Why do some parents choose not to do homework with their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

Or, in my case, it was excellent parenting, because my kid was simply not developmentally ready for homework at that age, was exhausted by the time he came home from school and aftercare, and instead of letting it become a battle, I let him deal with the natural consequences of not doing his homework. It was more important to me that he like school at age six than it was that he cut little strips of paper or color a notebook cover or whatever. Kid matured, is now a straight A student in high school, very self motivated, takes demanding courses, and I haven't had to tell him to do his homework in years. He is an intellectually curious kid, reads like a fiend, and has great grit and work ethic.

Feeling like an awesome parent for not crushing my kids natural love of learning when I see how great he turned out just by giving him a little time to grow into himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

Oh, my poor dear OP, you sound so shallow. Are you actually equating education with money? I also prioritize education, but not for money - for love of learning, to develop critical thinking, for culture and the ability to choose one's line of work, such as cancer research (which we do), and it really doesn't pay much.

If your parenting styles are to dissimilar, the friendship will likely not survive. Find other friends with similar values, and you will be much happier!

You have much to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

This is how we roll in our house.

I am not getting graded. Nor do I need to show the fourth grade teacher that mommy mastered fractions and division.

It builds independence to let kids be responsible for their own homework with very minimal parent involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

That's nice. In our house, LEARNING is a priority, but we don't believe the only or best way people learn is through school. Oh, and btw, I was a model for a long time. Super well off. No college. No regrats. (j/k)

In my house, supporting yourself and being a good role model to your children by having a paid job or otherwise contributing to society is our priority. It really bothers me that you are lazing around and pretending to contribute to society by "volunteering" at the school so you can spy on other kids and pass judgment on their parents. Seriously get a life, and please be sure to tell this other mom how you feel so she doesn't waste her time with you any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

When it matters and they don't do it, they will suffer the consequences. Better to learn to do it on their own in elementary or middle school rather than in college.

Are supervising a first grader doing homework and getting your fifth grader to do homework independently mutually exclusive? That's news to me.

Responding to your implication that not being forced to do 1st grade homework will somehow affect college admissions, job prospects, etc. it won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

Oh, my poor dear OP, you sound so shallow. Are you actually equating education with money? I also prioritize education, but not for money - for love of learning, to develop critical thinking, for culture and the ability to choose one's line of work, such as cancer research (which we do), and it really doesn't pay much.

If your parenting styles are to dissimilar, the friendship will likely not survive. Find other friends with similar values, and you will be much happier!

You have much to learn.

Yes, we have very different parenting styles. The mom allows her child to watch tv and play as much video games as he wants. Does the same for older sibling. That would be unacceptable in our house. I don't think I can associate with a parent who lets children do that while not doing homework with them. Mom also watches a lot of tv.

While we have nice things, material items are low priority for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

This is how we roll in our house.

I am not getting graded. Nor do I need to show the fourth grade teacher that mommy mastered fractions and division.

It builds independence to let kids be responsible for their own homework with very minimal parent involvement.

This. Unless the kid needs help, why on earth would a parent be doing homework with a kid? As a former teacher, this is the kind of stuff that drove me batty. Homework is about your kid practicing what they learned in school. Not what Mommy learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

That's nice. In our house, LEARNING is a priority, but we don't believe the only or best way people learn is through school. Oh, and btw, I was a model for a long time. Super well off. No college. No regrats. (j/k)

In my house, supporting yourself and being a good role model to your children by having a paid job or otherwise contributing to society is our priority. It really bothers me that you are lazing around and pretending to contribute to society by "volunteering" at the school so you can spy on other kids and pass judgment on their parents. Seriously get a life, and please be sure to tell this other mom how you feel so she doesn't waste her time with you any more.

I had a lucrative career before staying home. I have 2 boys. While talking to one of my gfs, I told her that I hoped that one day my sons marry girls who would stay home and take care of my grandchildren. I would be thrilled if my son married a cute girl from HYP who would raise smart grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

I actually am a HYP grad who is currently a SAH mom for my kids (for now). In lots of ways, I have done a terrible job. Book smarts does not translate one-to-one with being a natural, intuitive mom.

You sound really rigid and judgmental and self-righteous. Be careful about the values that you are teaching your kid, because in the end you may find that you were wrong about some things you were really positive you were right about. I'd advise you to try to adjust your thinking now to allow for that possibility, before you're too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

OP here. My kids play plenty. We still manage to spend 15 minutes to do the homework. We go to the library, read books, go hiking, fishing, travel, visit museums, zoos, parks, Disney, etc. There is so much time. Really not difficult to do the 15 minutes of homework. Kids still manage to build pillow forts, pretend play with swords, do arts and crafts, play sports, etc. We have enough time for everything.

