Why do some parents choose not to do homework with their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher. My kids did not/do not do homework in K-2. That's changed some because my oldest is in a HGC and homework is necessary (and she enjoys it and gets something out of it). But for the younger two, it depends on the assignments, and usually it is not done. Math packets for 1st graders? No. Reading every night at every grade level? Yes.

I'm required to give homework to my students, but in my interactions with parents, I do my best to make sure they understand what kind of "homework" is valuable and what isn't. If homework time is a positive interaction between parent and child, then of course, it is valuable. Parents can reinforce the message that the child's success is important to everybody and that they, the parents, are interested in knowing about and seeing for themselves what the child is learning to do. But it has very little, if anything, to do with the actual work that's being done. In my opinion, based on my experience and plenty of research, having your children do a worksheet by themselves after school or worse, nagging or arguing with a young child to finish a worksheet, has no value in the child's education or well-being.

That's so nice to hear! My child reads about 4 hours every day after school, but refuses to do the worksheets that are also sent home as homework. I've tried bribing by offering either "allowance" or video-game time for doing the worksheets -- sometimes he'll take that offer, but he usually just shrugs and goes back to the book. I'm not really inclined to get into some big power play about the worksheet. So he does it about a third of the time, and I rarely bother to send in the sheet where I initial that he did it. It seems to me like the homework doesn't get to be anything substantive or interesting until about 4th grade (except for the occasional diorama type project before then).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

OP here. My kids play plenty. We still manage to spend 15 minutes to do the homework. We go to the library, read books, go hiking, fishing, travel, visit museums, zoos, parks, Disney, etc. There is so much time. Really not difficult to do the 15 minutes of homework. Kids still manage to build pillow forts, pretend play with swords, do arts and crafts, play sports, etc. We have enough time for everything.

Not the PP, but I think PP was saying it was not a priority, not that she didn't have time. Play was the priority, and homework did not matter. As for me, I thought the homework was fine until is just started snowballing in second grade into extensive reading and math logs, homework worksheets, and requests to time my child doing things. Then I decided that public school was useless and a bunch of form over substance, so I am applying to a couple of private schools and getting away from all that noise.

OP here. I actually think the teacher doesn't give enough homework so we enrich. I try to make it fun though. My kids love math and science and they beg me to do science experiments. They love nature so I put extra effort into teaching them about plants and animals. I also love to travel so we learn on vacation. I spend most of my time thinking about how to enrich my children.

The remaining time I volunteer to help impoverished children and elderly.

This is your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

Oh, my poor dear OP, you sound so shallow. Are you actually equating education with money? I also prioritize education, but not for money - for love of learning, to develop critical thinking, for culture and the ability to choose one's line of work, such as cancer research (which we do), and it really doesn't pay much.

If your parenting styles are to dissimilar, the friendship will likely not survive. Find other friends with similar values, and you will be much happier!

You have much to learn.

Yes, we have very different parenting styles. The mom allows her child to watch tv and play as much video games as he wants. Does the same for older sibling. That would be unacceptable in our house. [b]I don't think I can associate with a parent who lets children do that while not doing homework with them. [/b]Mom also watches a lot of tv.

While we have nice things, material items are low priority for us.

Why are you buying nice things if they are a low priority. So wasteful. Perhaps you should give the to people who are really in need.

That's a good point. We have money, but do not have nice things because they are not a priority for us. I'm not going to spend hundreds (thousands?) of dollars on a purse when I can get one that is just fine by me for $40 and give the rest to charity. Of course, I do spend our money on things that are a priority (like family and travel).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

Hon, I never once did homework with my now high school aged daughter. I saw once that it would be a power struggle and that was the last time I interfered.
It's HER homework and HER school life. None of it is my life or my homework
You have to let your kids have their own life - school is their life. Your life is whatever it is you do and did
I see so many parents doing their kids' homework and going over take home tests with them - you have to let the kids make their own mistakes.
You already had your opportunity let them have theirs.
Spouse and I both have advanced degrees
Daughter is now a top student. Does her work fine and it's all her - nothing is because of mommy and daddy and that's very empowering to her
Leave the other mom alone with your catty irritating comments - you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about

Finally a mother that makes sense. I did this with my son, now a junior in high school. As my DH and I (both have advanced degrees) have been telling him all of his school years...we already have degrees and an education. This is your time to get yours. We help when asked, stay out of it when it's not required. So far, so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, brace yourself because I'm about to yell at you:

EARLY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL HOMEWORK HAS NO PEDAGOGICAL VALUE!!!

