Harmless, but annoying "stalking"? At what point should I take action?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear this was posted before. A year or so ago.

I had the same thought. Actually checked the date on the thread before reading because I figured someone was zombie threading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:update?

On Friday of last week he tried to communicate with me in some form (I can't remember what-and I don't want to look back for it right now) and I texted him. My text said "Please stop contacting me. It is scaring the hell out of me and I feel like I am being stalked. I do not want any contact with you."

Saturday morning I got an "invitation" from Strava (another website where you can record and compare running/biking/etc. data) on his behalf, inviting me to join.

I have heard nothing else since. I am hoping he initiated the Strava thing before I sent him that text--and that it just took Strava a while to send out, and that since my text he intends to leave me alone. I hope. I am encouraged by the fact that I have not heard anything from him since Saturday.

[Anonymous]

OP - Is he gone? Hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:update?

On Friday of last week he tried to communicate with me in some form (I can't remember what-and I don't want to look back for it right now) and I texted him. My text said "Please stop contacting me. It is scaring the hell out of me and I feel like I am being stalked. I do not want any contact with you."

Saturday morning I got an "invitation" from Strava (another website where you can record and compare running/biking/etc. data) on his behalf, inviting me to join.

I have heard nothing else since. I am hoping he initiated the Strava thing before I sent him that text--and that it just took Strava a while to send out, and that since my text he intends to leave me alone. I hope. I am encouraged by the fact that I have not heard anything from him since Saturday.

Can we ask why you went against every single piece of advice on this forum and contacted him?

[Anonymous]

+1
I reached the conclusion many pages back that OP is a ditz. She enjoys the attention, be it from what we all see as her future attacker (which she has so far still not processed as a real Iive actual threat) or from us. If she were our friend or relative, we would have to initiate the steps to protect her because sadly, she is not showing any signs of being grounded in reality. Even our concern for her kids didn't wake her up from her foggy pink haze.

OP, call the police and then listen to them.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

He has not contacted me in any form since. I have always heard that ignoring would be the best solution to get him to stop--so I was surprised (but relieved!) that my text seems to have worked.

A PP asked why I ignored all the advice to not contact him; because ignoring his repeated attempts to contact me was not working. Like I said in my OP, this has been going on since August, with the attempts to contact me becoming more and more frequent and in more forms. I figured I had nothing to lose by trying that message once--and it seems to have worked!

[Anonymous]

Okay...until it doesn't. I still don't get why you haven't gone to the police. You still should.

[Anonymous]

You should still go to the police, OP. I am hopeful that your message worked too, but it could also be a trigger for him to escalate the situation. You DO NOT want this man showing up in your town, at a race you're running, at your home...

I don't want to be pessimistic, I think there's a chance this is the end of it too, but I am just also worried that his silence means he's planning something "bigger" to catch your attention.

It sounds like you have documentation. Contact the police, and file a report, just for (my!) peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

So between this thread and the one with the woman traveling to races to screw a guy I'm getting the sense there is a lot of hooking up going on between runners who have spouses who don't run

[Anonymous]

OP, I think he did need to hear it directly from you. In his mind, his wife scared you away and was the only reason you dropped contact - you had never directly told him to leave you alone. It made sense that you needed to make it very clear where you were coming from, one time.

I'm glad it worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

He has not contacted me in any form since. I have always heard that ignoring would be the best solution to get him to stop--so I was surprised (but relieved!) that my text seems to have worked.

A PP asked why I ignored all the advice to not contact him; because ignoring his repeated attempts to contact me was not working. Like I said in my OP, this has been going on since August, with the attempts to contact me becoming more and more frequent and in more forms. I figured I had nothing to lose by trying that message once--and it seems to have worked!

And did you tell your husband? This is an awfully big secret to try to keep if you have an open and honest relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Op good job with the message. Unfortunately, many women are victims of stalking but they seem reluctant to firmly tell the stalker to leave them alone. It is ridiculous to call the police if you haven't even told the man to stop contacting you. That's the first step. Hopefully he stays away and you don't have to escalate things. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think he did need to hear it directly from you. In his mind, his wife scared you away and was the only reason you dropped contact - you had never directly told him to leave you alone. It made sense that you needed to make it very clear where you were coming from, one time.

I'm glad it worked.

This. Ladies if a man is bothering you....tell him!!!!

[Anonymous]

I would either (a) have your husband call him & his wife and demand that he cease all contact immediately or (b) have an attorney write a letter to him and his wife. With either approach, I would list all the things he's done. Perhaps seeing a long list of unreturned contacts in writing will be a wake up call for him (or at least his wife). I would let him know that the next contact = police report filed immediately. I think your contacting him to relay this information will only encourage him and send the message that if he harasses you enough, you'll eventually respond.

I also agree that you should stop any type of social media activity so he can't learn anything more about your life. I think having your computer checked is probably a good idea too.

Whatever you do, you can't continue to ignore this. He is obviously unstable and unstable people are capable of anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would either (a) have your husband call him & his wife and demand that he cease all contact immediately or (b) have an attorney write a letter to him and his wife. With either approach, I would list all the things he's done. Perhaps seeing a long list of unreturned contacts in writing will be a wake up call for him (or at least his wife). I would let him know that the next contact = police report filed immediately. I think your contacting him to relay this information will only encourage him and send the message that if he harasses you enough, you'll eventually respond.

I also agree that you should stop any type of social media activity so he can't learn anything more about your life. I think having your computer checked is probably a good idea too.

Whatever you do, you can't continue to ignore this. He is obviously unstable and unstable people are capable of anything.

What will this accomplish besides just firmly telling him to stop contacting you?? I'm sure an attorney will gladly accept your money to write a letter. So dramatic and unnecessary.