What is it like to be a family at an elite NWDC Private who can just barely afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

...you do realize that you aren't avoiding materialistic things (aka. An expensive education), you are just having someone else pay for it. FA doesn't mean it's free, it just means that people who pay full freight are paying for you.

+1. That was the reaction I had when I read this post. So this person is a lawyer and could make a better income. But she chooses to do a lower-paying job, and have others pay for her children's tuition. I might like to have a lower-paying job that was less stressful or more fun, but I figure that, if I want my kids in private school, I need to pay the tuition. I can completely understand FA for people who genuinely don't have the ability to pay the tuition because of lack of education etc. But I think it's a bit much for a lawyer to be applying for FA. (Granted, there are lots of unemployed and underemployed lawyers out there, so perhaps that profession is not the best example.)

Yes I am committed to public service and I make no apologies for it, and I certainly won't risk my children's ability to get a good education because I didn't want to slave at a private firm while a nanny raised my kids so I can afford to send them
to a private school. Somebody has to be willing to prosecute criminals...dare I children be subjected to a crappy education because of it?

I guess FA is the only way the children of privileged, well-educated parents can learn. If only this country had free education for children. Oh wait, it does! And the public schools in and around this area are consistently ranked high and sending thousands of kids to top ranking colleges every year! Next time you brag about the work you do, you should also praise the big law parents who are subsidizing your kid's education.

All I can say after reading the posts from the full freight parents is that I am glad my kids are not in school with your kids because I don't want to be associated with people as rude as you! This is what I believe many of the wealthy parents sending their kids to these Big 3 schools are thinking, but not sharing (except, obviously, on DCUM). Thanks, but we will stay at our more affordable Catholic school where people actually have hearts.

Hilarious. So I should care that those who are full pay feel some way about it? Yeah, I don't. LOL. Like I said if they don't like it they too can opt to not go to private schools.

[Anonymous]

This thread has taken a turn towards the insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were one of those families. When my kid was younger, it wasn't a big deal but as they got older and all the kids would be talking about the trips they went on, summer programs, cars etc, it did become more difficult.

Sort felt like we were on the outside of the glass always looking in.

I am sure that it can feel this way at times, and differences in economic circumstances are going to exist no matter what sphere your children eventually enter. We are a fairly wealthy family at one of the Northwest privates, which our kids have attended since K. Now that they are in high school - one has graduated - their mix of friends is almost equal parts very well-off, dual-income upper middle class, and highly motivated deep financial aid kids. This mix of friends may not be typical, I admit, due to the extracurricular activities chosen by my children (basketball, music, robotics, student government). My youngest is the "ring leader" for her group of friends and we often host dinners, ping pong parties, and movie nights for her troupe. Here is what they talk about: Justin Bieber, the crushing work load of AP American History, the latest relationship gossip, and why the girls basketball team is better than last year. Very little discussion of ski vacations in St Moritz or any other cliché conversation of the super rich (and there are a few kids in the group who actually go there). The mix of kids is refreshing and they often share their common and uncommon experiences, which I believe is healthy. I expect that the mix will in many ways reflect the demographic makeup of the colleges attended by most of the kids, and perhaps it is better to get this type of exposure at 12 or 15 rather than at 18/19, when it can be more challenging to try to fit in.

The issues of the parents, I can not speak to, although the school makes quite an effort to be inclusive with this group as well.

PP I am going to use you as an example because you sound exactly like a private school parent.(And you sound like a nice person, but) I know many a mom who says this about her DD. From the FA aid kids point of view, your "ringleader" might not be so wonderful. I thanked a mom for something she did for my DD.
"Just the kindest, nicest, most inclusive DD I have! " gushed the mom. This girl was the biggest snob you could ever hope to meet and not at all kind. She had good superficial manners, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow...I can't believe the less demanding work week justification for taking a handout. Neither my spouse or I earn what a public prosecutor does and somehow we come up with the full freight for tuition.
So you think that it's perfectly okay for other people to work long hours to pay for people who chose not to work long hours. And although you are a public servant you would rather not have other public servants teach your kids.To me you don't make a convincing argument for FA. I hope admissions people agree. FA should be for families doing everything they personally can do to help their children.

Listen, regardless of education level, not everyone can land a job that provides a household income sufficient to fund private school. The schools, thankfully, believe it serves them well to have a diverse student body. Maybe you should read up on the benefits?

