Walked in on my MIL going through my purse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's just a snooper and is incredibly embarrassed.

As well she should be. What's your point? Let it go because she feels the appropriate consequence of her behavior? OP is owed an apology and a promise it won't happen again.

Well yes an apology would be appropriate but not likely. A promise that it won't happen again will mean nothing. She'll snoop sometime else.

But you call her out. So that she knows you aren't a doormat.

[Anonymous]

The purse snooper is most likely petty thief looking for loose change or small bills that she thinks wont be missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have said, "Are you looking for something?"

After the fact, I thought I could have asked something like this.. but because I was so shocked and unsure of what to do/say, I just quickly walked out. I know she saw me and am pretty sure she knows I caught her.. just so awkward and I am at a loss of what her purpose was.

She probably needed a mint or kleenex or chapstick or lotion. God I've done this I know I have in the past. Just needed something real bad.

This is such a weird thing to say. For some reason, it gives me chills. You are very bizarre.

You're telling me if you were with your bestie out somewhere she stepped away you sneeze you have booger face she has tissues you wouldn't grab one? Please.

Yes, possibly for a tissue, but NOT for a mint, lotion, or chapstick: it is so creepy that you mentioned those things. The "Just needed something real bad" explanation for snatching those items from someone else's purse is so, so weird and disturbing, and just a really bizarre thing to say in this context.

Yeah, especially when the owner comes in and you look startled and drop it instead of just saying that you needed a tissue. But considering that it sounds like they were at someone's home, I bet there were plenty of other tissue sources than in someone's private bag.

She was totally snooping, but I don't know what can be done about that. Even if she's not going to do it again she doesn't sound like a particularly forthright person so it makes it hard to build any real kind of connection with her.

[Anonymous]

Snooping is a sport for my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

What choices do you have? Are you going to punish your DH's mother? Seriously??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's just a snooper and is incredibly embarrassed.

As well she should be. What's your point? Let it go because she feels the appropriate consequence of her behavior? OP is owed an apology and a promise it won't happen again.

Well yes an apology would be appropriate but not likely. A promise that it won't happen again will mean nothing. She'll snoop sometime else.

But you call her out. So that she knows you aren't a doormat.

+1

This is how I would feel about my ILs snooping. They would hear about it, one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

What choices do you have? Are you going to punish your DH's mother? Seriously??

You teach people how to treat you. Act like a doormat, you will be treated like one.

It doesn't have to be dramatic:

"Kate, I don't appreciate you going into my purse. If you need something, ask. Please do not do that again."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

What choices do you have? Are you going to punish your DH's mother? Seriously??

Wait, pp you are saying we all have to take what our mils dish out? Are you crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

What choices do you have? Are you going to punish your DH's mother? Seriously??

Wait, pp you are saying we all have to take what our mils dish out? Are you crazy?

+1

Confront MIL. Don't involve DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

What choices do you have? Are you going to punish your DH's mother? Seriously??

Wait, pp you are saying we all have to take what our mils dish out? Are you crazy?

+1

Confront MIL. Don't involve DH.

I'll bet MIL will involve DH because she'll have to get back at you for reprimanding her. Your opportunity to address this was when you caught her with her hands inside your purse. I'd drop it with your MIL but mention it to DH so he has your side of the story first.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't confront her....but I would feel extremely smug the next time I see her. A few knowing glances and ensuring that she sees you remove your purse from the room she's in (or going to put it elsewhere)...

All that said, if I saw her doing it again (or something like it) I'd certainly not walk away a second time. It would be time to say something in the moment (a la "can I help you with something?")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

What choices do you have? Are you going to punish your DH's mother? Seriously??

Wait, pp you are saying we all have to take what our mils dish out? Are you crazy?

+1

Confront MIL. Don't involve DH.

Woman, are you really that stupid? You don't think MIL keep her mouth shut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say something to her, but be nice and as nonconfrontational as possible - "Hey, MIL, what were you looking for in my purse yesterday? That was sort of an awkward situation. If you need something, tell me and I'll help you get it, ok?"

I like this. Say it or email it to her. And next time hide some anal beads in there with a note "To DH, here are the beads you asked for!"

This is probably the nicest thing you can say to MIL about the incident. But if you don't want to say it to her (honestly, I don't know if I would want to, I'm rather non-confrontational that way) I'd just try to forget about the incident. Let it go; family harmony is worth it.

Family harmony is worth it ONLY if you think this was a one-time, anomalous thing, OP. Do you? Has she snooped before? If this is a pattern, you need to confront her via e-mail as suggested previously (so there is a record, yes), and if your husband doesn't like it, you say:

"It was a violation of my personal property. So I am handling this peyrsonally. Frankly, I would have asked you to help me address this issue, but you have a pattern of not backing me up or believing me when it comes to your mother, so you have lost the privledge of me consulting you before standing up for myself."

This is what you say to DH.

[Anonymous]

This is like mom walking in when teenage son is masturbating. What are you gonna say? Too funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like mom walking in when teenage son is masturbating. What are you gonna say? Too funny.

Um...no. It's not like that. At all.