Jealous of sister marrying rich

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I was thinking of this recently as time has gone on, I feel less connected to my sister. She has become different and I can see how slowly we see the world differently.

I have to skimp and save to to afford luxuries that just fall into her lap casually.

DH and I work hard and do pretty well now. We have to rent a nice beach house in OBX while her in laws have a house she has access to.
Buying furniture is a big investment for us while her DH's family and grandparents randomly buy them couches, tables and help furnish their home.
She just doesn't really know what its like to live within a budget or pay for something for herself.

It makes me a bit sad that I'm losing a connection with her, and also jealous that her life is such a breeze and all she did was get married!

You’re losing your connection *because* of your jealousy. It’s too bad that you can only see connection with a sibling via the shared experience of the price of a couch.

She’s not so much leaving you behind, rather, you seem determined to drown in the quicksand.

[Anonymous]

I am like the OP's sister. I married money (and for love). Over the years, due to my extreme good fortune, I have been able to give money to my sibling for 2 down payments on houses, paid for multiple vacations, paid for renovations, given money to our parents to help them, and we will likely pay for a good chunk of the kids' college educations.

Be nice to your sister - she probably understands her good luck and will want to pass it on as much as she is able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

God never closes a door without opening a lake house 🙏

I love this sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be happy for her. And you'll probably see some fringe benefits yourself.

Yea this is the best way to look at it OP.

God never closes a door without opening a lake house 🙏

[Anonymous]

Her life isn't as perfect as it sounds and her husband and his family aren't as wonderful as they sound

Tell her how happy you are for her and that you hope one day to have that kind of financial stability. Hopefully she becomes a little more sensitive.

I'm sure she is just excited.

If you truly love your husband and he loves you back, you've hit the jackpot too by the way.

All the best.

[Anonymous]

OP you have no idea what kinds of strings are attached with all that money.

[Anonymous]

Somebody is making more money than you and living a more luxurious, easy lifestyle, no matter how much money you make.

It could be your sister or anybody else.

You have to make your life what you want it to be, and I think a good way to get over this materialism is to help other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am like the OP's sister. I married money (and for love). Over the years, due to my extreme good fortune, I have been able to give money to my sibling for 2 down payments on houses, paid for multiple vacations, paid for renovations, given money to our parents to help them, and we will likely pay for a good chunk of the kids' college educations.

Be nice to your sister - she probably understands her good luck and will want to pass it on as much as she is able.

Ugh. I have family money and it’s all in trusts. I can’t spend it on my husbands siblings, even if I wanted to. I wouldn’t encourage the original poster to feel entitled to her sisters husbands money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you have no idea what kinds of strings are attached with all that money.

This!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am like your sister. My DH is a high earner and his family is from old money. We have it made and he is a wonderful husband and father, but the socioeconomic differences between us have been difficult at times. There are also trade offs attached to this wealth such as family time and extended family fights over the inheritances etc. support your sister and try to remind yourself that every phase and lifestyle has their pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister just got engaged to a wonderful guy a month ago. He seems really great and his family is amazing.They also happen to be crazy rich. Our family is very poor and our parents are broke. I got married two years ago to my amazing dh. His family is also very broke so we had to pull together whatever we had saved to have a small modest wedding.

Now that sis is engaged, she keeps talking about her rich in laws are paying for a very fancy wedding. I am happy for her but also jealous. I am a pretty great person too, it just seems like I missed out. And its not just her wedding. Because she's marrying into money, she will have access to fabulous vacations, their lake house, private school for kids AND an adoring husband and loving in laws.

My dh and I are barely scraping by with both our incomes combined. Our kids will have to go to public. We can't even dream of owning a house anytime soon.

How different our fortunes are!

OP are you and your sister close? If you are, don't let it come between you - she might be generous to you some day!

If you are not close, and want to be, then make the effort. If you are not close, and you have no desire to be close, then it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is rich too but I don't envy her. Sounds like you envy things, not your sister. Did you tell this to your husband ?

You should.

What would be the point of this? To make her husband feel bad that he's not generationally wealthy and can't provide her the things she wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is happening with me & my sister. I love her dearly but her husband is an entitled millennial who didn't finish college and has no real ambition. I think she wanted to be married and said yes to the first one who asked. (I have not verbalized this to her.) We talk all the time about everything under the sun, so this isn't affecting our relationship, except that I wish her husband would kick himself into gear and be more of a partner to her.

My DH has been making six-figures for over a decade and I also have wealthy in-laws. We have more now than she ever will. She realizes this, accepts it and I do not flaunt anything. I paid for her plane ticket the last time she came to visit, and I always pay for her meals, etc when we go out. Another issue is that my other sister is married to someone with a similar SES to us and we vacation together, without poor sister + her DH because they can't afford it, and don't have kids.

Damn, this is b*tchy. "We have more now than she ever will?" I hope she wins the lottery tomorrow and makes you eat those words. Geesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be happy for her. And you'll probably see some fringe benefits yourself.

+ 1

Your kids can intern in their company and get college admissions based on their alum relationships. Better to have a rich relative who can help you out vs having a poor relative who needs help. I would love it if my relatives were rich because I wouldn't have to worry for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend married into a wealthy family. She was intimidated a bit at first but she is much as you describe your sister: beautiful, sociable, and a nice person. Men and women gravitate towards her. When she was engaged, she was amazed that his family was so generous to her. She got all her china and silver at one shower. Her husband is handsome, successful and a super nice guy who has adored her since the first time he saw her. Their two kids are also attractive, kind and smart. Her inlaws adore her because of all she has brought into the family, none of which is monetary since her family was middle class and she quit her career to accommodate his corporate moves and their children. It's normal to feel envious, especially if it is your sibling.

OP here. This is just like my sister. My mother is known for her exceptional grace and beauty. My sister luckily inherited her good looks and charisma. For as long as I remember she has always received positive attention from people. Men go crazy around her and women want to be her best friend. I do genuinely wish her well and love her. She's sweet and a kind person.

It's just super hard to not compare our situations because we grew up together in a tight knit family. We had the same group of friends, my mom dressed us in identical clothes and gave us the same haircuts. We even lived together as roommates until I got married. It just seems so odd that she got handpicked for a charmed life while I'll continue my financial struggle. Don't get my wrong, my dh is lovely and a sweetheart but we're just so average. Her dh is super smart and successful and comes from a rich but loving family. I just can't help but feel the difference in the quality of our dhs says a lot about who is a superior catch. And of course, she just wins.

NP, I've finally kind of come to terms that my sister feels this way about me. She's shorter and heavier than me, but I think she's very pretty and seriously the funniest, wittiest person I've ever met. We're close and get along well for the most part, but every once in a while I can tell it's resentment bubbling up in the way she criticizes me, my lifestyle, my parenting, and even my husband while reminding me of my "good fortune that has nothing to do with your [my] actual merit." It's actually super hurtful, and after 30 something years, I'm tired of it, but I don't know what to do. My advice would just be mindful of it, and try not to let your jealousy manifest itself that could damage your relationship.

I'm going back over my own timeline and trying to remember if when I first met/married my husband if I talked about money a lot. I might have because it was all so novel to me, and I just wanted to marvel with someone who knew me. It wasn't bragging because I didn't even fully grasp the concept of the money or privileges. Give your sister some grace to adjust, and if it continues, I would speak plainly, and just say ... I'm super happy for you, but we're on two different pages financially right now and it's a bit hard for me to relate. Let's stick to topics where we can both be comfortable.

Good luck and congratulations to your sister!