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Working Moms: Do you HAVE to or WANT to?
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Anonymous
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"While I can understand your reasons for working, I don't think you can say you HAVE to work. My friend who would give anything to stay home, but would be unable to pay the mortgage on her modest house HAS to work. If she could, she would sell that house and move to a 1 bedroom condo but can't because she is underwater on her mortgage. So, in my mind, she is someone who truly MUST work. "
Your friend could go on welfare and stay home with her kid. Blah, blah, blah. It's none of your focking business. Who gives a shit about what is in your petty mind? God, what a pretentious bore! |
Anonymous
I hope you don't have a job that requires much in the way of, umm, intellect b/c this post is one of the dumbest I've ever seen. You think someone forgoing expensive vacations is comparable to someone who going on welfare? Really? That makes sense to you? |
Anonymous
Sounds like someone is a bit defensive about their choice to use a nanny/daycare, no? Perhaps you are one of the people who could afford to stop working but has convinced herself that you can't. |
Anonymous
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"What strikes me about this thread, is that there are a lot of people who work not b/c they love their job, but because they love the lifestyle, luxuries, and security that it gives them. There is nothing wrong with that, but I don't think that should be confused with "having" to work. "
What some people HAVE to have is different from others. Some people HAVE to have financial security, especially those of us who grew up in poor and extremely insecure homes. For me, I grew up bouncing from home to home because my dad could never hold down and job and my mom for some reason would not work. We would get eviction notices at each step of the way. There were 2 meals a day served and you had to scrounge for lunch. So for me why I feel that I have to work, someone else might not have have those insecurities. If I do not HAVE 2 years in living expenses socked away (175K in cash can comfortably sustain us for 2 years). I probably would go mental on one income. I posted prior and definitly freely admit that I enjoy luxuries and nice vacations. I think the idea of what one has to have in their lives is very subjective. |
Anonymous
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It's not that subjective. And, once you have that 2 years socked away, do you HAVE to work?
I am also a PP, one who works part time but indicated I don't have to work. Without my income, we save for retirement and college and can afford a night out once or twice a month. I would work full time if I could not afford to save and go out. BUT, I wouldn't say I HAD to work. My perspective has also changed as I've met a number of SAHM's who sacrifice a lot to stay home (have moved, sold cars, etc.). I realized there is a definite difference between what I want and what I need. |
Anonymous
well does my husband HAVE to work? Technically no. I work PT as well, do I HAVE to work? Technically no. However, I've been accoustomed to a certain lifestyle and I enjoy nice things. I might even venture to say I HAVE (well almost) to have a internationl vacation each year. We could sell everything and live as rufugees in Darfur, but I don't want to, so DH & I will stay gainfully empolyed. I also find SAH tedious and mind numbing and I HAVE to have something else in my life. Some people don't. Also, some women HAVE to stay home or else they feel that they are ruining their children or not giving them the best opportunity in life. This is subjective as well. |
Anonymous
Really?? We're going to HAVE to disagree on this one. I think it sounds like you want to work, you think you have to. tomato, tomaaahto. To each his own and certainly not worth spending a beautiful evening debating. Have a good weekend! |
Anonymous
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OK, I agree. We need to clarify WANT vs HAVE. There is no shame in either so why cant people just admit they want to work??? Sounds like a good reason to work!
Let's DEFINE these, shall we. Here are some examples that come to mind: HAVE to work: 1) special needs kid requires a lot of medical assistance and/or tutoring 2) single mom 3) massive debt/loans 4) live in an area with terrible public school and need to go private (though this person could just move) 5) when you stayed at home you tried to kill yourself and hate being with your kids! 6) extended family live far away overseas and require costly travel 7) financially supporting a relative WANT to work: 1) working makes you feel happy and fulfilled 2) you feel like a better mom when you get away from home for some of the day 3) you crave intellectual stimulation from adults 4) you are extremely ambitious and can't quit the rat race because it is like crack to you! 5) you enjoy the money your job makes: it allows you to buy nice stuff, to travel internationally, to have a maid, to eat out a restaurants, to buy fabulous shoes, to get great highlights/haircuts etc etc etc etc |
Anonymous
| Oh, and there is also those people who , in their jobs, make a huge difference in the lives of others (shrinks, social workers, some nurses/docs) and their client roster would suffer without them. |
Anonymous
same |
Anonymous
| I have been both a SAHM and a working mom (hard core FT, regular FT and PT), and while I didn't use the details of my education as much at home, I certainly use my brain power as much. And as far as setting an example for my children, I'd like them to know that life is long, that they can experience a wide range of opportunities, that impacting a small child can be as significant as setting policy at a major international organization and that the choices are theirs. |
Anonymous
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Division of labor - both paid and unpaid is equitable in my house, too.
I don't really care about what happens on average or in other households. When we were both younger, and looking for a mate, we both wanted equity and chose to create such a life and chose the right partner. |
Anonymous
| Not working currently, but desperate for a job - I WANT to work badly..... |
Anonymous
Reasons Why I have to work: 1. massive student loans (equivalent to our mortgage). 2. I have the insurance coverage for the family and contribute heavily to our retirement/college funds. Reasons Why I Want to work: yes to numbers 1, 2, and 3. As for #5- I do like to travel and eat out. I try to buy organic and healthy food for my family. But, I clean the house/bathrooms myself, I buy my clothes and shoes at Loehman's or Marshalls, occasionally Banana (on sale) ... haircuts are every 3 months if I'm lucky ... kids are going to public school ... I do love what I do (I'm a physician) and enjoy both the personal interaction with my patients/families as well as the intellectual stimulation of my position. Do I wish i could work a little less? Of course i do. But I also see the benefits of having a job. I had a SAHM who suffered from depression and issues of her own identity. I've always felt like my mom wanted more out of her life but never had the opportunity to explore her own interests ( she had my first sib barely 22). She was unbelievably devoted to my sibs and I but too often over zealous and overbearing (think helicopter parent!). It was traumatic for her when I left for college (I'm kid #4). She now does some volunteer work and is a devoted a grandmother but I still think she craves her own niche in the world. I feel like I have the best of both worlds- an amazing family with a devoted spouse (who does most of the cooking) and a great job that I find both rewarding and stimulating. |
Anonymous
This is me too. Except I have the added challenge of being newly pregnant. |