Help! Are my husband and I being unreasonable or are my in-laws expecting too much?

[Anonymous]

Don't go to this party. I think your ILs are being unreasonable.

I'm not at all a dog-lover, and am, in fact, kind of a dog-hater (don't tell my Capitol Hill neighbors). And even I get why you bailed on a wedding that you RSVP'd too because of a serious injury to your dog. Maybe not life-threatening but potential loss of an eye would be really scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The twins have to be the first grandkids. This is something that new parents expect when there are no other kids in the family. Once you have kids there is no way your in-laws are going to drive their, by then, 8 or 9 year old twins to your kids two year old birthday party. They will have other sports, dance, music, school birthday parties to go to. I was just thinking about his the other day. My oldest brother had big birthday parties for his oldest and every extended relative went and brought huge gifts (including me). By the time my kids rolled around, I am lucky to get the grandparents to come. He and his wife and kids don't show up. Really, don't go. The twins will never remember who was there, they won't even remember the party. No one will ever look at those birthday pictures in a few years. It is silly to drive 7 hours for that.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

PEOPLE. It does not matter if it is an at-home party or a kid party; a wedding or a Thanksgiving feast; a retirement luau or a bat mitzvah. OP's in-laws don't get to decide whether OP and her husband MUST come to ANYTHING.

Are you or are you not adults, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PEOPLE. It does not matter if it is an at-home party or a kid party; a wedding or a Thanksgiving feast; a retirement luau or a bat mitzvah. OP's in-laws don't get to decide whether OP and her husband MUST come to ANYTHING.

Are you or are you not adults, OP?

The question wasn't do they get to decide. It was whether not going was reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PEOPLE. It does not matter if it is an at-home party or a kid party; a wedding or a Thanksgiving feast; a retirement luau or a bat mitzvah. OP's in-laws don't get to decide whether OP and her husband MUST come to ANYTHING.

Are you or are you not adults, OP?

The question wasn't do they get to decide. It was whether not going was reasonable.

And clearly OP doesn't want to go. So who cares what ILs say or think? Why is that even a factor?

[Anonymous]

Your inlaws are unreasonable. Ludicrous to expect anyone to go to these extremes for 2yr. olds birthday party. Send a gift and be done with it

[Anonymous]

Your inlaws are unreasonable. Ludicrous to expect anyone to go to these extremes for 2yr. olds birthday party. Send a gift and be done with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

NP here. If they had RSVP'd no for the wedding from the beginning, I don't think it would be a big deal. My impression is that they RSVP'd yes and then at the last minute decided that neither of them could go due to the dog's injury. That's rude.

My family is loaded with animal lovers and we would have understood why OP and spouse missed the wedding.

You're an anamoly. Mine is also and we would not have understood why ONE could not attend when the injury was clearly not life threatening.

Same here! I would totally understand if someone missed my wedding for what OP described, provided they didn't have a role in the ceremony or something else significant. Two people out of 100+? Would this distant, much-removed bride or groom even have noticed??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In response to 18:21, we did not miss the party hosts wedding! It was my husband's brothers wife's brother whose wedding we missed.

Do you people honestly thing OP's husband's brothers wife's brother was really upset that OP and spouse were not there? I'm not sure they were anchoring the head table or anything! I'm sure folks will argue the expense or whatever but if the happy couple is inviting relatives by marriage 4 times removed, I don't think they're micromanaging the guest list.

I think people are really missing the point here. Once you RSVP yes, regardless of whose wedding it is, it's not okay not to go unless you have a true emergency.

Fine. But for it to be such a big deal that it caused a huge fight between DH and his brother shows a serious lack of perspective and boundries on brother's part. Be sorry they missed it. Be disappointed. A fight? Holding a grudge? That's cray cray. And expecting the OP and DH to do penance by driving 7 hrs round trip for a two hour kids party? With family like that who needs enemies.

[Anonymous]

Do not go to the party and do not feel guilty. If you could go for the whole weekend and actually spend some time with the birthday kids, that would be one thing. But to spend 7 hours in the car to stand around in the hallway and watch a bunch of toddlers running around? No way. I have been to those parties with my kid, and you will not get to spend much time with the birthday kids.

As for the wedding, eh. You should have sent your husband and you could have stayed with the dog. I'm not an animal person but I can see why one of you needed to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PEOPLE. It does not matter if it is an at-home party or a kid party; a wedding or a Thanksgiving feast; a retirement luau or a bat mitzvah. OP's in-laws don't get to decide whether OP and her husband MUST come to ANYTHING.

Are you or are you not adults, OP?

The question wasn't do they get to decide. It was whether not going was reasonable.

And clearly OP doesn't want to go. So who cares what ILs say or think? Why is that even a factor?

Because OP is making it one, though I agree this question was pointless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

NP here. If they had RSVP'd no for the wedding from the beginning, I don't think it would be a big deal. My impression is that they RSVP'd yes and then at the last minute decided that neither of them could go due to the dog's injury. That's rude.

My family is loaded with animal lovers and we would have understood why OP and spouse missed the wedding.

You're an anamoly. Mine is also and we would not have understood why ONE could not attend when the injury was clearly not life threatening.

Same here! I would totally understand if someone missed my wedding for what OP described, provided they didn't have a role in the ceremony or something else significant. Two people out of 100+? Would this distant, much-removed bride or groom even have noticed??

You're assuming a) there were hundreds of people and b) that because they aren't closely related, they aren't close. It's entirely possible OP and/or OP's husband knew these people quite well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not drive 7 hours for a gymnastics olace type party on a Sunday. In laws are being unreasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

A couple I was close to rsvped yes to my medium size wedding. On my wedding day I received a message that they couldn't make it. To this day I don't know exactly why. But guess what? I spent exactly zero minutes being angry and 10+ years later we are still close.

Life is easier when you don't get bent out of shape about things. People want to spend time with you when you let stuff go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Missing the wedding was horrible . I would disown you guys. Yes you go to the party

for a husband's brother's sister-in-law? I don't even know if my husband's brother has a sister in law, much less who she might be, much less be invited to her wedding!

And no, no adult goes to a kid's birthday party at a kiddie venue unless they live right there and it's convenient. Stop with the family guilt trips!

You don't sound like a close family PP.

Not pp, but I've met all my husband's brother's wife's siblings and am friendly with them at parties, but I have zero expectations of being invited to their weddings, let alone expecting my attendance to be mandatory. That's just nuts.

Yeah this. It would have been ok to rsvp no, but it was shitty to miss it last minute to the dog surgery. And I'm a dog lover.

It's mandatory to attend a wedding once you RSVP yes absent an excellent excuse.