Help! Are my husband and I being unreasonable or are my in-laws expecting too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In response to 18:21, we did not miss the party hosts wedding! It was my husband's brothers wife's brother whose wedding we missed.

Do you people honestly thing OP's husband's brothers wife's brother was really upset that OP and spouse were not there? I'm not sure they were anchoring the head table or anything! I'm sure folks will argue the expense or whatever but if the happy couple is inviting relatives by marriage 4 times removed, I don't think they're micromanaging the guest list.

I think people are really missing the point here. Once you RSVP yes, regardless of whose wedding it is, it's not okay not to go unless you have a true emergency.

Fine. But for it to be such a big deal that it caused a huge fight between DH and his brother shows a serious lack of perspective and boundries on brother's part. Be sorry they missed it. Be disappointed. A fight? Holding a grudge? That's cray cray. And expecting the OP and DH to do penance by driving 7 hrs round trip for a two hour kids party? With family like that who needs enemies.

+100 DH's closest cousin -- who lived with him for a couple years -- said she was coming to our wedding with her DH and 2 kids. Did not show up on the day of the wedding and never provided any reason at all. Yes, he was disappointed. But we're not holding any grudges over it. For me, I just took it as a learning experience about his family...in this and many many other ways they have NO social graces. So I expect none, don't count on them turning up for anything, but enjoy their company when we happen to get together.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line is all young parents think their kids are the be all and end all. 55 yr old father of three here. Don't even think about going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In response to 18:21, we did not miss the party hosts wedding! It was my husband's brothers wife's brother whose wedding we missed.

Do you people honestly thing OP's husband's brothers wife's brother was really upset that OP and spouse were not there? I'm not sure they were anchoring the head table or anything! I'm sure folks will argue the expense or whatever but if the happy couple is inviting relatives by marriage 4 times removed, I don't think they're micromanaging the guest list.

I think people are really missing the point here. Once you RSVP yes, regardless of whose wedding it is, it's not okay not to go unless you have a true emergency.

Fine. But for it to be such a big deal that it caused a huge fight between DH and his brother shows a serious lack of perspective and boundries on brother's part. Be sorry they missed it. Be disappointed. A fight? Holding a grudge? That's cray cray. And expecting the OP and DH to do penance by driving 7 hrs round trip for a two hour kids party? With family like that who needs enemies.

+100 DH's closest cousin -- who lived with him for a couple years -- said she was coming to our wedding with her DH and 2 kids. Did not show up on the day of the wedding and never provided any reason at all. Yes, he was disappointed. But we're not holding any grudges over it. For me, I just took it as a learning experience about his family...in this and many many other ways they have NO social graces. So I expect none, don't count on them turning up for anything, but enjoy their company when we happen to get together.

So what you're saying is OP has no social graces.

[Anonymous]

you were rude on the wedding, and I hope you apologized profusely. You very well may have taken up "spots" that could have gone to other people, and you likely cost the bride/groom $150 in food, etc. that didn't get used.

That said, going to this birthday party is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In response to 18:21, we did not miss the party hosts wedding! It was my husband's brothers wife's brother whose wedding we missed.

Just say it was your SIL's brother's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you were rude on the wedding, and I hope you apologized profusely. You very well may have taken up "spots" that could have gone to other people, and you likely cost the bride/groom $150 in food, etc. that didn't get used.

That said, going to this birthday party is stupid.

This. It does not take two people to take a dog to the emergency vet. It just doesn't. And if you really needed another person, grab a neighbor or a local friend. One person could have easily attended that wedding.

[Anonymous]

Skip the birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Eh wedding... Party... Birthday.... Skip it... You'll see them next time. Really NBD.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I think it's tacky to invite out of town guests to a party place b-day party without also inviting them to your home. It's like they're saying, drive all this way, drop off the present, and we may get a few minutes to speak with you in between wrangling kids and taking pictures.

That being said, now that I'm "old" I would almost surely make the drive to something like this. I would plan something fun (or just a nice lunch) in the area either before or after and invite MIL/FIL to join us in those plans. I might stay over night in a nice hotel the night before and explore the city. The older I get the more I appreciate seeing family members and getting together to celebrate (no matter what is being celebrated). Life is short and you never know how much time you have left with people.

