Walked in on my MIL going through my purse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have said, "Are you looking for something?"

After the fact, I thought I could have asked something like this.. but because I was so shocked and unsure of what to do/say, I just quickly walked out. I know she saw me and am pretty sure she knows I caught her.. just so awkward and I am at a loss of what her purpose was.

She probably needed a mint or kleenex or chapstick or lotion. God I've done this I know I have in the past. Just needed something real bad.

You were a guest in someone's home and you went through their purse without asking to find something that wasn't an emergency? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have said, "Are you looking for something?"

After the fact, I thought I could have asked something like this.. but because I was so shocked and unsure of what to do/say, I just quickly walked out. I know she saw me and am pretty sure she knows I caught her.. just so awkward and I am at a loss of what her purpose was.

She probably needed a mint or kleenex or chapstick or lotion. God I've done this I know I have in the past. Just needed something real bad.

You were a guest in someone's home and you went through their purse without asking to find something that wasn't an emergency? Bizarre.

And someone else's Chapstick?! Nasty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, first of all, tell your husband.

The answer is that there is no good reason. She's snooping. Be wary.

I know his response - he will tell me I'm being ridiculous, she would never do that and I misjudged what I was seeing. Been down this road with other situations in the past, he'll just defend her and try to make me think I'm nuts for thinking she would do such a thing.

That's not good, OP.

Is there a way that you can say to him "Is there any reason you can think of that your mom would need to go through my purse?"

Thanks, but it will have the same exact result. He'll tell me I'm making false accusations, and that I'm ridiculous, etc etc.

That's what happened to me when I told DH that I caught SS rummaging through my purse in our bedroom upstairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have said, "Are you looking for something?"

After the fact, I thought I could have asked something like this.. but because I was so shocked and unsure of what to do/say, I just quickly walked out. I know she saw me and am pretty sure she knows I caught her.. just so awkward and I am at a loss of what her purpose was.

She probably needed a mint or kleenex or chapstick or lotion. God I've done this I know I have in the past. Just needed something real bad.

There is no such thing as a "mint emergency." If you need something, ASK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that you said nothing is OK, if it was just a one-time thing, but if you let it go now, you can't refer to it in the future if she snoops again--it will seem like you are making it up.

I would email her or text her--so that there is a record--and say, "Linda, I didn't say anything the other day, because I was caught off guard and uncomfortable. But I need you to know that I did not appreciate you going through my purse without permission--it was a violation of my privacy. Did you need something? I won't mention this to anyone else, but I would like an apology from you."

Get a record of the incident. Even if she doesn't respond, it's in your sent mail. No response would prove she did do it, because why wouldn't she dispute it if it wasn't true?

Are you planning on litigating the case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all the input. FWIW, I would not say we are "close". My husband and I have children, and ever since our first was born, it was crystal clear to me that I was perceived as her competition and (shame on her), she liked to put my husband in a spot of choosing. The list is long, but this is confirmed by other family members as well. She knows how to put a face on and be friendly and loving towards me, but she also knows exactly how to create issues for my DH and I. I think she just wants to pressure him to still choose her, its pretty weird. But this is the first time I've "caught" her snooping. Part of me wonders if she was just being nosy and wants to see what her favorite little boy's wife is up to.. I'm leaning towards staging a purse for her.. it will be fun

Does she think you are cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the fact that you said nothing is OK, if it was just a one-time thing, but if you let it go now, you can't refer to it in the future if she snoops again--it will seem like you are making it up.

I would email her or text her--so that there is a record--and say, "Linda, I didn't say anything the other day, because I was caught off guard and uncomfortable. But I need you to know that I did not appreciate you going through my purse without permission--it was a violation of my privacy. Did you need something? I won't mention this to anyone else, but I would like an apology from you."

Get a record of the incident. Even if she doesn't respond, it's in your sent mail. No response would prove she did do it, because why wouldn't she dispute it if it wasn't true?

Are you planning on litigating the case?

There has to be a record if she chooses to let it slide this time, but MIl snoops again and she wants to get husband involved.

[Anonymous]

I would put NOTHING in writing. She will use it against you. I posted earlier that I wouldn't confront. Seems pointless. I would ensure that she does not have access to my house (key, garage door code etc). I am also hopeful that in-laws do not live local. If they are local, do they arrive unannounced?? That would be a problem that I would voice.

[Anonymous]

When I was in law school (many, many happy hours - ask anyone who went to law school), there was a classmate who made it a habit of going through purses at happy hour. Top school - eccentric classmates (all backgrounds - engineers, journalists, etc.)

She justified it because she wanted to know more about people, and especially if they were on medications. Turns out, she was on psych medications herself. That tells you something.

Maybe MIL anted to feel better about herself, somehow, OP?

Not your problem. Call her on it. End any trust you had for her. Done.

[Anonymous]

Looking for pain pills, guarantee it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

[Anonymous]

I am not confrontational, and I would still call her on it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let it slide. Nothing good will come out of it.

Insane advice. What a horrible woman ops mil is.

This is what's wrong with women. You don't know when to stop! Think about OP!! Do you see a win-win situation by talking to DH/MIL or anyone??

So...write MIL a permission slip for bad behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we have big parties we put funny things and notes in our bathroom medicine cabinets for the people who snoop.

I think you should leave your MIL something in your purse next time. Use your imagination.

Haha. Big dildo.

Of a different race.

Don't bother mentioning it to your DH. Your MIL was snooping. Mentioning at the time wouldn't change anything and possibly make things worse. She's shown her true nature, so just know that probably nothing is off limits when she visits--bathroom cabinets, dresser drawers. Forewarned is forearmed.