Why do some parents choose not to do homework with their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So... are you bothered because now that you have volunteered to assist, you see it as a personal insult that kids don't do their homework?

Or are you a true believer that homework HAS to be done, regardless of circumstances? Such as: the inane homework is an offensive waste of time, the parents work several jobs and can't help out, the kids have other more pressing special needs, or that simply no real benefits have been found when giving homework in early elementary?

Don't take it so personally.
Homework in the early years is controversial.

I used to do it religiously with DC1 when he was that age, but now I can see that most of it was a huge waste of time - I just wanted to be in "good standing" with the teacher, who probably didn't care less. Now in 5th grade, I tell DS not to do his spelling work - it's truly the most mind-numbing series of exercise imaginable and he already knows how to spell anyway. I remember when DS was in 3rd grade, the math packet would come home riddled with errors, and I had to re-word them for him. Ridiculous. I finally bought a workbook for him instead.

It bothers me that this mom seems not to care about academics. DH and I worked very hard in school and work. I currently stay home but worked for 10+ years before having kids. Mom and her child like to come over and hang out at our house. The dad seems to envy DH's sports cars in the driveway and our nice home. I can't get past why this mom won't do homework with her child. School is number one priority in our house.

Hon, I never once did homework with my now high school aged daughter. I saw once that it would be a power struggle and that was the last time I interfered.
It's HER homework and HER school life. None of it is my life or my homework
You have to let your kids have their own life - school is their life. Your life is whatever it is you do and did
I see so many parents doing their kids' homework and going over take home tests with them - you have to let the kids make their own mistakes.
You already had your opportunity let them have theirs.
Spouse and I both have advanced degrees
Daughter is now a top student. Does her work fine and it's all her - nothing is because of mommy and daddy and that's very empowering to her
Leave the other mom alone with your catty irritating comments - you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have very different parenting styles. The mom allows her child to watch tv and play as much video games as he wants. Does the same for older sibling. That would be unacceptable in our house. I don't think I can associate with a parent who lets children do that while not doing homework with them. Mom also watches a lot of tv.

While we have nice things, material items are low priority for us.

That was the first troll clue for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child just started elementary school and I volunteered to assist with homework. The same handful of kids never do their homework. One of the kids is friends with my child. Mom seems to like me. We've had a few play dates. I can't help but be bothered that this mom does not ever send in her child's homework.

Because she probably knows that homework in elementary school is not helpful and can even be harmful. Many studies have shown that. Maybe you need to "do your homework."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher. Homework is rarely helpful. Aside from reading at home, most of it makes no difference whatsoever. What is assigned should be done independently by the child, though. mYOB.

Seriously? No difference? Does this apply to middle and high school as well? Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"That's nice. In our house, LEARNING is a priority, but we don't believe the only or best way people learn is through school. Oh, and btw, I was a model for a long time. Super well off. No college. No regrats. (j/k) "

Irony alert!

That was clearly a joke. Do you not know what j/k means?

[Anonymous]

Why is HW considered useless for K-2, at least 2nd? Shouldn't HW re-enforce what the kids are learning at school? A 5 min worksheet isn't a hardship, is it? My 2nd grader has math HW sometimes, a half page worksheet DC's finishes pretty quickly, and then DC reads and practices math as part of HW - like math games on the computer. Isn't practicing math pretty key for speed?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Why is HW considered useless for K-2, at least 2nd? Shouldn't HW re-enforce what the kids are learning at school? A 5 min worksheet isn't a hardship, is it? My 2nd grader has math HW sometimes, a half page worksheet DC's finishes pretty quickly, and then DC reads and practices math as part of HW - like math games on the computer. Isn't practicing math pretty key for speed?[/quote]

There is research showing homework in younger grades doesn't actually help learning. And if it takes up a lot of time that should be family or relaxation time or stresses a 5 year old out, it could actually be harmful. My opinion is that school has my kid for 7-8 hrs and that should be enough to learn basic reading, writing and math until the kid is substantially older, like middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for the sake of argument that there is no value in homework in the early years (although the research on that is far more mixed than people like to acknowledge), it's still crappy parenting because it sets the precedent of only doing the things you find value in, regardless of what the expectations are of you. Good luck to those parents in a couple of years when the homework does matter (either because of its recognized value, or because it counts toward a grade) and they're having battles with their kids who don't want to do homework and have had it ingrained in them that homework is optional. Hopefully you're able to work through that with them before it affects high school grades, college admissions, job prospects, etc.

+1,000

This PP is right.

To the OP: Be sure you never do homework FOR your kids, and I hope that when you talk about doing homework "with" kids you mean helping them get ready, focus, decide what to do first, etc., and that you don't mean sitting next to them the entire time guiding each math problem or writing assignment. But do be aware of their homework, set aside a time that is just for doing it, have a place in the home that is free of distractions and siblings, etc. I get the frustration that other kids are not doing homework. If you are working with other parents' kids in school, there's nothing you can do about parents who are so uninvolved that they don't even ask their kid, "Do you have your worksheet to hand in today?" because, God forbid, that might be helicoptering. Just do whatever the teacher asks of you at school, and focus on giving your own kids, at home, a healthy respect for the teacher and the assignments.

