Dad chose stepmom over me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

Nope, parents should take their kids feelings into consideration especially since having kids is a CHOICE. It's not their fault they were born to parents too selfish to hold their marriage or relationship together. I have seen a lot of divorced parents overlook their kids feelings. They end up trapped in a lifetime of drama between their divorced parents or pushed off for the new spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't win this one. There will never be justice for you. Your father will never come back and say "I realize I was wrong and I love you more than anyone". Don't try to change him or get even with anyone in the family. Move on, disengage, live your life. This does not define you, don't let it weigh you down. Find a good therapist to work through the difficult emotions. You deserve better, but only you can give it to you.

This. What the parent who chooses spouse over kids does is abusive. Kids perceive it as about them -- he doesn't love me, I just want him to love and value and choose me. Although the parent's choice affects the kids, the parent's choice to abandon is not about the child as in the sense that the parent did not find the child compelling or worthy of love, rather the parent's choice is a reflection of their own weakness and insecurity. The parent chooses to abandon the kids because the new spouse gives the abandoning parent something they deeply need and the abandoning parent is so deeply needy and self-focused that they aren't capable of putting tbeir own needs aside in favor of a child.

Abusive people really never change, and if they do it's not because someone else forced or rationalized them to.

In these situations, it's up to us to parent ourselves and build new relationship networks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

+1000. Great post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

+1000. Great post.

I guess if crack whores are your benchmark, then that's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

+1000. Great post.

Could you more obviously have commented on your own post?