Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DHs who resent their SAH wives are ones who are low earners and need the additional income.

Or they prefer not to be seen as a bank account. Tomato, Tomahto.

[Anonymous]

My DH did not strike me as a traditional man, but he never touched my earnings. My money was my money, and his money was our money. As a result, I saved every penny I earned, retired at 40, stayed at home with my kids, and had household help.

We are not living the high life but we are certainly living a very good life. We are on track for retirement and college. My husband treats me like a queen, and helps out with household chores when he can. I am surprised to hear husbands resenting their wives, because my husband is actually grateful that I left my job and stayed home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Your happy with your contributions to the world being cooking, cleaning, and gift buying? Even if you don't need the money...if you're no longer actively raising to the kids don't you feel any need to contribute beyond maintaining your things?

I hate to break it to you but most people out there are working for the paycheck. Sure it brings some satisfaction but the vast majority of people would quit or do something else if they had the financial means. Very few people are out there changing the world. It's subjective whether the contributions of running a household are more or less fulfilling than working for the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift buying? Really?

This is a STANDARDS in the SAH repertoire. Like clicking on a link at Amazon.com is a huge part of day. Well, maybe it is?

Well DH sure as hell isn't going to do it - even on Amazon - or wrap it - or even be aware that a gifting occasion even exists. If I worked full-time, he would not magically start handling this. So why should I do everything I do now, PLUS work, when all DH has to do is work and nothing more? Its better this way - he and I both agree, so good thing you don't need to understand it!

You spend 8 hours a day buying gifts online and consider it equivalent to a work day?

Where did I say that? I'm just not willing to perform 100% of the household tasks and work full-time, while my husband does zero household tasks. I'd have to be insane to agree to that arrangement. He and I are both happy. Why does it bother you so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift buying? Really?

This is a STANDARDS in the SAH repertoire. Like clicking on a link at Amazon.com is a huge part of day. Well, maybe it is?

Well DH sure as hell isn't going to do it - even on Amazon - or wrap it - or even be aware that a gifting occasion even exists. If I worked full-time, he would not magically start handling this. So why should I do everything I do now, PLUS work, when all DH has to do is work and nothing more? Its better this way - he and I both agree, so good thing you don't need to understand it!

You spend 8 hours a day buying gifts online and consider it equivalent to a work day?

Where did I say that? I'm just not willing to perform 100% of the household tasks and work full-time, while my husband does zero household tasks. I'd have to be insane to agree to that arrangement. He and I are both happy. Why does it bother you so much?

Wait I think we misunderstood. Do you have a card making/gift wrapping room? And wrap gifts like origami? That makes sense now, it would take as much time as household chores and childcare then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift buying? Really?

This is a STANDARDS in the SAH repertoire. Like clicking on a link at Amazon.com is a huge part of day. Well, maybe it is?

Well DH sure as hell isn't going to do it - even on Amazon - or wrap it - or even be aware that a gifting occasion even exists. If I worked full-time, he would not magically start handling this. So why should I do everything I do now, PLUS work, when all DH has to do is work and nothing more? Its better this way - he and I both agree, so good thing you don't need to understand it!

You spend 8 hours a day buying gifts online and consider it equivalent to a work day?

Where did I say that? I'm just not willing to perform 100% of the household tasks and work full-time, while my husband does zero household tasks. I'd have to be insane to agree to that arrangement. He and I are both happy. Why does it bother you so much?

Wait I think we misunderstood. Do you have a card making/gift wrapping room? And wrap gifts like origami? That makes sense now, it would take as much time as household chores and childcare then.

It's not uncommon for stay at home moms to over exaggerate their daily tasks. If your boss was questioning you about your accomplishments, wouldn't you overstate said accomplishments? For many stay at home moms, their gravy train depends on making up tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Your happy with your contributions to the world being cooking, cleaning, and gift buying? Even if you don't need the money...if you're no longer actively raising to the kids don't you feel any need to contribute beyond maintaining your things?

Yes, its a better "contribution" than working at Loft or as an instructional aide at the local elementary school, or as somebody's admin for $15/hour, which are basically the jobs I am qualified for at this point. Seems a little ridiculous to work for so little when my husband makes $400k/year.

I'm actually curious - not trying to be snarky - what do you do that gives you fulfillment in your life? Do you volunteer? Do a lot for extended family? Have a hobby you're deeply into? My husband makes a fortune and I've pondered if I've wanted to pull back to make our lives easier but I'm worried I'd feel like I had no purpose / goals / direction anymore.

Well, my kids are still in elementary school and we live in Loudoun so they get home at 2:45pm. DH works 9-6, so the alone part of my day is only 6 hours - I clean up the house and shower, then head out for an errand or two. Come home, eat lunch, read NYT and DCUM, prep dinner and honestly by then the kids are about to get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift buying? Really?

