How to tell my fiancé to stop always waking me up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lupus

Okay, I was mildly on your side before, but now I am 100% in your court and now I think your fiance is a real jerk. I have known several people with Lupus and it is hard and debilitating. You definitely need and deserve breaks because I've had coworkers who have been bedridden by attacks that have kept them out of work for days.

You most definitely need a much more supportive partner.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with the last PP that lupus makes the fiance's behavior egregious. But I also want to mention that he really might not "get it" that he's disturbing your sleep, if you respond to him and then go right back to sleep. I have sometimes awakened my husband from a nap for a trivial reason because it never seems to bother him and he goes right back to sleep. He never asked me to stop. So I figured he had no problem with it. This really might be a communication issue as much as anything. As others have said, you need to be VERY CLEAR that waking you is NOT OKAY and needs to stop. And if he can't respect that, then you've got a bigger problem. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I had a frank conversation with him about it. We will see how this progresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I had a frank conversation with him about it. We will see how this progresses.

Did he promise to stop waking you up?

[Anonymous]

Update.

He has stopped waking me up generally. Of course, now that he has stopped waking me up in the middle of the day, people are always cutting grass at 5 am in my neighborhood :p
But luckily I can tune that out! He has only awaken me 2x in the past few weeks. Once was by accident and the second time was when he wanted me to help him move some boxes. I legitimately got so mad that I got in my car and left the house. He hasn't done it since.

[Anonymous]

He's an ass. Don't make excuses for that. You will regret if you ever have kids with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update.

He has stopped waking me up generally. Of course, now that he has stopped waking me up in the middle of the day, people are always cutting grass at 5 am in my neighborhood :p
But luckily I can tune that out! He has only awaken me 2x in the past few weeks. Once was by accident and the second time was when he wanted me to help him move some boxes. I legitimately got so mad that I got in my car and left the house. He hasn't done it since.

Good for you! I am so glad. I posted on this thread when you first posted and was livid for you, I'm glad he is finally getting the picture!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update.

He has stopped waking me up generally. Of course, now that he has stopped waking me up in the middle of the day, people are always cutting grass at 5 am in my neighborhood :p
But luckily I can tune that out! He has only awaken me 2x in the past few weeks. Once was by accident and the second time was when he wanted me to help him move some boxes. I legitimately got so mad that I got in my car and left the house. He hasn't done it since.

Good for you! I am so glad. I posted on this thread when you first posted and was livid for you, I'm glad he is finally getting the picture!

I don't know, I would not break out the champagne just yet. He woke up his fiance, who has lupus, less than 2 weeks after she explicitly told him not to, because he wanted her to help him move boxes. That could be a textbook description of an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update.

He has stopped waking me up generally. Of course, now that he has stopped waking me up in the middle of the day, people are always cutting grass at 5 am in my neighborhood :p
But luckily I can tune that out! He has only awaken me 2x in the past few weeks. Once was by accident and the second time was when he wanted me to help him move some boxes. I legitimately got so mad that I got in my car and left the house. He hasn't done it since.

Good for you! I am so glad. I posted on this thread when you first posted and was livid for you, I'm glad he is finally getting the picture!

I don't know, I would not break out the champagne just yet. He woke up his fiance, who has lupus, less than 2 weeks after she explicitly told him not to, because he wanted her to help him move boxes. That could be a textbook description of an asshole.

+1
I'm glad he's shown some improvement OP but honestly it isn't good enough- anyone who would do what he's done is NOT someone you want as a life partner. You shouldn't have to get angry enough to leave the house before he listens to you/takes your feelings into account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update.

He has stopped waking me up generally. Of course, now that he has stopped waking me up in the middle of the day, people are always cutting grass at 5 am in my neighborhood :p
But luckily I can tune that out! He has only awaken me 2x in the past few weeks. Once was by accident and the second time was when he wanted me to help him move some boxes. I legitimately got so mad that I got in my car and left the house. He hasn't done it since.

Good for you! I am so glad. I posted on this thread when you first posted and was livid for you, I'm glad he is finally getting the picture!

I don't know, I would not break out the champagne just yet. He woke up his fiance, who has lupus, less than 2 weeks after she explicitly told him not to, because he wanted her to help him move boxes. That could be a textbook description of an asshole.

+1
I'm glad he's shown some improvement OP but honestly it isn't good enough- anyone who would do what he's done is NOT someone you want as a life partner. You shouldn't have to get angry enough to leave the house before he listens to you/takes your feelings into account.

If he wakes you again for "help" or another BS reason, take off that ring.

[Anonymous]

At a non-tense time (like not right when he's woken you up) you need to lay this out REALLY CLEARLY.

"Honey, can we talk? I need you to stop waking me up from naps. When I am asleep, my body is restoring itself and it's essential to my health. When you wake me up, you are making me sicker. Anything that isn't an emergency (fire, police, you need the ER) needs to wait until I am awake. Does this make sense? Can you do this for me? I will tell you that I'm going to take a nap (not just resting!) so you'll know I need to not be disturbed. Then DO NOT WAKE ME UP. EVER. Thank you sweetie, I love you".

Then you raise hell the first time he ignores you. This is a huge huge huge deal. Work this out before you get married.

[Anonymous]

She's already done that multiple times, 9:07. She's getting in the freaking car and driving away, by this point, she's so angry and frustrated. For whatever reason, (and none of them bode well for a relationship), he can't/won't accept and be mindful of her limitations and needs. I hope she doesn't marry him. Why even live together? Live apart and enjoy each other's company, and have your own quiet place so you can rest as you need to.