[Anonymous]

I travel 4 hours each way, with my kids, to go to my nephews' and niece's birthday parties. We usually make a weekend of it and spend some time enjoying the company of my siblings and in-laws.

It honestly sounds like you're not very close, and that you'd rather not go. That's fine. But you need to remember that when/if you have kids, they will probably not build a relationship with your kids because you have not prioritized doing the same with theirs. To each his own, but please expect to play by the rules you establish.

(I am astounded that you thought a DOG merited two people missing a wedding, but TWIN HUMAN BABIES aren't worth a one-day trip. I'm sort of appalled by your attitude, but I am guessing you're sort of a pill and your DH's family will be sort of grateful if you don't show up.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I think it's tacky to invite out of town guests to a party place b-day party without also inviting them to your home. It's like they're saying, drive all this way, drop off the present, and we may get a few minutes to speak with you in between wrangling kids and taking pictures.

That being said, now that I'm "old" I would almost surely make the drive to something like this. I would plan something fun (or just a nice lunch) in the area either before or after and invite MIL/FIL to join us in those plans. I might stay over night in a nice hotel the night before and explore the city. The older I get the more I appreciate seeing family members and getting together to celebrate (no matter what is being celebrated). Life is short and you never know how much time you have left with people.

I feel exactly the same way. This seems like immature behavior on the part of OP. But she sounds generally immature, so I'm guessing she's young and lacks perspective.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much for all of the great advice. My husband has been reading all of your answers and suggestions as well and it has really opened his eyes to how unreasonable his mother and brother can be sometimes. As far as the wedding goes my husband called his brother while we were in the emergency vet and he apologized profusely. We called the parents of the bride and groom the following evening and they were more than understanding. It was my husband's brother that was angry. I already mentioned this once but I will say it again for the late posters: the wedding was over 2 hours away and we were about 15 minutes away from being ready to leave when my dog's injury occurred. My husband and I understand that not everybody considers their dog to be like a child to them but our dog is and we treat him as such. Luckily for us the bride and groom and their parents feel the same way about their animals too. And there were apparently over 300 people at this wedding according to my husband's brother so I don't really think money was a factor but that is not the point. Lots of side tracked posts on the wedding issue but it is interesting to see other people's perspectives on this as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Staying the weekend is not an option because they are moving in 2 weeks. Additionally, our dog's injury was very serious. the tennis ball that hit him straight in the eye was going about 50 miles per hour and had we not brought him directly in for care he could have lost his eyesight. We we're getting ready to leave for the wedding when this injury occurred. The wedding was 2 hours away. Sorry, I should have included that information in the original post. Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice!

Were you under the impression at the time that it would kill him? Is one of you unable to drive? Still completely unclear on why ONE of you didn't attend with apologies for the other missing.

You're a idiot. If our dog was seriously injured there's no way we would leave him to attend a wedding.

[Anonymous]

How silly of them to expect you to drive all that way for a kid's party. I am sure they all have smart phones--you should just "call in" during the party to wish the child happy birthday and perhaps send a nice birthday check as a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for all of the great advice. My husband has been reading all of your answers and suggestions as well and it has really opened his eyes to how unreasonable his mother and brother can be sometimes. As far as the wedding goes my husband called his brother while we were in the emergency vet and he apologized profusely. We called the parents of the bride and groom the following evening and they were more than understanding. It was my husband's brother that was angry. I already mentioned this once but I will say it again for the late posters: the wedding was over 2 hours away and we were about 15 minutes away from being ready to leave when my dog's injury occurred. My husband and I understand that not everybody considers their dog to be like a child to them but our dog is and we treat him as such. Luckily for us the bride and groom and their parents feel the same way about their animals too. And there were apparently over 300 people at this wedding according to my husband's brother so I don't really think money was a factor but that is not the point. Lots of side tracked posts on the wedding issue but it is interesting to see other people's perspectives on this as well.

That gives me faith in humanity and make me think you should ditch your husband brother and get to know these people better.