Help! Are my husband and I being unreasonable or are my in-laws expecting too much?

[Anonymous]

It would be much better if you could offer to come by their house on a different day (or even better, over a weekend) to give gifts in person and actually spend time with the children instead of standing there uncomfortably watching a bunch of toddlers misbehave. Honestly, there is no way a bunch of 2-year-olds are going to act appropriately at this type of birthday party. They are too young.

[Anonymous]

Tell them it has to be total driving < total time there.

That's my rule in life, and it has served me well.

So basically you suggest coming on Saturday afternoon/evening. Or not at all.

[Anonymous]

They don't want to host guests for the party, so you're expected to make a round-trip on the same day, or reserve a hotel? No way.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter what they expect, you guys can make your own decision. I wouldn't go. And why would you even be expected to go to your husband's brohter's wife's brother's wedding???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them it has to be total driving < total time there.

That's my rule in life, and it has served me well.

So basically you suggest coming on Saturday afternoon/evening. Or not at all.

And I know you said they already told you no....but cite the 'rule' and let them choose......

[Anonymous]

Well I never have and never would invite adults to long distance birthday parties. Your MIL is crazy to think you should be there. It isn't a family party it is a kid party. Send gifts and cards and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go but maybe they're mad because they think it's a pattern. Like missing a wedding you RSVPed to because you BOTH needed to be with a dog who had a non-life threatening injury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

[Anonymous]

A wedding is important and I would have definitely made every effort to go, despite the dog surgery.

A child's birthday party at a gym place is not as important an event and I would not travel that far for it unless the hosts offered accommodation and were more appreciative of my efforts than it appears they are.

[Anonymous]

We drive 3.5 hours for my niece's birthday. It's once a year, we make a weekend of it. They do the same for our kids.

[Anonymous]

When my relatives in nj come for my child's birthday they spend the whole weekend at my house (at least). They don't drive back after the 3 hour party is over. Why don't you make a weekend out of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

NP here. If they had RSVP'd no for the wedding from the beginning, I don't think it would be a big deal. My impression is that they RSVP'd yes and then at the last minute decided that neither of them could go due to the dog's injury. That's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

Not pp, but I've met all my husband's brother's wife's siblings and am friendly with them at parties, but I have zero expectations of being invited to their weddings, let alone expecting my attendance to be mandatory. That's just nuts.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Staying the weekend is not an option because they are moving in 2 weeks. Additionally, our dog's injury was very serious. the tennis ball that hit him straight in the eye was going about 50 miles per hour and had we not brought him directly in for care he could have lost his eyesight. We we're getting ready to leave for the wedding when this injury occurred. The wedding was 2 hours away. Sorry, I should have included that information in the original post. Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Staying the weekend is not an option because they are moving in 2 weeks. Additionally, our dog's injury was very serious. the tennis ball that hit him straight in the eye was going about 50 miles per hour and had we not brought him directly in for care he could have lost his eyesight. We we're getting ready to leave for the wedding when this injury occurred. The wedding was 2 hours away. Sorry, I should have included that information in the original post. Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice!

1 - stay in a hotel
2- one of you still should've gone to the wedding