Help! Are my husband and I being unreasonable or are my in-laws expecting too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

Not pp, but I've met all my husband's brother's wife's siblings and am friendly with them at parties, but I have zero expectations of being invited to their weddings, let alone expecting my attendance to be mandatory. That's just nuts.

+1

-1 I wouldn't expect it or be likely to attend either BUT if I RSVPed yes I would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I never have and never would invite adults to long distance birthday parties. Your MIL is crazy to think you should be there. It isn't a family party it is a kid party. Send gifts and cards and call it a day.

+1 My ILs are about 3 hrs away and have NEVER attended any event here except DH and my wedding and have never asked us to attend any family parties. I did invite them to my kids' 1st birthday parties just out of courtesy -- never expected them to attend.

But, my ILs never show the slightest interest in our lives so our example is perhaps not ideal Still, I wouldn't drive that to attend a 2-hr gym party. But, I'd plan a trip the weekend before or after to bring them their birthday presents and actually get to have some relaxed time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

Not pp, but I've met all my husband's brother's wife's siblings and am friendly with them at parties, but I have zero expectations of being invited to their weddings, let alone expecting my attendance to be mandatory. That's just nuts.

It's mandatory to attend a wedding once you RSVP yes absent an excellent excuse.

This. I've only missed a wedding once, and it was for horrible vomiting. The bride was happy to have me not bring it there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In response to 18:21, we did not miss the party hosts wedding! It was my husband's brothers wife's brother whose wedding we missed.

Do you people honestly thing OP's husband's brothers wife's brother was really upset that OP and spouse were not there? I'm not sure they were anchoring the head table or anything! I'm sure folks will argue the expense or whatever but if the happy couple is inviting relatives by marriage 4 times removed, I don't think they're micromanaging the guest list.

I think people are really missing the point here. Once you RSVP yes, regardless of whose wedding it is, it's not okay not to go unless you have a true emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

It is not horrible to miss the wedding of a distant relative by marriage for any reason.

And expecting someone to drive 7 hours for a two hour jump party for a two year old is just silly.

Stay strong OP! Don't feed the monster.

It's horrible if you said you would come. OP could have declined but did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

NP here. If they had RSVP'd no for the wedding from the beginning, I don't think it would be a big deal. My impression is that they RSVP'd yes and then at the last minute decided that neither of them could go due to the dog's injury. That's rude.

My family is loaded with animal lovers and we would have understood why OP and spouse missed the wedding.

You're an anamoly. Mine is also and we would not have understood why ONE could not attend when the injury was clearly not life threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

It is not horrible to miss the wedding of a distant relative by marriage for any reason.

And expecting someone to drive 7 hours for a two hour jump party for a two year old is just silly.

Stay strong OP! Don't feed the monster.

It's not horrible if you decline! It's bad to miss ANYONE's wedding once you RSVP yes. Seriously people. This is ettiquette 101.

[Anonymous]

It's not unreasonable to me, but then my family does this type of stuff.

It's not like you have children. You could manage belong tired for one day. you probably won't be that tired because I doubt you go to bed before 9 pm and it's highly unlikely you would be any later than that.


You could plan to arrive earlier in the day and you and your husband could have a little date.

It's clear you don't want to do that.

My final answer, I don't think it's unreasonable for your in-laws to ask.

I don't think it's wrong for you to say no, as long as you are okay with the backing out of you and DH's events and ceasing to invite you to things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are ADULTS. Manage your own relationships, and make your own decisions.

End of thread.

[Anonymous]

Skip it. Not worth the drive. Send a gift.

In general, my own DC don't attend every single kid bday party, esp at far flung venues.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to attend. If it is at a kids venue and you aren't welcome at the house beforehand, you are absolved of any obligation to attend. If they were willing to host you overnight to make it worth the drive, then you'd have reason to consider it.

[Anonymous]

The twins have to be the first grandkids. This is something that new parents expect when there are no other kids in the family. Once you have kids there is no way your in-laws are going to drive their, by then, 8 or 9 year old twins to your kids two year old birthday party. They will have other sports, dance, music, school birthday parties to go to. I was just thinking about his the other day. My oldest brother had big birthday parties for his oldest and every extended relative went and brought huge gifts (including me). By the time my kids rolled around, I am lucky to get the grandparents to come. He and his wife and kids don't show up. Really, don't go. The twins will never remember who was there, they won't even remember the party. No one will ever look at those birthday pictures in a few years. It is silly to drive 7 hours for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws expect way too much. I would never expect family to drive like that for a party at a venue like that--it's not like you'd even be spending time with the birthday kid. Hell, my brother and SIL are local and we don't even invite them to our kids' parties. If we had them at home we would, but not at a venue where the kids are doing their own thing for two hours.

+1

No way.

[Anonymous]

If they want family to attend, they should have a family birthday party, separate from the kids party. That's what we do. Try to find another day to visit and celebrate with the kids or just send a card/gift.

[Anonymous]

There's no reason to go to this party.

I haven't read the whole thread, so it may be covered, but start setting boundaries NOW especially before you have kids.

You are probably going to end up seeing much less of your ILs due to their response--unless they can adjust and be a little gracious. Hold your ground, OP.