Harmless, but annoying "stalking"? At what point should I take action?
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Anonymous
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Read the Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker -- tons of good advice about shutting down stalkers. DO NOT ENGAGE. Every time you engage, that's his reward for continued stalking. One of his tips is to get a new phone number but leave the old one active, so he can continue to leave messages, etc., but you don't need to know he's calling and don't need to hear his messages.
Good luck. Stay safe. |
Anonymous
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Lots of good tips here and I just want to re-emphasize - do not engage the stalker and do not give him/her any clue as to how you feel or will do next.
This all go back to the danger of social media and technology... Best way to test your vulnerability is to search yourself (online) and see how much of your info (and your children's) is out there. |
Anonymous
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Just want to comment on the factor space issue. Distance does not mean anything to this individual so when and if he does hit the trigger or switch he will drive through the night to see you. This happens I feel like once year where some nut case drives across the country to settle a beef with the federal government and they end up having numerous weapons in their vehicle. Just like these individuals this man is mentally ill.
Report Record Repeat |
Anonymous
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It's possible he has the misperception that the only reason OP stopped contacting him was because of his wife (and actually, it was true st the time, because he hadn't escalated yet).
Which I'm wondering if one final, very firm request would be okay - "Please do not contact me ever again, in any form. If you continue I will be forced to contact the authorities". Clearly he's nurturing son kind of romantic fantasy but it's no longer grounded in reality and he isn't respecting your boundaries, to Sa the least. I understand why this is a hard conversation to have with your husband. I imagine you are going to try to handle this without him. But he should be made aware. |
Anonymous
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I second the advice to tell your husband so you can control the narrative.
Something like "I met this guy at a race and we were texting emailing about race stuff at first and he got a little flirty. I know I should have shut it down immediately but I was trying to be nice and not hurt his feelings, he seemed like such a nice guy and kind of a nerdy guy. I just felt bad and know now it was completely the wrong thing to do. What has happened is...." And then tell what the stalking has escalated to. Would that work? |
Anonymous
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Pp above here, forgot to add my husband had something similar but much less creepy happen (secretary at a locTion he travelled to showed up at his hotel in a skimpy bathing suit at the spa he worked out at there) and he explained it to me like that. That he was trying to be nice, blew it off (her texts and special visits to his office with food) and that he should have firmly shut her down but he felt bad and thought it would go away.
I was able to read the (hilarious and so so weird) texts she sent him and he has to sit through a lecture about psycho husband stealers, but it was the same type of thing where he felt badly and enjoyed it a little but didn't see how crazy it could get until she was boobs deep in a downtown hot tub in a thong bikini. So your husband might be more understanding if you present him with the facts now |
Anonymous
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I agree with everyone above who has urged you to take this seriously and NOT engage in any further contact with the stalker or his wife. Also, OP, you need to contact your children's school and let them know that they may not post their names or images on the school website.
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Anonymous
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Talk to your husband. That serves several purposes:
1. Don't hide things from your spouse and create confusion/raise suspicions. 2. Your husband should not be blindsided in case this guy contact him to make some wild claims. 3. You need supports/protection from your spouse. |
Anonymous
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PP here - remember that OP never told him not to contact her ever again - she spoke to his wife and agreed to his request for no contact, and then never responded to his future attempts to communicate.
So do you think one final, explicit and clear statement to never contact her again would be okay? Or should she continue to ignore him? |
Anonymous
Meant OP agreed to his wife's request for no more contact. |
Anonymous
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Op here
Monday he texted me twice Tuesday he gave me two "cheers" on past race results on athlinks Wednesday and Thursday, nothing This morning, he sent me something from mapmyrun (didn't really look at what. I think an invitation to join a challenge or something. And just a few minutes ago, he sent me a Facebook friend request. He didn't have a Facebook account before, I think he made it just to contact me. |
Anonymous
Didn't read all the posts, but why don't you block him? Block his texts, his phone number, his email address, facebook. Why do you even look at this stuff? Block it, turn your back, walk away, end of story. He will give up. But he can see you're reading his texts, emails, etc. Don't. Block them. End of story. |
Anonymous
Op. He can see that you read his text. He can see your profile picture on FB and any pictures you didn't make private. Pictures that you may be tagged in. And that you opened the email. Why didn't you take the advice to wipe your social media presence out, block his number, contact the race websites to get yourself off there? You really need to act rather than react here |
Anonymous
| I know someone this happened to. It took several years before the stalker stopped contacting her. She at first thought he was harmless, and then she realized he was really mentally ill and abruptly, with no explanation, stopped all contact with him. He still managed to contact her even though she changed her email address, her phone number, even moved. He kept finding her. She called the police, but they couldn't do anything except record her complaint. She just stopped any and all contact with him, and finally, finally, finally, he stopped. |
Anonymous
| OP, have you told your husband yet? He is not going to go away easily. Be safe! |