...which might make you rethink your moronic judgment if you weren't so obviously a troll.

Signed,

A SHAM whose kids do their own homework.

Finally, someone who admits it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

Oh, my poor dear OP, you sound so shallow. Are you actually equating education with money? I also prioritize education, but not for money - for love of learning, to develop critical thinking, for culture and the ability to choose one's line of work, such as cancer research (which we do), and it really doesn't pay much.

If your parenting styles are to dissimilar, the friendship will likely not survive. Find other friends with similar values, and you will be much happier!

You have much to learn.

Yes, we have very different parenting styles. The mom allows her child to watch tv and play as much video games as he wants. Does the same for older sibling. That would be unacceptable in our house. [b]I don't think I can associate with a parent who lets children do that while not doing homework with them. [/b]Mom also watches a lot of tv.

While we have nice things, material items are low priority for us.

Why are you buying nice things if they are a low priority. So wasteful. Perhaps you should give the to people who are really in need.

That's a good point. We have money, but do not have nice things because they are not a priority for us. I'm not going to spend hundreds (thousands?) of dollars on a purse when I can get one that is just fine by me for $40 and give the rest to charity. Of course, I do spend our money on things that are a priority (like family and travel).

Well, except those sports cars and your "beautiful" home, right?

[Anonymous]

This thread has gone off the rails a bit, but all parents may be well served to check out this book (I am mid-way and have taken a full step back from homework, and the guilt of not forcing homework in our house):

The Homework Myth: Why Our Kids Get Too Much of a Bad Thing
by Alfie Kohn


http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Myth-Kids-Much-Thing/dp/0738211117/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452274393&sr=8-1&keywords=the+homework+myth

Summary from Amazon: Kohn’s incisive analysis reveals how a set of misconceptions about learning and a misguided focus on competitiveness has left our kids with less free time, and our families with more conflict. Pointing to stories of parents who have fought back-and schools that have proved educational excellence is possible without homework-Kohn demonstrates how we can rethink what happens during and after school in order to rescue our families and our children’s love of learning.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could not care less if parents are invested in their kids education or not in EXACTLY the same way that I am.

Who knows how they are interacting or enriching their kids? Maybe they are taking them to the museums? Maybe they are cooking together? Each of these could be considered enriching and valuable in their own way.

You do you.

[Anonymous]

What makes Alfie Kohn an expert on the topic?

[Anonymous]

Do some research, 12:42. I'm sure he's more qualified on the topic than you are.

I'll get you started: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfie_Kohn

[Anonymous]

To me, the point of HW is not necessarily just academic, but to enforce good study/work habits and that school is important. My DCs do HW when they get home, first thing after snacks. I don't help them unless they ask. Also, some ES kids have less free time not because of HW, but because their parents over schedule them. HW should only take 10 to 20min at most (in early ES). What do the kids do with the rest of their time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do some research, 12:42. I'm sure he's more qualified on the topic than you are.

I'll get you started: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfie_Kohn

I'm sure that he is more qualified than I am, but then nobody is taking my advice on the philosophy of homework. The question is, what makes him such an expert?

From Wikipedia: He earned a B.A. from Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island in 1979,[4] having created his own interdisciplinary course of study,[citation needed] and an M.A. in the social sciences from the University of Chicago in Illinois in 1980.[5] He lives in the Boston area and works as an independent scholar,[6][7][8][9] writing books about research in the areas of education, parenting, and human behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, the point of HW is not necessarily just academic, but to enforce good study/work habits and that school is important. My DCs do HW when they get home, first thing after snacks. I don't help them unless they ask. Also, some ES kids have less free time not because of HW, but because their parents over schedule them. HW should only take 10 to 20min at most (in early ES). What do the kids do with the rest of their time?

But it's pretty clear that homework in elementary school is not necessary for this -- starting with all of the kids who were in elementary school in the 1970s and 1980s who had no homework.

[Anonymous]

Because we aren't the amazing parent that you are. (That's the answer you wanted, right?)

[Anonymous]

Because it's a waste of our precious family time together in the evenings. We read for at least 20 minutes before bed and actually interact with one another, talk about the day, eat dinner as a family, and exercise together. All of those things are actually a valuable use of my child's time.

Signed,
Mom of a 6 year old and elementary school administrator