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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you can't win this one. There will never be justice for you. Your father will never come back and say "I realize I was wrong and I love you more than anyone". Don't try to change him or get even with anyone in the family. Move on, disengage, live your life. This does not define you, don't let it weigh you down. Find a good therapist to work through the difficult emotions. You deserve better, but only you can give it to you.[/quote]

This.  What the parent who chooses spouse over kids does is abusive.  Kids perceive it as about them -- he doesn't love me, I just want him to love and value and choose me.  Although the parent's choice affects the kids, the parent's choice to abandon  is not about the child as in the sense that the parent did not find the child compelling or worthy of love, rather the parent's choice is a reflection of their own weakness and insecurity.  The parent chooses to abandon the kids because the new spouse gives the abandoning parent something they deeply need and the abandoning parent is so deeply needy and self-focused that they aren't capable of putting tbeir own needs aside in favor of a child.

Abusive people really never change, and if they do it's not because someone else forced or rationalized them to.

In these situations, it's up to us to parent ourselves and build new relationship networks. [/quote]

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