SIL mean to my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL sounds self centered. I would be hurt by her making the day your child was born all about HER. She sounds immature.

Wow.
Some of you really are heartless.

And they lack empathy, compassion--after all the world revolves them and their spawn.

Oh bullshit! The person who says she sounds immature is spot on.

Do women (and men) struggling with infertility deserve empathy and compassion? Absolutely, without a doubt, unequivocally, yes. But there are still *limits* to behavior that can be justified by suffering. If you read the thread more carefully you will note that the SIL has also ignored another older child over a period of years. This is not just about one time that she ran out the room crying when faced with a newborn (which none of us would find surprising under the circumstances). I doubt OP would have posted if it were only that. It's that she continued to behave coldly toward the baby for months after and has been cold to another child for years! Infertility and the very real grief that comes with it does not give someone the excuse to behave the way SIL has toward the children. And it doesn't matter if the baby and the 4 year old don't notice, all the other siblings and in-laws do. This woman is so selfish and immature, she thinks her suffering trumps all else and everything is all about her.

Since when is SIL obligated to dote on relatives' children? SIL wasn't mean. She just kept her distance. Who cares? Men do that all of the time. ALL OF THE TIME. No one every chides an uncle for not being enthusiastic enough about the birth of his nephew or niece. Heck, no one even really expects the uncle to hold the baby or show any interest beyond "congratulations!"

But yet we put all of this expectation and pressure on women to have to be nurturing and enthusiastic about OTHER WOMEN'S KIDS!!! She wasn't mean to any kids. She just didn't get overly involved. Who cares? Even if she didn't struggle with infertility, I'd be like, who cares? But it makes it worse that OP expected someone who was told they likely wouldn't have kid to hold her newborn???

This is BS women deal with from other women. And this is part and parcel why it's so hard for women who are told they won't have children. They can't win. I guarantee you if OP's SIL were OVERLY involved in OP's baby and was too clingy and too interest, OP would post about "psycho infertile SIL" being too needy.

People don't put this kind of expectation and pressure on men in their families when they have kids. They just don't.

You see it your way, I'll see it mine. This isn't about expectations for women. This is about one, sad, self-centered woman (SIL) who needs to find help to deal with her feelings of loss. She has no right to treat her family like shit. She doesn't. I'm sorry, infertility is not a get-out-of-jail free card. Horrible, yes, but you still have to act like a decent human being.

On your larger point, I don't think women need to have children to be real women. That is bullshit. But you are right, it is a real perception out there. It needs to stop. It affects not only those who cannot have children, but those who choose actively not to have children, and it's wrong.

[Anonymous]

^^and I should also mention that if the men in my family treated the various children in our family like SIL is, we would all call them out on it, so that argument doesn't hold for me either. Our friends are the same way; the men pay attention to the kids and are involved with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are cold-hearted. Just because it's her husband's sister and not her own sister she gets a pass and can treat the children like non-entities? You people make me thankful for my warm, wonderful family. I would never treat my SILs or their kids like this.

Never say never. Sadly, the life has some twisted and cruel ways of suprising you.

Thanks for wishing me ill. You have a nice day.

I don't wish you ill. But ill will happen. Do you really need something bad to happen to you to become a less judgemental bitch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap. Seven pages? OP get a thicker skin a ASAP.

Alas. I think I read this board to remind myself how lucky I am to have a very limited number of American relatives. You people are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are cold-hearted. Just because it's her husband's sister and not her own sister she gets a pass and can treat the children like non-entities? You people make me thankful for my warm, wonderful family. I would never treat my SILs or their kids like this.

Never say never. Sadly, the life has some twisted and cruel ways of suprising you.

Thanks for wishing me ill. You have a nice day.

I don't wish you ill. But ill will happen. Do you really need something bad to happen to you to become a less judgemental bitch?

Judgemental bitch? Look in the mirror. You are a pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are cold-hearted. Just because it's her husband's sister and not her own sister she gets a pass and can treat the children like non-entities? You people make me thankful for my warm, wonderful family. I would never treat my SILs or their kids like this.

Never say never. Sadly, the life has some twisted and cruel ways of suprising you.

Thanks for wishing me ill. You have a nice day.

I don't wish you ill. But ill will happen. Do you really need something bad to happen to you to become a less judgemental bitch?

Judgemental bitch? Look in the mirror. You are a pill.

That may be. Still, I know better than say "I never would."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap. Seven pages? OP get a thicker skin a ASAP.

Alas. I think I read this board to remind myself how lucky I am to have a very limited number of American relatives. You people are ridiculous.

If you're looking for the real America you're in the wrong place.

This is a tiny, warped corner of the world that's like no place else.

Most people I know who visit this board do so because it's like reality TV without the commercials and makes us grateful for the non-crazy people in our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap. Seven pages? OP get a thicker skin a ASAP.

Alas. I think I read this board to remind myself how lucky I am to have a very limited number of American relatives. You people are ridiculous.

If you're looking for the real America you're in the wrong place.

This is a tiny, warped corner of the world that's like no place else.

Most people I know who visit this board do so because it's like reality TV without the commercials and makes us grateful for the non-crazy people in our lives.

Point taken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are cold-hearted. Just because it's her husband's sister and not her own sister she gets a pass and can treat the children like non-entities? You people make me thankful for my warm, wonderful family. I would never treat my SILs or their kids like this.

Never say never. Sadly, the life has some twisted and cruel ways of suprising you.

Thanks for wishing me ill. You have a nice day.

I don't wish you ill. But ill will happen. Do you really need something bad to happen to you to become a less judgemental bitch?

Judgemental bitch? Look in the mirror. You are a pill.

That may be. Still, I know better than say "I never would."

yadda yadda yadda. next.

[Anonymous]