I'm amazed at the number of posts on DCUM over the years from parents who clearly figure that whether or not homework gets done is 100 percent on their young, elementary-aged kids, and parents should have zero influence. It's also appalling to see the level of disdain for teachers' assigning any homework to elementary kids. As the PP notes above: This sends a message that homework doesn't really matter, it's a choice and not a requirement, and the parents really don't care about it--so why should the kids? I can only figure these are parents of elementary students, because once those kids hit middle school and homework is a huge part of grades in some classes, those kids are going to slam into a brick wall.

And mom and dad are going to wonder, gosh, why is junior is tanking? It will be because junior never learned to schedule and do his homework, never learned which work to do immediately and which can wait, never learned to study in any way that goes beyond re-reading worksheets.

Kids are not born knowing how to set priorities or organize themselves. Parents do have a role -- which many on here seem most willing to abdicate -- in teaching their children study skills, and in teaching their children to respect the assignments teachers give them, even if the kid (and parent) dislike the work involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I can only figure these are parents of elementary students, because once those kids hit middle school and homework is a huge part of grades in some classes, those kids are going to slam into a brick wall.

And mom and dad are going to wonder, gosh, why is junior is tanking? It will be because junior never learned to schedule and do his homework, never learned which work to do immediately and which can wait, never learned to study in any way that goes beyond re-reading worksheets.

Kids are not born knowing how to set priorities or organize themselves. Parents do have a role -- which many on here seem most willing to abdicate -- in teaching their children study skills, and in teaching their children to respect the assignments teachers give them, even if the kid (and parent) dislike the work involved.

Here is how much homework I had in elementary school (K-6): a few worksheets in sixth grade, to prepare us for the idea of homework in junior high school. And yet somehow everybody seems to have more or less figured out the idea of homework in seventh grade!

This is anecdotal evidence, to be sure, but it does suggest that kids can manage homework in middle school without having had homework in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

DW is busy posting on DCUM that sex is unnecessary to a happy marriage, while DH spends the evening with AP and the dog is with the walker.

[Anonymous]

The purpose of homework is to reinforce what has been learned in class during the day and to check that the child is fully grasping it.

If the child is having problems with the homework, its important for the teacher to know this asap, so that the classwork can be revisited in a way that makes sense to the child and they can move forward with everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know OP, when I was in K or 1st grade, kids didn't *have* homework. When I got older and started having homework, I don't ever remember my parents helping me with it. It was my responsibility and when I didn't do it, I was the one who got a detention for it.

Somehow I grew up to be a responsible person with an adequate enough education to hold down a good job.

Frankly I think it's a shame and a waste of time that my 2nd grader is spending our evenings doing addition so she can color in a puzzle of a bird. She is fine at math and doesn't need to be spending our time together doing math bird puzzles. She's a perfectly strong student and promises to do just fine in school, like her older sibling, even if I don't fill out a piece of paper for school confirming for them that we read for at least 20 minutes every night. Which we do. We are almost done with reading Harry Potter book 5 together.

Frankly I see homework for these young kids as assignments for the mother, not the kids. And we moms already have enough to do.

Maybe there are kids in the class that need he extra homework practice but really, I know mine is not one of them.

Now, we *do* do homework most of the weeks. But I can see how some parents might opt not to.

It's almost as if I wrote this! I agree completely. Why do I have to be responsible for my first graders homework? Why does she even have HW? I didn't have HW until maybe fourth grade and no one helped me or sat with me to do it. We still do it, but I hate having to remind my child every night and I think it's too much after a long day including aftercare.
I said this out loud and the other moms disagreed so I guess lobbying for no HW isn't a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The purpose of homework is to reinforce what has been learned in class during the day and to check that the child is fully grasping it.

If the child is having problems with the homework, its important for the teacher to know this asap, so that the classwork can be revisited in a way that makes sense to the child and they can move forward with everyone else.

And how was this addressed in the eighties when I was in elementary? No HW then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are supposed to do their own homework, not the parents. I can see parents' supervising its getting done, but that's it. And if a child doesn't do it, IMO, it should be returned to the teacher undone, so that the teacher knows the child isn't or can't do it. There are, however, a lot of households where parents "can't" help and can't supervise at all. Working two jobs, several children, sadly drug/alcohol problems, learning disabilities of their own, etc. I'd just focus on monitoring the kid at hand, and letting the teacher know if a particular child has trouble with something.

Yup.The amount of helicoptering astounds me.

Kids need to do their homework, on their own, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The purpose of homework is to reinforce what has been learned in class during the day and to check that the child is fully grasping it.

If the child is having problems with the homework, its important for the teacher to know this asap, so that the classwork can be revisited in a way that makes sense to the child and they can move forward with everyone else.

And how was this addressed in the eighties when I was in elementary? No HW then.

What has that got to do with now? I'm sorry, but referring this back to your experience of 30 years ago, without further thought, really is a total waste of everyone's time.