I'm well aware of the benefits and have no issue with FA for parents who are doing all they can and truly bring diversity to the community. That's not what we are talking about here. This is someone who has deliberately chosen not to even try and is proud of it. There is no diversity in another lawyer. I just don't understand the mind set. I grew up in a world where you paid your way and you only did what you could afford. We pay for private at great personal sacrifice. It seems there's a contingent of folks who think that all the FA is coming from the 1% at the big 3. That's so not true. Where did the idea come from that private school education is deserved by anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

...you do realize that you aren't avoiding materialistic things (aka. An expensive education), you are just having someone else pay for it. FA doesn't mean it's free, it just means that people who pay full freight are paying for you.

Full pay here. We don't feel like subsidizing you. Our school would not either. You want to g there -- make more money. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the post interesting and puzzling all at the same time. I don't have a child in one of these schools yet, but we are applying. We will need substantial FA to send your DC to whichever school we are lucky to get into. This fact has not discouraged me from applying for a few reasons. One, we require FA simply because of the careers we have chosen to pursue. Both my husband and I graduated from a top 25 college and have advanced degrees. Nonetheless, we are both lifetime public servants by choice. Despite our annual income we have a deep commitment to making sure our children get the absolute best education possible. Part of that education is teaching them that life is about the choices you make including your income. Given my profession I certainly could be making 10 times more than I do had I chosen to not work in the public sector. I'm a lawyer, but a long time government lawyer by choice. I valued a commitment to public service and the flexibility of a less demanding work week so that I could be a present mother over earning a high salary. With that choice came certain consequences. We wont be buying a new car every year, we wont be taking lavish vacations every year, and they wont be wearing shoes and clothes that cost $500. However, we plan on working hard to instill in them IF they want those material things they are being provided an excellent education so that they can pursue whatever career choice they want and earn however much they want to provide those things FOR THEMSELVES! Does that mean they may not feel slighted as they grow and see other kids with all of the material things? No, it doesn't and of course they will. However, adversity builds character. Period. It isn't my job to protect them from all of the ills of the world, its to instill in them skills to handle any obstacle they face.

Heck I was on FA in college and never took a lavish Spring Break vacation and had to hear all about my roommates and dorm mates fancy vacations. Guess what? That's life. Unless you are in the 1% there will always be someone who can afford more than you. More importantly, while money can certainly make you more comfortable it doesn't define happiness. I don't want to suggest the OP concerns are valid, but I think the response should be -- yeah there may be challenges, but you have to decide why you want this education for your child...and THAT has to be your focus.

...you do realize that you aren't avoiding materialistic things (aka. An expensive education), you are just having someone else pay for it. FA doesn't mean it's free, it just means that people who pay full freight are paying for you.

Full pay here. We don't feel like subsidizing you. Our school would not either. You want to g there -- make more money. Simple.

At our private, we contribute to a fund for financial aid. The other full freight parents I know also gladly do this. Like I said earlier, glad I am at our less expensive Catholic HS and not at a school surrounded by awful parents like you. BTW, we could easily afford to go to one of the big 3, but they don't provide a Catholic education.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's not worth the stress. It will ruin u financially and u quality of life would suffer. ROI is not all that, but u do get the bumper sticker.? Did it for one kid, but will not be doing it for the other.

This depends on what you value. If you value your child receiving a certain type of education then maybe it is worth it. If you value having the latest car and eating out every not then maybe not.

Private is overrated, especially in this economy.? Look at recent job placements?

Disagree with this point of view. Economy is changing rapidly and the job market will not even be recognizable to us when those in lower grades enter college. They may not even need to go to college, which makes early education that must more critical. If you measure sucess by the child going to HYP, then not a good ROI for you. Many of us want our kid to be articulate, well mannered, cultured, and enjoy learning. If you can manage private without lavish vacations each year, then I would recommend it. Public as currently structured will not meet the needs of future generations unless parents substantially invest in after school enrichment activities, which also cost money.

I have kids in both public and private and I couldn't disagree with you more. Many of the public schools around here (including the ones my kids attend(ed) in elementary are fantastic.
Your are CLEARLY trying very hard to justify your private school investment.

When you say "around here" you fail to recognize that most of the public schools around here are NOT good or competitive. Everyone doesn't live in upper NW, Chevy Chase/Bethesda, NoVA or are zoned for Wilson. Many in the DMV don't have decent public choices, so I don't think the poster is trying to justify anything but speaking his/her experience.

True. But at most of the elite schools, the families ARE from Bethesda/CC/NW.