[Anonymous]

You know OP, when I was in K or 1st grade, kids didn't *have* homework. When I got older and started having homework, I don't ever remember my parents helping me with it. It was my responsibility and when I didn't do it, I was the one who got a detention for it.

Somehow I grew up to be a responsible person with an adequate enough education to hold down a good job.

Frankly I think it's a shame and a waste of time that my 2nd grader is spending our evenings doing addition so she can color in a puzzle of a bird. She is fine at math and doesn't need to be spending our time together doing math bird puzzles. She's a perfectly strong student and promises to do just fine in school, like her older sibling, even if I don't fill out a piece of paper for school confirming for them that we read for at least 20 minutes every night. Which we do. We are almost done with reading Harry Potter book 5 together.

Frankly I see homework for these young kids as assignments for the mother, not the kids. And we moms already have enough to do.

Maybe there are kids in the class that need he extra homework practice but really, I know mine is not one of them.

Now, we *do* do homework most of the weeks. But I can see how some parents might opt not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

OP here. My kids play plenty. We still manage to spend 15 minutes to do the homework. We go to the library, read books, go hiking, fishing, travel, visit museums, zoos, parks, Disney, etc. There is so much time. Really not difficult to do the 15 minutes of homework. Kids still manage to build pillow forts, pretend play with swords, do arts and crafts, play sports, etc. We have enough time for everything.

Not the PP, but I think PP was saying it was not a priority, not that she didn't have time. Play was the priority, and homework did not matter. As for me, I thought the homework was fine until is just started snowballing in second grade into extensive reading and math logs, homework worksheets, and requests to time my child doing things. Then I decided that public school was useless and a bunch of form over substance, so I am applying to a couple of private schools and getting away from all that noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually am a HYP grad who is currently a SAH mom for my kids (for now). In lots of ways, I have done a terrible job. Book smarts does not translate one-to-one with being a natural, intuitive mom.

You sound really rigid and judgmental and self-righteous. Be careful about the values that you are teaching your kid, because in the end you may find that you were wrong about some things you were really positive you were right about. I'd advise you to try to adjust your thinking now to allow for that possibility, before you're too late.

I'm sorry that you are not a natural, intuitive mom. Of all my accomplishments, I am most proud of my children. They are awesome kids. I felt great guilt when I was working even though we had the best nanny and preschool. I sacrificed my career and put my all into my children. They are not necessarily the smartest or the best at soccer or tennis but I love them to pieces. I am so proud and happy to be their mom. We purposely live in a diverse neighborhood. I guess I will have to accept that some parents are ok with letting their kids watch tv and play video games all day. I just feel there are so many better ways to spend your time like doing your homework!

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher. My kids did not/do not do homework in K-2. That's changed some because my oldest is in a HGC and homework is necessary (and she enjoys it and gets something out of it). But for the younger two, it depends on the assignments, and usually it is not done. Math packets for 1st graders? No. Reading every night at every grade level? Yes.

I'm required to give homework to my students, but in my interactions with parents, I do my best to make sure they understand what kind of "homework" is valuable and what isn't. If homework time is a positive interaction between parent and child, then of course, it is valuable. Parents can reinforce the message that the child's success is important to everybody and that they, the parents, are interested in knowing about and seeing for themselves what the child is learning to do. But it has very little, if anything, to do with the actual work that's being done. In my opinion, based on my experience and plenty of research, having your children do a worksheet by themselves after school or worse, nagging or arguing with a young child to finish a worksheet, has no value in the child's education or well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

OP here. My kids play plenty. We still manage to spend 15 minutes to do the homework. We go to the library, read books, go hiking, fishing, travel, visit museums, zoos, parks, Disney, etc. There is so much time. Really not difficult to do the 15 minutes of homework. Kids still manage to build pillow forts, pretend play with swords, do arts and crafts, play sports, etc. We have enough time for everything.

Not the PP, but I think PP was saying it was not a priority, not that she didn't have time. Play was the priority, and homework did not matter. As for me, I thought the homework was fine until is just started snowballing in second grade into extensive reading and math logs, homework worksheets, and requests to time my child doing things. Then I decided that public school was useless and a bunch of form over substance, so I am applying to a couple of private schools and getting away from all that noise.

OP here. I actually think the teacher doesn't give enough homework so we enrich. I try to make it fun though. My kids love math and science and they beg me to do science experiments. They love nature so I put extra effort into teaching them about plants and animals. I also love to travel so we learn on vacation. I spend most of my time thinking about how to enrich my children.

The remaining time I volunteer to help impoverished children and elderly.