Why do some parents choose not to do homework with their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

When it matters and they don't do it, they will suffer the consequences. Better to learn to do it on their own in elementary or middle school rather than in college.

Are supervising a first grader doing homework and getting your fifth grader to do homework independently mutually exclusive? That's news to me.

In my mind - kind of. In 1st grade, point of homework (if there is a point) is to teach kids responsibility for doing homework. So by 5th grade, DC will hopefully have learned that lesson. Sit with the kid and force it in 1st grade, and you will be doing the same in 5th grade. At least that's what it seems to me from watching my DC's friends

[Anonymous]

School counselor here. Please, don't do your kids' homework with them each night. Help them create systems for organization, provide them with a quiet space to study, talk to them about what they are learning--but let them tackle it (or not) on their own. You are doing them no favors by sitting at their side. You are reinforcing that they can't do it on their own. If they don't do it at all, make them come up with a solution that fosters completion or at least a good attempt. If they are very young, unless you are explicitly told to participate in their work, instill some independence and autonomy early on. Compliment them when they work extra hard at something difficult. If they truly don't understand the work, flag it for the teacher if they are in k-3. By fourth grade if not earlier, they should start telling the teacher themselves. That self-advocacy and personal responsibility will pay bigger dividends later on than if you ensured they logged their reading properly or memorized the spelling list for that week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child just started elementary school and I volunteered to assist with homework. The same handful of kids never do their homework. One of the kids is friends with my child. Mom seems to like me. We've had a few play dates. I can't help but be bothered that this mom does not ever send in her child's homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child just started elementary school and I volunteered to assist with homework. The same handful of kids never do their homework. One of the kids is friends with my child. Mom seems to like me. We've had a few play dates. I can't help but be bothered that this mom does not ever send in her child's homework.

My 4 brothers never did their damned homework in elementary and middle school. Two did in high school, two were still negligent.
One doctor, one phd, a computer scientist and a lawyer
They got it together. No one ever did anything for them, took them to a learning specialist or even said anything (raised by a single mom).
We were upper middle class though with many opportunities such as private school and college. If we were in a lower middle class with fewer opportunities and schools that weren't great I could see having more of a cow about it. Not that that would help but I can understand it

What also helped was knowing that they'd have no money and a crappy quality of life if they didn't get it together. We lived in an upper middle class neighborhood but school was scholarship and there were no extras at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I could not care less if parents are invested in their kids education or not in EXACTLY the same way that I am.

Who knows how they are interacting or enriching their kids? Maybe they are taking them to the museums? Maybe they are cooking together? Each of these could be considered enriching and valuable in their own way.

You do you.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I can only figure these are parents of elementary students, because once those kids hit middle school and homework is a huge part of grades in some classes, those kids are going to slam into a brick wall.

And mom and dad are going to wonder, gosh, why is junior is tanking? It will be because junior never learned to schedule and do his homework, never learned which work to do immediately and which can wait, never learned to study in any way that goes beyond re-reading worksheets.

Kids are not born knowing how to set priorities or organize themselves. Parents do have a role -- which many on here seem most willing to abdicate -- in teaching their children study skills, and in teaching their children to respect the assignments teachers give them, even if the kid (and parent) dislike the work involved.

Here is how much homework I had in elementary school (K-6): a few worksheets in sixth grade, to prepare us for the idea of homework in junior high school. And yet somehow everybody seems to have more or less figured out the idea of homework in seventh grade!

This is anecdotal evidence, to be sure, but it does suggest that kids can manage homework in middle school without having had homework in elementary school.

I never had homework until about third grade, other than learning weekly spelling words. We would have little tasks to do at home, like "Ask your parents what X was like when they were little," or "Identify three things in your house that fall into Y category," but no worksheets. You don't need to do something before you're developmentally ready for it in order that you can do it when you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not my responsibility to do the homework. I've already completed my schooling.

If the homework is important to the teacher and it isn't being done, there should be consequences at school. If there aren't consequences, then the homework probably wasn't that important, was it?

+1

This is my attitude. If the teacher is giving homework and doesn't care whether or not it gets done, then she's wasting people's time. If the homework is important, and my kid won't/can't do it, then she needs to know that, too. I do whatever I can to facilitate homework--quiet, well-lit space, providing necessary supplies, allowing child the time to complete it--but I went to school for 21 years. I don't need anymore homework.

[Anonymous]

Homework for young children is detrimental. Kids need to rest and play after school. Families need time to talk and relax together. Parent and/or child brief reading should be all that is assigned until Middle School.