch. Again, I totally understand and support staying home for young kids or special needs or some special case.