Walked in on my MIL going through my purse

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. It is for this reason I always lock anything "personal" in our master bedroom closet. My in-laws don't know boundaries at all.

How did you react after the fact?

[Anonymous]

You could confront her, but it probably won't do any good because she will deny. Going forward, I would never trust her again. All your personal items should be in your bedroom closet or somewhere she doesn't have access to. Get a lock on your closet.

[Anonymous]

Have your purse out in an obvious spot. As soon as she walks in the room, run over to it and scoop it up giving her the stink eye.

[Anonymous]

Feign innocence. And her and DH links to purses you like. "I saw you looking in my purse...you must want to buy me a new one for my birthday!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could confront her, but it probably won't do any good because she will deny. Going forward, I would never trust her again. All your personal items should be in your bedroom closet or somewhere she doesn't have access to. Get a lock on your closet.

+1

We have had to do this of rome family member who has issues. Totally worth it.

If you must, send MIL an email and tell her you don't appreciate her going through your things, and you will not see her in the same light henceforth. Because you won't.

Leave DH out of it, if he is no help.

[Anonymous]

rome=one

[Anonymous]

How is your relationship besides this incident? If it is good, I would let go but be careful next time. If it is bad, I will use it and go to war.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the input. FWIW, I would not say we are "close". My husband and I have children, and ever since our first was born, it was crystal clear to me that I was perceived as her competition and (shame on her), she liked to put my husband in a spot of choosing. The list is long, but this is confirmed by other family members as well. She knows how to put a face on and be friendly and loving towards me, but she also knows exactly how to create issues for my DH and I. I think she just wants to pressure him to still choose her, its pretty weird. But this is the first time I've "caught" her snooping. Part of me wonders if she was just being nosy and wants to see what her favorite little boy's wife is up to.. I'm leaning towards staging a purse for her.. it will be fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all the input. FWIW, I would not say we are "close". My husband and I have children, and ever since our first was born, it was crystal clear to me that I was perceived as her competition and (shame on her), she liked to put my husband in a spot of choosing. The list is long, but this is confirmed by other family members as well. She knows how to put a face on and be friendly and loving towards me, but she also knows exactly how to create issues for my DH and I. I think she just wants to pressure him to still choose her, its pretty weird. But this is the first time I've "caught" her snooping. Part of me wonders if she was just being nosy and wants to see what her favorite little boy's wife is up to.. I'm leaning towards staging a purse for her.. it will be fun

Yes, if you have to deal with that crap sandwich, you might as well have some fun, lol.

[Anonymous]

I would not let it go. Text her, write, or call and ask why she was going through your purse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say something to her, but be nice and as nonconfrontational as possible - "Hey, MIL, what were you looking for in my purse yesterday? That was sort of an awkward situation. If you need something, tell me and I'll help you get it, ok?"

I like this. Say it or email it to her. And next time hide some anal beads in there with a note "To DH, here are the beads you asked for!"

This is probably the nicest thing you can say to MIL about the incident. But if you don't want to say it to her (honestly, I don't know if I would want to, I'm rather non-confrontational that way) I'd just try to forget about the incident. Let it go; family harmony is worth it.

Family harmony is worth it ONLY if you think this was a one-time, anomalous thing, OP. Do you? Has she snooped before? If this is a pattern, you need to confront her via e-mail as suggested previously (so there is a record, yes), and if your husband doesn't like it, you say:

"It was a violation of my personal property. So I am handling this personally. Frankly, I would have asked you to help me address this issue, but you have a pattern of not backing me up or believing me when it comes to your mother, so you have lost the privledge of me consulting you before standing up for myself."

Both of the bolted are great advice.

Get a record by emailing her first. Then, tell your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all the input. FWIW, I would not say we are "close". My husband and I have children, and ever since our first was born, it was crystal clear to me that I was perceived as her competition and (shame on her), she liked to put my husband in a spot of choosing. The list is long, but this is confirmed by other family members as well. She knows how to put a face on and be friendly and loving towards me, but she also knows exactly how to create issues for my DH and I. I think she just wants to pressure him to still choose her, its pretty weird. But this is the first time I've "caught" her snooping. Part of me wonders if she was just being nosy and wants to see what her favorite little boy's wife is up to.. I'm leaning towards staging a purse for her.. it will be fun

Yes, if you have to deal with that crap sandwich, you might as well have some fun, lol.

+1

She's asking for it at this point, no?

[Anonymous]

I'm passive Agressive. I love the suggestion of scooping up your purse and holding it close to you when she enters the room. Or pick it up and take it out with you every time to move around the house. Another idea is find a purse with zipper pull that allows you to put a little lock on it and attach it to another zipper pull or the base of the strap. She'll see it.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have said, "Are you looking for something?"

After the fact, I thought I could have asked something like this.. but because I was so shocked and unsure of what to do/say, I just quickly walked out. I know she saw me and am pretty sure she knows I caught her.. just so awkward and I am at a loss of what her purpose was.

She probably needed a mint or kleenex or chapstick or lotion. God I've done this I know I have in the past. Just needed something real bad.