Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It was a unilateral decision and is a huge source of resentment. It kind of killed my marriage. I'm not going anywhere right now, but plan on filing for divorce in a few years once my youngest is settled in college.

Ohhh, I get it, use her to raise the kids, because you know that's best for them, but then kick her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not bashing SAHM but I wonder sometimes why any woman would want to be so vulnerable to be in the position of being a SAHM. If you have skills and 10yrs go by you will have to fight tooth and nail to get them back and get back out there. Marriages end and they end often so why throw all your eggs in one basket and hope for the best. Women with children need to be able to fend for themselves with or with out a husband/boyfriend and being a SAHM is a very vulnerable position to be in even if wealthy.

I took the risk because I believe, based on what I have read, that growth from 0-3 sets the course for a person's life. During this time, i wanted to make sure that my daughter got lots of love, attention, guidance how to behave. And to have real hands on introduction to the world from spending time in the woods, at unfamiliar playgrounds, in the city streets, playing with kids with special needs, with poor kids from the city, with rich kids in Kalorama, etc so that she has confidence in many different situations.

Now that my daughter is 2, I am actively networking and volunteering to find a decent job by the time she is 3. I see it as giving her time to grow strong roots, then she can go off alone.

I don't have time to summarize the research, but look it up. White Led the Harvard Preschool Project for decades, among other things.

That might work if you don't really need to work, and you only have one kid. How about parents who can't take 3 years off per child and keep their careers?

[Anonymous]

I did things differently and it worked out. I married at 19, dropped out of college had two kids, went back and got my degree when they were 1 and 3. Husband had good job and I liked a school schedule. Did most of my studying in the morning before they woke up and only took classes three days per week. Then I had a third , took a year off and when she was 1 went to graduate school. I started working full time when my youngest was 4 and I was 29, so I never had to leave the work force. I worked 30 years and now have retired and my DH and I are helping out with 7 grand kids. I think having kids younger is easier.

[Anonymous]

I've found that in most cases where men resent their SAHM wives, it's because they can't handle the pressure of being a sole provider in an area where it seems that someone else always has more. So rather than accept their own limitations and adjust the family lifestyle accordingly, they grow angry at their wives. How dare she be happy caring for kids and home and parents when he is stressed and beaten down by work?

There was a time when men considered it a source of pride to be able to provide for a SAHM. Sad that we've lost that.

Also, the studies that say children of working parents are as successful as children of SAHM mothers are biased, in my opinion. They tend to look mostly at the childrens' educational attainment and employment, not psychological wellbeing, sense of personal and family identity, self-worth that is not dependent on school and professional achievements, etc. These thing are harder to measure, but to me, are far more important than how many degrees my kids end up with. In my experience and observation, SAHMs simply have more time and emotional energy to facilitate those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Can anyone name an intelligent public figure woman who stayed home to raise kids? Neither Clinton did it. Trumps' daughter didn't. It's alluring to the women who do not have the intellectual firepower to compete successfully in the free market. And of my dozens of male friends, I don't have 1 that wants his wife to stay home. Not one. Instead, many of their spouses just decreed that they are staying home. I would never marry a stay at home or a woman who even said she wanted to stay at home. Just like I'm sure every one of the women on here wouldn't marry a man that said he wanted to stay home.. There is nothing attractive about people who cannot look after themselves- man or woman.

Nancy Pelosi