How to tell my fiancé to stop always waking me up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a lovely man and that's why we are engaged but this is the one thing that I can't stand. He cares for me, he is loving, he cleans up after himself, and he doesn't leave the seat up, but his one flaw is constantly, abruptly waking me

There are lots of lovely men out there who also would actually respect your wishes.

[Anonymous]

If you are always asleep when he is awake then you are just roommates. Relationships take effort. Effort to be considerate and efforts to be available. You should really get your own place for a while so that you can get the rest you need. After you two re-evaluate how much togetherness you really want you can then move forward on firmer ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a lovely man and that's why we are engaged but this is the one thing that I can't stand. He cares for me, he is loving, he cleans up after himself, and he doesn't leave the seat up, but his one flaw is constantly, abruptly waking me

There are lots of lovely men out there who also would actually respect your wishes.

Or even if there weren't -- imagine spending the rest of your life being constantly, abruptly woken up by somebody you have specifically told not to wake you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really... Overly sensitive?

yes. Read what she has written. She's not just complaining about being woken from an occasional nap but regularly and not just naps, she's getting annoyed that he wants her attention when she's just wanting to chill. That's straight up selfish. She sounds like a selfish drama llama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really... Overly sensitive?

yes. Read what she has written. She's not just complaining about being woken from an occasional nap but regularly and not just naps, she's getting annoyed that he wants her attention when she's just wanting to chill. That's straight up selfish. She sounds like a selfish drama llama.

Yes, how selfish for her to not give him the attention he wants, when he wants it, regardless of whatever else she might be doing.

[Anonymous]

Swami sez:

Five years from now, when you have two kids under two, you will have have an AHA moment where you will think coulda, woulda, shoulda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is the problem? He wants to let you know that he is leaving to walk the dog. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you are so unavailable to him then you should rethink getting married. Why do you take a two hour nap after work? Why don't you plow through and get a solid nights sleep and then wake up with your soon to be ex? It sounds like your chronic condition is broken sleep.

Why does he need to wake her up to tell her that? If he thinks she can't figure out that's what he's doing when she wakes up and he, the dog and the leash are gone, then he can write a note like a normal person.

OP, put a lock on the bedroom door.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

Our life is fine. I'm not "always" asleep when he is awake. And even if I was... How does that dictate the relationship. I have a chronic illness and I sleep more than him, it doesn't mean that we are just roommates. If one partner is extremely ill, does that mean that they aren't close?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really... Overly sensitive?

yes. Read what she has written. She's not just complaining about being woken from an occasional nap but regularly and not just naps, she's getting annoyed that he wants her attention when she's just wanting to chill. That's straight up selfish. She sounds like a selfish drama llama.

He's not an infant. He doesn't need instant attention.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I have heard about all sorts of weird, inconsiderate behavior in relationship in my time here on earth. But I have never heard of someone waking a partner from sleep to say simply "I'm taking the dog for a walk" (particularly after a request not to do this). Why???? Does he have some sort of anxiety issues?

[Anonymous]

I have a contrarian viewpoint. How's your sex life, OP? Does he want to engage more than you do? Women in longterm relationships often start snoozing more during times where sex might be initiated.

[Anonymous]

1. Never wake him up unless it's an emergency, like a fire or an intruder. Going to work on time and walking the dog are not emergencies. If he gets annoyed, give him a cold stare and say: "I hate it when you wake me up, so I don't do it to you."

2. Scream at him when he wakes you:
"AAAAARGH! STOP WAKING ME UP!"
Top of your lungs type stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a contrarian viewpoint. How's your sex life, OP? Does he want to engage more than you do? Women in longterm relationships often start snoozing more during times where sex might be initiated.

Our sex is great. We have sex about 4 times a week. I'm not snoozing because I want to avoid it, I'm sleeping because my body needs it.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to wake him up when you leave to walk the dog. Leave him a note with the time you are leaving. And don't wake him up for work - he's an adult and needs to be able to get to work on time all by his own big boy self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a contrarian viewpoint. How's your sex life, OP? Does he want to engage more than you do? Women in longterm relationships often start snoozing more during times where sex might be initiated.

Our sex is great. We have sex about 4 times a week. I'm not snoozing because I want to avoid it, I'm sleeping because my body needs it.

ok then i agree with you. i'm just coming from a situation where an ex-gf was a work-a-holic and I felt like we became roommates because she over-worked herself and basically slept all the time when she wasn't at work. doesn't seem applicable here.