31-Should I get divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This life is not the important one. This life is for doing your best so you can get to heaven. God would not be happy with you if you divorced. Unfortunately this life isn't about you it's about God. Left is life and yes you are stuck. Turn to God.

In God eyes, what is better getting divorce or cheating down the road? From a personal perspective, I believe cheating would hurt more.

Don't cheat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we got married after 7-8 months of knowing each other...which I think was the biggest mistake.

Wasn't such a great idea, was it? You thought you were smarter than everyone else. "I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING! I'M GETTING MARRIED IN MY MID 20S! I'M BETTER THAN YOU!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we got married after 7-8 months of knowing each other...which I think was the biggest mistake.

Wasn't such a great idea, was it? You thought you were smarter than everyone else. "I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING! I'M GETTING MARRIED IN MY MID 20S! I'M BETTER THAN YOU!"

There were some other reasons other than being in love or being smarter than others.... Also, obviously getting married in 20s is not being smarter than others.... Additionally, is it do unusual to get married in your late 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we got married after 7-8 months of knowing each other...which I think was the biggest mistake.

Wasn't such a great idea, was it? You thought you were smarter than everyone else. "I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING! I'M GETTING MARRIED IN MY MID 20S! I'M BETTER THAN YOU!"

OP didn't marry until she was 28. Who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 31, attractive, no kids, have been married for 4 years to a very responsible great guy. Unfortunately, our married life has not been as great. Every holiday or vacation we argue, we have no common interests, we have sex 2-3 times a month and it's not good at all... I think all our problems come from me being sexually unsatisfied. Over the past 4 years, my DH gave me oral sex just once... I talked to him about this, however it does not seem as he wants to make me happy or change anything at all. My DH is very attractive and never had to work to get a women, even in bed he always wants me to be on top, do all the work when I am not even turned on... I make more then DH, we have no assets together, so divorcing seems to be an easy option....however, emotionally it is very hard. My husband has great self control, never looks at other women, I know he would never cheat on me, he is a self starter, has his own business (works from home).... he makes me breakfast every morning, and while he rare makes any compliments, I feel that he loves me. He is all around great guy. Two main issues are sex and the fact that he does not want to make any friends or socialize with other couples... our life has become bored...it is always he and I and we barely have anything to talk about. Counseling for him is not an option, although he said that it would be good for me to get some counseling... My family loves him.... I feel it is too early for us to have these issues and too early for me not to feel desired.... This has been going on for the past 2-3 years, we got married after 7-8 months of knowing each other...which I think was the biggest mistake.

About a month ago, coworker started to hit on me, I entertained his thoughts by flirting back, however nothing has happened. That made me feel alive and realize that life is not over yet....

I do not see my DH and I working through our problems, however divorce is so hard to get through...after all emotionally we are very attached. DH wants kids, but I am not sure... Also, I doubt I would ever meet a faithful simple guy like my DH.

The bolded part makes me think that a big part of your staying is based on fear - fear of loss, of the future. When you make decisions based on fears, they are rarely good decisions.

I agree do NOT have kids with him unless and until you get this straightened out. I think that the PP who suggested working on your power struggles is on point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand why guys won't go down. My wife tastes and smells great. I don't care how she keeps it- shaved, trimmed, landing strip, full bush. I could spend all day every day there because I love how she responds to my touch. She knows I love it and am not doing it just for her. Also love that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants. Before, during, or after intercourse- it doesn't matter to me, in fact her preferred is after. Sometimes wake her up with it or just do it before we go to sleep bc it makes her sleep better. In turn my sex life is far more active than most and I have a very satisfied and thankful spouse, win-win. And again I really just love doing it. I guess among spouses of her group I'm a rarity, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You guys need to man up.

You are awesome!!! We need more men like you And I think it would take of many of the "my wife won't have sex with me" threads that we see on here...

I wish my husband had your attitude about this, he rarely does it. when he does do it, it's a total chore for him

[Anonymous]

If you haven't gone to therapy for this, OP, then you really seem to be treating this as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, not a marriage. Did you take your vows to this man seriously? If neither of you place much significance on marriage, sure, divorce, but it seems incredibly immature to me.

[Anonymous]

If you turn to DCUM to ask if you should get a divorce, just go ahead and get a divorce. Especially because you worked on fixing the marriage w/o cooperation, no kids, you're still young and able to stand on your own 2 feet. I asked this forum the same question a few years ago with very similar stats as you and everyone be like, "hit the road, jack!" I did and now I'm happily remarried with a kid on the way.

[Anonymous]

OP - why won't he go to counseling?

Regarding money, do you use a program like Quicken or something that both of y'all can see whenever you want? Something I learned from living at home years ago was watching my folks sit down every Saturday morning, bills on the table, PC on the table, and a spreadsheet (they kept track of their bills and charitable donations on it) out and discussed every little thing. They also have their separate "fun" money accounts to do as they please and agreed what percentage of money goes into it.

I never heard yelling once.

Yes, OP, you married too quick, you don't know someone well enough in a year or less to walk down the aisle.

[Anonymous]

OP: How do you make your DH to understand that you are serious? I talked to my DH throughout the years about my unhappiness, he ignores it and waits for better days or when I am so busy at work that do not have time to think about our marriage or discuss anything... Like today, I talked to him, he says it's not the first time so he is not even going to think about it. As it relates to marriage counseling, he is so fool of himself, that tells me there is nothing they can tell him that he does not know... Btw he is only 29...,and will be 30 in the next few months.

[Anonymous]

Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. But please, make crystal clear with the next guy that oral sex is a must.

[Anonymous]

Do not have children with him. All the problems you have with him now, will be worse. Get a divorce. You are still young. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand why guys won't go down. My wife tastes and smells great. I don't care how she keeps it- shaved, trimmed, landing strip, full bush. I could spend all day every day there because I love how she responds to my touch. She knows I love it and am not doing it just for her. Also love that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants. Before, during, or after intercourse- it doesn't matter to me, in fact her preferred is after. Sometimes wake her up with it or just do it before we go to sleep bc it makes her sleep better. In turn my sex life is far more active than most and I have a very satisfied and thankful spouse, win-win. And again I really just love doing it. I guess among spouses of her group I'm a rarity, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You guys need to man up.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This life is not the important one. This life is for doing your best so you can get to heaven. God would not be happy with you if you divorced. Unfortunately this life isn't about you it's about God. Left is life and yes you are stuck. Turn to God.

Y I K E S!