SIL mean to my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.

When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.

So you only wish people happy birthday if you find them interesting, adorable, and amazing? You feel no need to be basically decent and polite to your relative's children?

How I interact with my relatives is irrelevant. Your SIL's behavior with her nephew is none of your business. It is between her, the boy and his parents. Any issues you have with your SIL's behavior towards your child should be addressed with your DH (her brother). It is his relationship to manage, not yours. You should focus your efforts on learning how to curb your gossiping and creating drama in the family.

You should reconsider hosting your SIL's baby shower. Your heart isn't in the right place, your feelings are not genuine and your SIL deserves better. You are neither decent nor polite.

I'm the PP you responded to and I'm not the OP. Don't be so daft; the mention of the nephew is relevant because it shows a pattern of behavior by SIL. SIL is the drama queen here. Your post makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't the uncle/brother be the one to acknowledge and buy the gifts? Its his nephew, not hers. She was actively grieving the child she'd never have. Cut her some slack.

I agree OP should cut her some slack but why would you assume her husband is less devastated that he won't have a child?

I don't but it is his nephew biologically, hers by marriage. Why is it her responsibility to remember all holidays, call and send gifts? His family, he can do it.

What are you people talking about? She just said SIL doesn't acknowledge the child or wish him a happy birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't the uncle/brother be the one to acknowledge and buy the gifts? Its his nephew, not hers. She was actively grieving the child she'd never have. Cut her some slack.

I agree OP should cut her some slack but why would you assume her husband is less devastated that he won't have a child?

I don't but it is his nephew biologically, hers by marriage. Why is it her responsibility to remember all holidays, call and send gifts? His family, he can do it.

What are you people talking about? She just said SIL doesn't acknowledge the child or wish him a happy birthday?

Exactly. It is her SIL, not brother. Brother could take the lead and do it for the family.

[Anonymous]

I don't see that the SIL is behaving all that badly. She's not mean to the kids. She doesn't say or do nasty things to them. She's just absent from birthday parties and she doesn't want to hold babies. Yes, she should have tried to manage her grief and emotions better, but OP is making this all about her.

Not holding a baby is not being mean to the baby. Running out of the room when you're crying is not being mean to the baby. SIL could have handled things better, yes, but OP sounds like a drama queen, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't the uncle/brother be the one to acknowledge and buy the gifts? Its his nephew, not hers. She was actively grieving the child she'd never have. Cut her some slack.

Why does anyone have to buy the kids gifts? In my family, one of my brothers is really close with my kids, but the rest of the aunts and uncles are not. My brother buys my kids gifts for holidays and birthdays, but the rest of the family doesn't. Kids aren't entitled to gifts from aunts and uncles. Kids don't care if they aren't close to every single aunt and uncle. This is a non-issue for the kid. It's completely about OP feeling entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see that the SIL is behaving all that badly. She's not mean to the kids. She doesn't say or do nasty things to them. She's just absent from birthday parties and she doesn't want to hold babies. Yes, she should have tried to manage her grief and emotions better, but OP is making this all about her.

Not holding a baby is not being mean to the baby. Running out of the room when you're crying is not being mean to the baby. SIL could have handled things better, yes, but OP sounds like a drama queen, too.

Being sad that someone doesn't want to interact with your baby doesn't make you a drama queen. OP is just hurt. Her only mistake is airing this on DCUM. Lots of people giving her shit when they really don't know that much.

[Anonymous]

How was she mean to your dd ? Your examples don't make sense she wasn't mean to her at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see that the SIL is behaving all that badly. She's not mean to the kids. She doesn't say or do nasty things to them. She's just absent from birthday parties and she doesn't want to hold babies. Yes, she should have tried to manage her grief and emotions better, but OP is making this all about her.

Not holding a baby is not being mean to the baby. Running out of the room when you're crying is not being mean to the baby. SIL could have handled things better, yes, but OP sounds like a drama queen, too.

Being sad that someone doesn't want to interact with your baby doesn't make you a drama queen. OP is just hurt. Her only mistake is airing this on DCUM. Lots of people giving her shit when they really don't know that much.

Calling someone mean because she won't hold your baby IS being a drama queen. Saying that not buying a nephew - by marriage - a present is "mean" is being a drama queen. The kids don't give a rat's butt whether they're held and whether one of the aunts isn't at a party. It's about OP trashing another person.

As for the scene in the hospital - SIL didn't yell at OP. She didn't say something nasty. She didn't sit there and sulk and make everyone miserable. She attempted to show up and be the present aunt and she couldn't handle that. It's arguably weak, but I think it would be unkind to insult someone for that weakness. In no universe is it "mean."

Being sad about it is weird. It would be one thing if OP's own parent or sibling couldn't get it together to form a relationship with her kid. That might be sad.

But a sister in law? This is the baby version of Bridezilla. Everyone has to be into OP's baby and if not, they are "mean."

[Anonymous]

Not everyone wants to hold your baby or coo at her. I have two kids I love but have no desire to hold other people's babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. Let me clarify, my SIL was directly "mean" to my daughter by not acknowledging her. Whether my daughter understands that or not, it's not right.