This is a STANDARDS in the SAH repertoire. Like clicking on a link at Amazon.com is a huge part of day. Well, maybe it is?

Well DH sure as hell isn't going to do it - even on Amazon - or wrap it - or even be aware that a gifting occasion even exists. If I worked full-time, he would not magically start handling this. So why should I do everything I do now, PLUS work, when all DH has to do is work and nothing more? Its better this way - he and I both agree, so good thing you don't need to understand it!

You spend 8 hours a day buying gifts online and consider it equivalent to a work day?

Where did I say that? I'm just not willing to perform 100% of the household tasks and work full-time, while my husband does zero household tasks. I'd have to be insane to agree to that arrangement. He and I are both happy. Why does it bother you so much?

Wait I think we misunderstood. Do you have a card making/gift wrapping room? And wrap gifts like origami? That makes sense now, it would take as much time as household chores and childcare then.

It's not uncommon for stay at home moms to over exaggerate their daily tasks. If your boss was questioning you about your accomplishments, wouldn't you overstate said accomplishments? For many stay at home moms, their gravy train depends on making up tasks.

But why is gift giving always included??? Why not household accounting, investment planning, home repair? Make it something that is believable that would take serious time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DHs who resent their SAH wives are ones who are low earners and need the additional income.

Or they prefer not to be seen as a bank account. Tomato, Tomahto.

I am sure there are money grabbing women, but they have to give up something too. I mean look at Melania Trump. Sure she gets to be the wife of a rich man, but there is a prenup, and she has to have sex with him.


For the average person, the COL in this area is high. There are many families that would not be able to live the lifestyle they enjoy on one salary. So, I can understand the pressure a DH can feel if he is the sole breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Your happy with your contributions to the world being cooking, cleaning, and gift buying? Even if you don't need the money...if you're no longer actively raising to the kids don't you feel any need to contribute beyond maintaining your things?

I hate to break it to you but most people out there are working for the paycheck. Sure it brings some satisfaction but the vast majority of people would quit or do something else if they had the financial means. Very few people are out there changing the world. It's subjective whether the contributions of running a household are more or less fulfilling than working for the man.

Right "do something else" - I'm asking if you have the luxury of not having to do a shitty job for a paycheck, don't you want to find a way that feels meaningful to contribute to society

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Your happy with your contributions to the world being cooking, cleaning, and gift buying? Even if you don't need the money...if you're no longer actively raising to the kids don't you feel any need to contribute beyond maintaining your things?

I hate to break it to you but most people out there are working for the paycheck. Sure it brings some satisfaction but the vast majority of people would quit or do something else if they had the financial means. Very few people are out there changing the world. It's subjective whether the contributions of running a household are more or less fulfilling than working for the man.

Right "do something else" - I'm asking if you have the luxury of not having to do a shitty job for a paycheck, don't you want to find a way that feels meaningful to contribute to society

I am a different PP than the one you quoted and my answer is NO, I'm happy just like this. Self-contentment is hard for some people to understand. And my husband knows I'm not toiling away every second of the day - he doesn't care. He likes his job and does not feel a "burden" of being a breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

[Anonymous]

I find it very telling when some posters write about SAHMs being on the "gravy train".

The reality is that there has to be a gravy train to get on it. If your DH does not make enough money - there is no gravy train to begin with. It is not as if the gravy train opportunity is for everyone. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she has been out of the work force for 20 years, YBYA she will get alimony.

Yes, she probably will. But the judge may also expect her to find a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan ahead and do your homework, girls. Don't be like me and get stuck with a loser who can't afford to keep things a float and APPRECIATE a woman playing a traditional role, if that is what you want.

I regret marrying my husband every day. I thought I was marrying for love but I was just being an idiot.

I bet he regrets marrying a leech.

Or it could be a partnership where each spouse contributes different things? Or maybe the husband doesn't solely judge his wife on her job or lack thereof? Is being a sahm anymore of a leech than a child?

A teenager does not need constant, one on one hands on care (barring special needs). What exactly is the SAH spouse "contributing" at that point that equals an income that will benefit everyone?

Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, gift buying/wrapping, home maintenance, etc. At that point its more like a homemaker.

Also, some of us are married to husbands who make so much that the incremental income we'd bring is not needed and would barely be noticed. Its not like we are living on credit card debt or skipping college/retirement savings for me to stay home. Quite the opposite.

Gift buying and wrapping? This brings appreciable value to the home?

The value of the previous poster is in the eye of her husband and family. Maybe for them she brings value, just by existing. Why is that getting your panties in a twist? She is not struggling for money, so, money is not a valuable contribution from her for her family. Her monetary and your monetary situation may be different.