We're worried about our son and our grandchildren

[Anonymous]

You need to take the advice of an impartial party, a financial planner. They will all say, barring special needs, all children ( or grandchildren) should be given the same inheritance. Do not count #1's college against him. You paid for both kids' college. Done. Now that they are on their own, they get the same amount. Otherwise, the good kid feels punished for being responsible, and the negligent one gets financially rewarded for irresponsible choices.

[Anonymous]

My kids are little (5&8) but when the pope did his tour, I was REALLY inspired by his message around consumption and excess. Starting October 1 we rrally camped down on spending. I'm embarrassed to say we were spending about 20k/mo. In October we hit 15k and this month we are on track to hit 11k. This for us has been a drastic shift. We were spending lime drunken sailors and our kids were making demands. I have to tell you, it has been SO NICE to have our mid OFC spending and finding ways to have experiences together. I realized my mind was so cluttered with thoughts of thr next purchase. I actually have MORE time on my hands because I'm not spending time spending. We've proudly ate home cooked meals 6 out of 7 days a week. We've put solid limit on Christmas spending

Reading about this OPs kids makes me realize that we are giving them such a great foundation. A foundation not built around excess and entitlement. I only wish we had made this change sooner. The great thing is that I don't miss a single thing about our previous lifestyle. I even scrapped our kitchen remodel. I will live awhile longer with our formica counters, coil cooktop, and ugly 1996 cabinets. I can cook in my current kitchen and build the exact same memories. We now have a lot of cash piling up and vow not to buy anything outrageous until both kids college is fully funded.

[Anonymous]

^^^
I hate my phone. Hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are little (5&8) but when the pope did his tour, I was REALLY inspired by his message around consumption and excess. Starting October 1 we rrally camped down on spending. I'm embarrassed to say we were spending about 20k/mo. In October we hit 15k and this month we are on track to hit 11k. This for us has been a drastic shift. We were spending lime drunken sailors and our kids were making demands. I have to tell you, it has been SO NICE to have our mid OFC spending and finding ways to have experiences together. I realized my mind was so cluttered with thoughts of thr next purchase. I actually have MORE time on my hands because I'm not spending time spending. We've proudly ate home cooked meals 6 out of 7 days a week. We've put solid limit on Christmas spending

Reading about this OPs kids makes me realize that we are giving them such a great foundation. A foundation not built around excess and entitlement. I only wish we had made this change sooner. The great thing is that I don't miss a single thing about our previous lifestyle. I even scrapped our kitchen remodel. I will live awhile longer with our formica counters, coil cooktop, and ugly 1996 cabinets. I can cook in my current kitchen and build the exact same memories. We now have a lot of cash piling up and vow not to buy anything outrageous until both kids college is fully funded.

Love your story, you have your head on straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are little (5&8) but when the pope did his tour, I was REALLY inspired by his message around consumption and excess. Starting October 1 we rrally camped down on spending. I'm embarrassed to say we were spending about 20k/mo. In October we hit 15k and this month we are on track to hit 11k. This for us has been a drastic shift. We were spending lime drunken sailors and our kids were making demands. I have to tell you, it has been SO NICE to have our mid OFC spending and finding ways to have experiences together. I realized my mind was so cluttered with thoughts of thr next purchase. I actually have MORE time on my hands because I'm not spending time spending. We've proudly ate home cooked meals 6 out of 7 days a week. We've put solid limit on Christmas spending

Reading about this OPs kids makes me realize that we are giving them such a great foundation. A foundation not built around excess and entitlement. I only wish we had made this change sooner. The great thing is that I don't miss a single thing about our previous lifestyle. I even scrapped our kitchen remodel. I will live awhile longer with our formica counters, coil cooktop, and ugly 1996 cabinets. I can cook in my current kitchen and build the exact same memories. We now have a lot of cash piling up and vow not to buy anything outrageous until both kids college is fully funded.

Love your story, you have your head on straight.

It really feels good. I had no idea how the rush of spending is so quick and as soon as it was over, I was onto figuring out what next we could buy.

I'm just glad DH got on board. Doing this alone would have been impossible.

[Anonymous]

You don't "have" to support them. You want to. Your son will never get is s*it together until he has to. He doesn't have to because you are bending over backwards to make sure he never fails.
Time to be a parent and let him sink or swim, on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are little (5&8) but when the pope did his tour, I was REALLY inspired by his message around consumption and excess. Starting October 1 we rrally camped down on spending. I'm embarrassed to say we were spending about 20k/mo. In October we hit 15k and this month we are on track to hit 11k. This for us has been a drastic shift. We were spending lime drunken sailors and our kids were making demands. I have to tell you, it has been SO NICE to have our mid OFC spending and finding ways to have experiences together. I realized my mind was so cluttered with thoughts of thr next purchase. I actually have MORE time on my hands because I'm not spending time spending. We've proudly ate home cooked meals 6 out of 7 days a week. We've put solid limit on Christmas spending

Reading about this OPs kids makes me realize that we are giving them such a great foundation. A foundation not built around excess and entitlement. I only wish we had made this change sooner. The great thing is that I don't miss a single thing about our previous lifestyle. I even scrapped our kitchen remodel. I will live awhile longer with our formica counters, coil cooktop, and ugly 1996 cabinets. I can cook in my current kitchen and build the exact same memories. We now have a lot of cash piling up and vow not to buy anything outrageous until both kids college is fully funded.

Love your story, you have your head on straight.

It really feels good. I had no idea how the rush of spending is so quick and as soon as it was over, I was onto figuring out what next we could buy.

I'm just glad DH got on board. Doing this alone would have been impossible.

Thanks for posting. Nice to see others are out there like minded.

[Anonymous]

I'd take the sale of your house and my buy 6 rental apartments ($500 each) to rent for $2k a month net for a monthly income of $12k which should get you by nicely. Then I'd buy a $1million nice condo for yourselves and bank the other $1m. I wouldn't give anything to you son but you could sell an apartment once the grandkids hit college age to hep them finance school.

[Anonymous]

you are an awesome parent/grandparent.

[Anonymous]

Why does this thread make me think of Arrested Development?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice, just letting you know, you're not alone. We are dealing with similar circumstances and it's hard.

Goddamn. I wish I knew you and OP. I would be the age of your children and my husband and I bust our rear ends everyday to make our lives better for our family. I feel extremely guilty when my family or his gives us $100 even. I can't even fathom freeloading endlessly. We also still want to make our parents proud.

Wow. Just wow. I feel so awful for you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice, just letting you know, you're not alone. We are dealing with similar circumstances and it's hard.

Goddamn. I wish I knew you and OP. I would be the age of your children and my husband and I bust our rear ends everyday to make our lives better for our family. I feel extremely guilty when my family or his gives us $100 even. I can't even fathom freeloading endlessly. We also still want to make our parents proud.

Wow. Just wow. I feel so awful for you both.

I feel awful for their children.

OP - thank you for this thread, as a parent when we are faced with our children struggling it can at times be hard to hold back from helping them even though this is an essential part of the maturing process. Stories like yours help drive home the point about the importance of letting your children struggle and develop into adults that can stand on their own two feet. Sad for your family, but useful to others as an example of what not to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should acknowledge that they're not the only ones who have f*cked up. They don't have jobs because they've never had to get jobs and that's on you.

Agree. Also what about your other kid? Are they doing ok and have to constantly watch you bail out and make excuses for the loser?

[Anonymous]

You are an enabler.

[Anonymous]

This family is a great argument for the Estate Tax.