[Anonymous]

I am perfectly happy to "subsidize" parents who are working for the federal government, for not-for-profits, etc. A lot of these jobs are very important and need to be filled by well-educated, highly qualified people. They are gainfully, and respectfully employed, IMHO. Think of people like scientists who work for NIH, for example, helping to cure disease but who are paid far less than those who go into the private sector.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private school in the late 90s with a lot of wealth, though none of it particularly ostentatious, and I was certainly on the lowest end of the full pay students. My parents had good professional jobs - not doctors or lawyers, but they made good salaries. We definitely lived in a lesser house than we could have because of private school, and what some PPs are saying about resenting their parents for having little choice in the school choice matter resonates with me.

I had friends and did fine by myself socially, but I never really bought into the community and unlike many students, I wanted off campus as soon as the day was over. I am not sure if this is because I am more introverted and preferred relationships with my smaller circle of friends -- some of whom were very very rich and others who were on FA -- or because I didn't like the "scene." As an adult, I now know both of these things are true of me.

You will be keenly aware that others have much more and do much more. I saw this affect some friends not at all, and others a great deal (resulting in huge complexes and lifelong mistakes as a result of feeling less than). The thing is, you don't know how it'll affect a kid, and you don't know who their friends will be.

Yes, there were drugs. Some of my more social climbing friends tried them all. I never did.

As an adult, I admit to being jealous of my peers who have had homes bought for them, take their kids to Europe, and have very impressive pedigrees. Anyone who isn't a little jealous is lying. I also am aware and appreciate that a lot of my life experiences that are on the more fancy side are a direct results of where I went to private school, and that's neat I guess.

I wouldn't send my kid to a fancy private school, and I would perhaps consider private high school if the place we live at the time necessitates that option.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on what particular cohort comprises your kid's grade/class/friend group.
There are classes filled with down-to-earth parents and those comprised mostly of cliques.
There are extremely wealthy people who are incredibly kind and approachable and those who will look through you as if you don't even exist (despite being introduced to you many, many times).
We saw this at our wealthy DC preschool (we then moved out of area for a job change).
It's really the luck of the draw what experience you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am perfectly happy to "subsidize" parents who are working for the federal government, for not-for-profits, etc. A lot of these jobs are very important and need to be filled by well-educated, highly qualified people. They are gainfully, and respectfully employed, IMHO. Think of people like scientists who work for NIH, for example, helping to cure disease but who are paid far less than those who go into the private sector.

You're not getting the point. Those jobs are very important and those same people are the ones that PP has no clue would be subsidizing her lifestyle.
I doubt these scientists, non-profit,federal workers qualify for aid. PP probably won't qualify either so it is all moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you go for a school where there is a very strong match in values, this will be less of an issue. We are in the same boat, and we sought out an understated elite for that very reason. it has been warm and welcoming. 99% of the events, there is no flash. one time a year when some of the more scenster moms show up, you see the designer goods and jewelry, but for those families, the nanny typically does most of it, so there are not really part of the school.

This is true at our school -- wonder if it is the same school in NWDC? The one, maybe two dates a year that truly cannot be delegated to the nanny (teacher conferences, possibly back to school night) is the only time I see Chanel bags on school property.

You first!!!

[Anonymous]

Dear OP- There are many families in your boat. We should have waited until 4th grade to apply to private, but loved our K-3rd school so made it work. (Still - should have more fiscally responsible and waited to apply at 4th grade.)

[Anonymous]

We just started at one of the Big 3 for 4th grade. I was afraid that we would be behind academically but that has not been the case at all. If anything I'm glad we didn't have to pay tuition from preK-3rd.. Saved $150k right there! That said I am also very happy with the school and glad we started before MS when the academics ramp up. The parents and the school have been very welcoming. I can't tell who is rich and who is on FA. We didn't go anywhere for the holidays and the kids didn't care, at least not at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am perfectly happy to "subsidize" parents who are working for the federal government, for not-for-profits, etc. A lot of these jobs are very important and need to be filled by well-educated, highly qualified people. They are gainfully, and respectfully employed, IMHO. Think of people like scientists who work for NIH, for example, helping to cure disease but who are paid far less than those who go into the private sector.

Glad someone gets it. They idea that working for the government is perceived as not being willing to work hard to provide for my children is PATHETIC! I also said I work better hours, but I certainly work a hell of a lot more than 40
Hours a week, and the stress level of my job for the pay is a HUGE SACRIFICE! At the end of the day, I don't really care what others think about me needing FA to provide my children a good education. Despite being the parent who works and raises my kid, I will also be the parent who is active, volunteers time in the evenings and weekends, etc. I know the value my family will add to any IS, as well as the value of my child being a part of that school and that's really all that matters. All these uptight selfish people can be pissed all they want.