How to tell my fiancé to stop always waking me up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, regarding the milk, I don't think he was punishing me. There are times that he will bring me something (my favorite bottle of wine for ex) and he will wake me up to show me that he got it for me and that we should have it with dinner. Like I said... Misfiring

Honey, he's either an asshole or has such low IQ that I wonder what other basic grown-up concepts he has yet to master. Why do you believe that this is good enough for you?

[Anonymous]

The one time my husband woke me up to ask me a dumb question, I became a raging bitch for the rest of the day. He didn't try that anymore. But, I also don't need 2+ hour naps so there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, regarding the milk, I don't think he was punishing me. There are times that he will bring me something (my favorite bottle of wine for ex) and he will wake me up to show me that he got it for me and that we should have it with dinner. Like I said... Misfiring

Honey, he's either an asshole or has such low IQ that I wonder what other basic grown-up concepts he has yet to master. Why do you believe that this is good enough for you?

This. I wouldn't want to marry anyone so stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not that I need "so much rest". I get up at 5, get to work at 6 and work till 2. Usually after work I get home by 2:30 or 3. That's when I nap or just relax. When j am relaxing, I have no problem cuddling or just chatting with him. Like I said before, my "relaxing" time is just time that I don't have to mentally focus on anything serious. I enjoy his company in my downtime. It's not like I want him to leave me alone when I'm just chilling, in fact I want him there.

Some days are worse than others, instead of just decompressing I need a serious nap.

When he wakes me up, I answer him and go back to sleep. I will stop doing that. Sometimes I just "pretend" to still be asleep even though his calling me has woken me up.

No I don't think I would need a live in nanny necessarily. I'm always awake by 5 pm, which isn't much different from when most people are getting home from work. Then I'm up from 5 till about 11. During that time, im with him and we cook, eat together, work on chores, veg in front of the tv, have sex, etc. just depends on the day.

Everyday, make it clear what kind of day it is. On cuddle days, small talk is welcome but no big topics like mortgages, bills, or to-do lists. On sleep days, no interruptions are welcome at all.

These are very simple rules. If you lay them out clearly, and he still doesn't follow them, you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not that I need "so much rest". I get up at 5, get to work at 6 and work till 2. Usually after work I get home by 2:30 or 3. That's when I nap or just relax. When j am relaxing, I have no problem cuddling or just chatting with him. Like I said before, my "relaxing" time is just time that I don't have to mentally focus on anything serious. I enjoy his company in my downtime. It's not like I want him to leave me alone when I'm just chilling, in fact I want him there.

Some days are worse than others, instead of just decompressing I need a serious nap.

When he wakes me up, I answer him and go back to sleep. I will stop doing that. Sometimes I just "pretend" to still be asleep even though his calling me has woken me up.

No I don't think I would need a live in nanny necessarily. I'm always awake by 5 pm, which isn't much different from when most people are getting home from work. Then I'm up from 5 till about 11. During that time, im with him and we cook, eat together, work on chores, veg in front of the tv, have sex, etc. just depends on the day.

Well, that's an issue. YOU NEED TO TELL HIM TO STOP. CLEARLY. So that there is NO misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one time my husband woke me up to ask me a dumb question, I became a raging bitch for the rest of the day. He didn't try that anymore. But, I also don't need 2+ hour naps so there's that.

You probably also don't have a chronic condition so there's that.

Np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not that I need "so much rest". I get up at 5, get to work at 6 and work till 2. Usually after work I get home by 2:30 or 3. That's when I nap or just relax. When j am relaxing, I have no problem cuddling or just chatting with him. Like I said before, my "relaxing" time is just time that I don't have to mentally focus on anything serious. I enjoy his company in my downtime. It's not like I want him to leave me alone when I'm just chilling, in fact I want him there.

Some days are worse than others, instead of just decompressing I need a serious nap.

When he wakes me up, I answer him and go back to sleep. I will stop doing that. Sometimes I just "pretend" to still be asleep even though his calling me has woken me up.

No I don't think I would need a live in nanny necessarily. I'm always awake by 5 pm, which isn't much different from when most people are getting home from work. Then I'm up from 5 till about 11. During that time, im with him and we cook, eat together, work on chores, veg in front of the tv, have sex, etc. just depends on the day.

I'm one of the raging bitch PPs.

OP - you are part of the problem here. You may have asked your fiancé not to wake you up but your actions communicate a very different message. Stop it. You don't need to go full bitch mode but you need to be very clear you don't want to be woken up and when he wakes you up *call him out on that.* Take some ownership for clearly and repeatedly communicating your needs.

Also - you blame the need for sleep on your chronic condition, but you're also only getting 6 hours of sleep a night. That's too little for plenty of people. How did you get on a schedule of a nap + evening sleep vs. going to bed before 11 if you have to be up at5AM?

[Anonymous]

What is your fiance's work schedule that he's home at all hours to wake you up?

[Anonymous]

Agree with both PPs. You have bad sleep hygiene, OP, and I don't understand how your boyfriend is around to bother you all the time.

[Anonymous]

Pps, due to my condition, I will sleep for 24 hrs straight if im allowed to. Therefore I have come up with the advice of my doctor that I sleep 6-7 hrs per night with a nap in the day time. When I was first diagnosed, I was sleeping 15 hrs at a time and still feeling exhausted. Believe me, unknown my body.

He is only at home at around 4 pm and then in the mornings and weekend days this happens as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry this man. This lack of respect is indicative of larger problems.

This. He sounds impossible. Perhaps you are in love and therefore don't see the obvious. He is not sweet. You will have all kinds of unhappiness if you have kids with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Pepper spray!

[Anonymous]

OP, could he have ADHD? The lack of impulse control could be a symptom of ADHD. I have seen this in my own household with people unable to wait for me to wake up to tell me something, show me something, etc. Does he have difficulty waiting for other things as well -- ex: to open a gift? To speak after another person has spoken?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pps, due to my condition, I will sleep for 24 hrs straight if im allowed to. Therefore I have come up with the advice of my doctor that I sleep 6-7 hrs per night with a nap in the day time. When I was first diagnosed, I was sleeping 15 hrs at a time and still feeling exhausted. Believe me, unknown my body.

He is only at home at around 4 pm and then in the mornings and weekend days this happens as well.

Can k ask what your condition is? My friend for unknown reasons can sleep 24 hours straight and she is trying to figure out what could be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Lupus