Anyway, this is just how I feel on the inside...on the outside, I'm very nice to her and we get along. I'm throwing the baby shower for her. I just don't understand how people can act this way towards a baby. I had fertility issues as well and it was hard watching all my friends get pregnant, but I never ran out crying or not acknowledge the baby.

You know what? You should not throw her a baby shower. Obviously, you are hurt about her behaviour towards your child. No need to compound the resentment by throwing a baby shower.

LMAO SIL will live without the dumbass baby shower. She's got the baby, she couldn't care less about OP's petulant tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.

When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.

So you only wish people happy birthday if you find them interesting, adorable, and amazing? You feel no need to be basically decent and polite to your relative's children?

How I interact with my relatives is irrelevant. Your SIL's behavior with her nephew is none of your business. It is between her, the boy and his parents. Any issues you have with your SIL's behavior towards your child should be addressed with your DH (her brother). It is his relationship to manage, not yours. You should focus your efforts on learning how to curb your gossiping and creating drama in the family.

You should reconsider hosting your SIL's baby shower. Your heart isn't in the right place, your feelings are not genuine and your SIL deserves better. You are neither decent nor polite.

Well put [phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see that the SIL is behaving all that badly. She's not mean to the kids. She doesn't say or do nasty things to them. She's just absent from birthday parties and she doesn't want to hold babies. Yes, she should have tried to manage her grief and emotions better, but OP is making this all about her.

Not holding a baby is not being mean to the baby. Running out of the room when you're crying is not being mean to the baby. SIL could have handled things better, yes, but OP sounds like a drama queen, too.

Being sad that someone doesn't want to interact with your baby doesn't make you a drama queen. OP is just hurt. Her only mistake is airing this on DCUM. Lots of people giving her shit when they really don't know that much.

Yeah, it does. Not everybody is into kids in general, including a great many people with children of their own. If you're hurt that the world doesn't care much for your brats, there's something wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone think this might have been written by the SIL?

I don't understand how someone can be so self-absorbed and narcissistic as the OP (if real and as stated), that it seems like it *has* be be written by a troll, or a "from the other perspective" sort of approach.

Nope, I'm betting it is legit. My DH and I dealt with infertility for years, before finally conceiving our DD through IVF. Unfortunately, I encountered quite a bit of thoughtlessness from several people, including close friends/family, during that time. For some reason, people seem to have very little empathy for infertility.
I spent years putting on a brave face and hiding my true feelings. "Sucking it up" to attend showers and visit new babies and their mothers, because these ladies were my friends, and, despite how painful it was to think I might never have a child, I wanted to be there for them. It was isolating and heart-wrenching and a horribly painful experience.
You never truly know what someone else is going through. Maybe that hospital visit or missed birthday party occurred just after the SIL experienced a miscarriage or received news that the latest treatment cycle didn't work or insurance coverage had fallen through, or any number of things. I can remember walking out of a Starbuck's in tears on Mother's Day two years ago - the barista had wished me a Happy Mother's Day just a few days after our most recent cycle failure, and I just couldn't handle it any more. I'm sure she thought I was crazy.

NP, and I think people have very little empathy IN GENERAL.
People go through many things - you may or may not be privy to their level of grief. I'ts better to assume there are things at play that you don't understand.
I remember one very close friend of mine was totally MIA for 4 months when my first kid was born. Turns out she was actually going through a bad separation.
Another very close family friend skipped my wedding (called 2 days before to cancel). Turns out she had stage IV breast cancer. She died a few months later.

I cannot imagine the depth of pain your SIL must have been dealing with if she avoided birthday parties. Her childlessness must have been weighing on her 24-7.

Just be happy for her - genuinely happy for her - that she'll finally get to be a mother - as you have had the privilege and good fortune to be. Because that's really what separates you and her thus far - bad luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. So what if my daughter was old enough to understand these things? My other brother has a 4 year old son and SIL skipped his birthday party the last two years, and barely acknowledges him. Didn't even wish him a happy birthday.

When your DD is old enough to understand, then you can post. Regarding your other brother's son. If he's got an issue with your SIL's behavior, he's the one who should address it with her. It's really not your business. Until then, you need to learn to regulate your own emotions and learn that most people, even relatives, will not find your children as interesting, adorable and amazing as you do.

So you only wish people happy birthday if you find them interesting, adorable, and amazing? You feel no need to be basically decent and polite to your relative's children?

How I interact with my relatives is irrelevant. Your SIL's behavior with her nephew is none of your business. It is between her, the boy and his parents. Any issues you have with your SIL's behavior towards your child should be addressed with your DH (her brother). It is his relationship to manage, not yours. You should focus your efforts on learning how to curb your gossiping and creating drama in the family.

You should reconsider hosting your SIL's baby shower. Your heart isn't in the right place, your feelings are not genuine and your SIL deserves better. You are neither decent nor polite.

Well put [phone]

My mother has not attended a number of my oldest child's b'day parties/events/etc.
My mother loves that child
She is just not always available OR INTERESTED in kiddie parties
I DON'T GIVE A F***
OP - Grow up!

[Anonymous]

I have as little as possible to do with one of my nieces and nephews. I don't send cards for birthdays. BIL/SIL don't acknowledge my kids, either.