Why do some parents choose not to do homework with their children?

[Anonymous]

My child just started elementary school and I volunteered to assist with homework. The same handful of kids never do their homework. One of the kids is friends with my child. Mom seems to like me. We've had a few play dates. I can't help but be bothered that this mom does not ever send in her child's homework.

[Anonymous]

Homework is stupid. Who cares.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher. Homework is rarely helpful. Aside from reading at home, most of it makes no difference whatsoever. What is assigned should be done independently by the child, though. mYOB.

[Anonymous]

Kids are supposed to do their own homework, not the parents. I can see parents' supervising its getting done, but that's it. And if a child doesn't do it, IMO, it should be returned to the teacher undone, so that the teacher knows the child isn't or can't do it.

There are, however, a lot of households where parents "can't" help and can't supervise at all. Working two jobs, several children, sadly drug/alcohol problems, learning disabilities of their own, etc. I'd just focus on monitoring the kid at hand, and letting the teacher know if a particular child has trouble with something.

[Anonymous]

i want my child to be responsible for doing it, and for the teacher to know what she is having problems with.

[Anonymous]

And THIS ladies and gentlemen, is why parents should not be volunteering in the classroom. Get a job lady, because clearly you have too much time on your hands since you are all up in other folks business.

[Anonymous]

Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were young (kinder, 1st, 2nd) I just wanted them to play their little hearts out. Unless they were behind in what they were being taught in school I saw zero point in doing homework.

As for upper elementary grades and beyond, they do it on their own. I only help if I'm asked.

[Anonymous]

So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

When it matters and they don't do it, they will suffer the consequences. Better to learn to do it on their own in elementary or middle school rather than in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

When it matters and they don't do it, they will suffer the consequences. Better to learn to do it on their own in elementary or middle school rather than in college.

Are supervising a first grader doing homework and getting your fifth grader to do homework independently mutually exclusive? That's news to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher. Homework is rarely helpful. Aside from reading at home, most of it makes no difference whatsoever. What is assigned should be done independently by the child, though. mYOB.

Our teacher actually does care that homework is not being done. She reaches out to all the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

[Anonymous]

The research on homework is not at all mixed re K-2nd grade. There is absolutely NO STUDIES that show that homework in K-2 -- EXCEPT FOR DAILY READING/BEING READ TO -- has any beneficial effect on kids that young. Reading, okay, but worksheets? Nope for K-2.

Once the kids get older the research is a bit more mixed, and I can believe that there may even be some value in building good homework habits for later.

It could be that the parents to your kid's friend are well informed and choose not to have their kids spend valuable time on work that no one can show is actually useful.

It could also be that the parents have worked out a special arrangement with the teacher. My kid's friend had a great deal of anxiety about his worksheets in Kindergarten (he had some learning delays I think) and his mom told me they ultimately agreed with the teacher to just stop getting any homework for him to do after November. They just stopped it on mutual agreement to try to help reduce the anxiety and help the kid like school more. Kindergarten and homework shouldn't be a war or an unfriendly experience for your kid, so I think that decision was a great one.

In short: don't judge, because you may not know the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

That's nice. In our house, LEARNING is a priority, but we don't believe the only or best way people learn is through school. Oh, and btw, I was a model for a long time. Super well off. No college. No regrats. (j/k)