Working Moms: Do you HAVE to or WANT to?

[Anonymous]

This is a great thread. One thing that seems to differ is whether you define having to work as making ends meet this year (in which case many people could afford to quit) versus being certain you can provide financially for yourself and your family for the future.

I could afford to stay home in the near term (want to work camp) but we wouldn't be able to pay for our kids' college or our own retirement (have to work camp). Fortunately, I also love my work.

I set up a poll about this and so far, most people say they have to work but are happy to do so: http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=ab-workingmoms&tid=137

[Anonymous]

Want to. Never wanted to be a stay-at-home parent and haven't wanted to for a single instant.

FWIW, all of the women in my social circle-- my closest and DH's closest women friends-- are in the same boat. If they really wanted to work PT or not at all, most could, but no one wanted to.

A couple even cut their maternity leave short because they were ready to get back to the adult world for 8 hours a day.

All are fulfilled parents of happy kids, but there is basically zero difference between the husbands and wives in the way that they approach work and family.

Come to think of it, my only two friends who stay home are a gay man and a lesbian whose wife is the breadwinner (hence also a working mom in that family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"
What some people HAVE to have is different from others. Some people HAVE to have financial security, especially those of us who grew up in poor and extremely insecure homes. For me, I grew up bouncing from home to home because my dad could never hold down and job and my mom for some reason would not work. We would get eviction notices at each step of the way. There were 2 meals a day served and you had to scrounge for lunch.

So for me why I feel that I have to work, someone else might not have have those insecurities. If I do not HAVE 2 years in living expenses socked away (175K in cash can comfortably sustain us for 2 years). I probably would go mental on one income.

I posted prior and definitly freely admit that I enjoy luxuries and nice vacations.

I think the idea of what one has to have in their lives is very subjective.

Right on. We weren't dirt poor growing up but it was a struggle, made even more so because my parents couldn't agree and plan for what they wanted. Dad wanted the income of my mom working to have the nice house and the American dream. My mom wanted to "be at home for the kids" but had to work. What we ended up with was my mom at jobs that she didn't really like but were close to the house and didn't pay a lot. Dad resentful because he felt the financial pressure on him and knew my mom with her educational background was in a better position to get a higher paying job than him and it got worse with the recession in the 80's. What I learned - be prepared to live off one salary but that both husband and I have to be on the same page about SAHM or Working mom and agree to the lifestyle that would entail.

So overall, I would say I am between have and want. We could not have the lifestyle we have without me working. That said, I enjoy my job enough with the work I do, the salary, the benefits etc. and was so tired out when I had to stay home on snow days etc. that the scale would tip towards working. If I liked my job less or enjoyed my time during long breaks at home more than the sacrifices to stay at home wouldn't seem like sacrifices. Lastly - the housework and division of labor is BIG. If I stayed at home I would have to cook, and clean, get up in the middle of the night with the kids every time, basically do about everything ... with little break. With both of us working my husband sees the value of equal parenting. I'll never forget on maternity break with the 1st how my husband warned if I decided to stay at home I would have to get up with the baby all the time since that was only fair since he would have to get up in the morning for work. I remind him of that when he takes a day off how since I have to go into work that morning it is only fair that he gets up with the kids and gets them ready .... nothing less than what he would expect if I stayed at home full-time ...