Dad chose stepmom over me

[Anonymous]

Unless you need something from him, kiss him good bye.

[Anonymous]

... and furthermore, why are you even thinking of spending holidays with them. It doesn't sound fun and it isnt' good for your kids.

They don't need a grandfather like that. Trust me. My kid has one.

[Anonymous]

OP, feel relief. You won't have to worry about his old age. Choose someone else too!

[Anonymous]

Im 14, my stepmother moved to help her dad and left a dew months after so my dad went to help her out and pretty much forgot about me. i always had the best shoes, new iphone and now i have nothing and live off ramen noodles and my grandma can sometimes afford fast food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 14, my stepmother moved to help her dad and left a f
ew months after so my dad went to help her out and pretty much forgot about me. i always had the best shoes, new iphone and now i have nothing and live off ramen noodles and my grandma can sometimes afford fast food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone been in this situation? Does anyone who is experienced have advice on how to go about holidays? Dad basically came out and said "if you are making me choose, I choose (stepmother)" - who has never liked me, and treated me like a servant my whole life. OTOH, they have a daughter who gets all of their love and affection. Would appreciate hearing from someone who has been through this.

Ask Tiffany.

[Anonymous]

When they ignore me, I ignore them better, honestly.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm so cold. Then I realize I learned it from him! And I don't mean that in a mean way- I'm thankful!

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Both of my parents did this, in different ways. I never asked them to choose, they just did. We don't have a relationship anymore. I think that's pathetic and will never do that to my child.

[Anonymous]

If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what led up to the "if you are making me choose . . ." question where he came out and said this? I am really sorry he said this, but what is the context? Why did you ask him to choose?

+1. The person who makes someone choose between them and someone else usually loses.

+2. If you have to make a choice, in most cases it's best to choose the one who isn't asking you to choose. That's the person who isn't playing games or leveling ultimatums, is probably treating you more respectfully, and is more likely to have your autonomy and best interests in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

I’m a product of a second marriage and I would be so embarrassed if either of my parents said this to my half sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my step daughter felt that she owned her father and had the right to dictate to him how he lives, I would tell him not to have her in my house. And we live in my house.

Thing is, I think a lot of kids feel they own their parents. I didn't. I knew my mom and dad would choose each other over me or my siblings. Somehow, that is not acceptable to kids when it involves a new love interest for the parent. If the bio mom and dad said they didn't want holidays with the kids or wanted to do their own thing, somehow that is less terrible?

If you want a relationship that both of you enjoy, you need to meet the parent on those terms. They give you life and raise you, though in some cases they choose to just send a check and leave because there is no life for them there except for the kid, and if they don't see that kid very often, it is hardly a life.

Maybe you are the selfish one for wanting to own you parent and for resenting them finding happiness.

Kids are born, its biology. It does not mean the world revolves around them. Sorry. Ask any crack whore's kid.

Did you just compare a stepparent to an actual parent? Like a child should be prepared to treat them with the same amount of feeling and respect as the actual parent?

Here's a thing. To a new spouse, you may have ideas that you should come as #1 ahead of everyone else. To a child of that spouse, you are the same thing as a daughter-in-law or son-in-law to a parent. In that you are someone who still needs to prove that you mean well to the member of their family you've just married, that you won't do them harm, that you won't alienate them from the rest of the family, and that you won't use them for your own purposes. That's not evil, that's normal. Because parent is blood and you are no one yet. In time, you may earn their respect. But that won't happen overnight, and you should never, ever expect that your interests will mean anything when weighed against blood.

This was for the stepparent. What's below is for adult children.

Remember that as you get older, a time will come as it surely will, when your aging parent will need you more than you need them. Not for changing diapers, not for wheeling a chair, but because you (and possibly your children/their grandchildren) are their only link to the future. Their own life is on the downward trajectory, toward inevitable decline and death. Only the company of children and grandchildren can take that feeling away. Don't forget that. Don't be too shy to remind them of this. No one wishes they spent more time with their second wife when on their deathbed. It's the children and the grandchildren. The blood. Remember you have power.

[Anonymous]

My stepmonster forced my dad to choose between us because I am too much of a reminder of my mother (who remarried a long time ago). Dad got married when I was 25. Stepmonster is controlling and decided (he did nothing to go against it) that their lives started with marriage - all picture of of childhoods, memorabilia, etc. were boxed up and given to me and my siblings shortly after their marriage. Literally not a single picture of us in their house. Rules don’t apply to her derelict children, who are 10-15 years older than us and still being supported (at least partially) by the monster.

But, in the end, no matter how evil the stepmother is, it’s your dad who has the obligation to you. And if he lets her get away with bad behavior, it’s on him. It’s sucks, but you need to move on without him.

[Anonymous]

My dad remarried to a horrible woman that treated my brother and I terrible, I was made in charge of housework while she sat and played cards and smoked, then if I complained once that either the dish water was too hot for my young hands or anything I got beat and my dad had his head in the newspaper and ignored the abuse, then when I was 17 I went to my father and I told him I was being sexually abused by someone in our family (had been going on for years) and he said thats just the way boys are, so as soon as I turned 18 I left and although my story is a little different basically my dad chose my stepmom and her horrible boys over me and my brother, I still love my dad he was a good father up until his mother passed then it was downhill from there and things got worse when he met my stepmom.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't win this one. There will never be justice for you. Your father will never come back and say "I realize I was wrong and I love you more than anyone". Don't try to change him or get even with anyone in the family. Move on, disengage, live your life. This does not define you, don't let it weigh you down. Find a good therapist to work through the difficult emotions. You deserve better, but only you can give it to you.