31-Should I get divorce?

[Anonymous]

OP: I guess I agree that noone is perfect.... Is it typical that DH does not want to participate in any activities, such as meet your coworkers for drinks, go hiking, go to concerts and festivals.... I think my husband does not need much of enourishments from outside ... While he is very intelligent, travelled to Europe, loves history, he does not need much of communication with new people, to him the world is black or white no grey area, right or wrong, there are no philosophical discussions or thoughts... Also, I always have to come up with places to go and places to eat at, although I asked him many times whether he could plan the evening for us... He is a good cook too, he is really a homebody, and I think I have to figure out for myself what is important for me, setting sex life aside hoping we can improve in that area. Is it the fact that my DH has all these good qualities and will be a good dad, or is it getting to know the World together and developing new likes and also raising children together... Every weekends it is either me doing something by myself, watching a movie together at home or going out to eat together. Do I just need to get more girl friends instead of trying to change my DH? I think any guy that would be looking for new things would be more likely to cheat and get interested in other women....

[Anonymous]

Let me summarize your problems as I understand them:

You are disappointed with your sex life because DH won't go down on you
You fight about money sometimes
Your DH doesn't like novelty-type activities as much as you do
Your DH doesn't like philosophical discussions as much as you do

I'm sorry, but I don't think these problems are marriage-breakers.

Could you find someone who wants to go down on you and who likes going out for drinks and hiking and going to festivals?
Yes, of course you could.

Would that person cheat on you? It's impossible to know.

Would that person have their own list of things that bother you? BET YOUR LIFE ON IT.

I DO think you should get girlfriends to spend time with. Are you new to this area as well? How long have you lived in your current location? Do you think a lot of your dissatisfaction is could be coming from feeling like you haven't made a home in this new place yet?

My advice to you is to get happy. Create the life you want. Make sure to continue to do the things with DH that you both do enjoy (going out to eat, watching movies) and then on top of that add your own stuff that you like.

If you do that and you STILL feel like something is off in your relationship, at that point you can start to think about divorce. But right now it sounds to me like you are thinking about blowing up your marriage because you're bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me summarize your problems as I understand them:

You are disappointed with your sex life because DH won't go down on you
You fight about money sometimes
Your DH doesn't like novelty-type activities as much as you do
Your DH doesn't like philosophical discussions as much as you do

I'm sorry, but I don't think these problems are marriage-breakers.

Could you find someone who wants to go down on you and who likes going out for drinks and hiking and going to festivals?
Yes, of course you could.

Would that person cheat on you? It's impossible to know.

Would that person have their own list of things that bother you? BET YOUR LIFE ON IT.

I DO think you should get girlfriends to spend time with. Are you new to this area as well? How long have you lived in your current location? Do you think a lot of your dissatisfaction is could be coming from feeling like you haven't made a home in this new place yet?

My advice to you is to get happy. Create the life you want. Make sure to continue to do the things with DH that you both do enjoy (going out to eat, watching movies) and then on top of that add your own stuff that you like.

If you do that and you STILL feel like something is off in your relationship, at that point you can start to think about divorce. But right now it sounds to me like you are thinking about blowing up your marriage because you're bored.

This is solid advice. I'd take heart.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your DH would be open to, opening up the marriage to let you experiment a bit. Maybe a girlfriend would help with the lack of oral.

[Anonymous]

Please, please don't have kids with this guy. Kids only make a bad marriage worse. If he continues to refuse marriage counseling, then divorce may be your best option. Maybe you need to leave him for a bit to snap him into reality. Sometimes people don't believe their marriage is on the brink until the other person walks out.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce now. Do not get pregnant. Get out now before it gets a hell of a lot worse with a kid or kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce now. Do not get pregnant. Get out now before it gets a hell of a lot worse with a kid or kids.

Can you please elaborate? What gets worse and in what way exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a divorce now. Do not get pregnant. Get out now before it gets a hell of a lot worse with a kid or kids.

Can you please elaborate? What gets worse and in what way exactly?

you will get older and less attractive. so that when you do divorce you will have much less options.

you will get more and more depressed and think this is your fault, you may even start drinking nightly to kill the pain. After drinking nightly, you will start hiding alcohol from friends and family, and eventually show up at INOVA CATS on a holiday weekend after bingeing for days unable to deal with family.

you will start to hate yourself and think you are ugly

if by some stupid, idiotic, choice you become pregnant, you will doom your child to a life of constant conflict and self doubt, and indecision/hesitation, possibly mental disease from your fighting.