31-Should I get divorce?

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm your age and married to a Scorpio, too. I relate to many of the things you've mentioned.

Mostly what it sounds like to me is that you're having MAJOR power struggles, and sex is just one of the battlefields.

If you keep pushing head on for the things you want, resistance will just get stronger and stronger.

I don't think you're ready yet for divorce. Maybe down the line, but since any marriage involves handling power struggles well, I suggest you get some practice here first at least. Maybe you can turn a corner, maybe you can't. But don't throw in the towel yet.

Here is what you should do:

Tell him that you want to a certain amount of disposable income on which he will have no say. Ask his opinion about a reasonable amount. When you come to terms, STICK TO IT. Nothing is going to piss him off more than unpredictability in that department. Stop going head to head over vegetables. Agree to a grocery budget, and if you go over, use your agreed upon disposable income to reconcile the difference.

Regarding sex, I echo previous posters' advice to stop giving him great sex in exchange for crappy sex.
You don't need to TELL him that, just stop putting effort into being enthused. Just be lukewarm (which is how you are sincerely feeling, so it's not manipulation).
I predict once he feels the natural consequences of his actions (sucking in bed), he'll step up. If he feels like it's a demand coming from you, he'll revolt.

Similarly with the making friends thing, don't go head to head with him about it. Try accepting that your social life is your responsibility, and do what makes you happy. If he stops feeling PRESSURE, he may just start getting curious about what you're doing and want to compete for some of your attention.

Now, I suggest these strategies based on the assumption that this guy has redeeming qualities.
For example, my DH is a great looking (also can have lazy-in-bed tendencies as a result) control freak who can be a majorly boring homebody, but he is also protective, nurturing, super smart, fun to be with a decent chunk of the time, and loyal.

So for those reasons, I decided to stop getting into power struggles with him about every little thing. And it has been a good decision for me personally, even though that may seem counterintuitive.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand why guys won't go down. My wife tastes and smells great. I don't care how she keeps it- shaved, trimmed, landing strip, full bush. I could spend all day every day there because I love how she responds to my touch. She knows I love it and am not doing it just for her. Also love that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants. Before, during, or after intercourse- it doesn't matter to me, in fact her preferred is after. Sometimes wake her up with it or just do it before we go to sleep bc it makes her sleep better. In turn my sex life is far more active than most and I have a very satisfied and thankful spouse, win-win. And again I really just love doing it. I guess among spouses of her group I'm a rarity, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You guys need to man up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand why guys won't go down. My wife tastes and smells great. I don't care how she keeps it- shaved, trimmed, landing strip, full bush. I could spend all day every day there because I love how she responds to my touch. She knows I love it and am not doing it just for her. Also love that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants. Before, during, or after intercourse- it doesn't matter to me, in fact her preferred is after. Sometimes wake her up with it or just do it before we go to sleep bc it makes her sleep better. In turn my sex life is far more active than most and I have a very satisfied and thankful spouse, win-win. And again I really just love doing it. I guess among spouses of her group I'm a rarity, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You guys need to man up.

You are awesome!!! We need more men like you And I think it would take of many of the "my wife won't have sex with me" threads that we see on here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm your age and married to a Scorpio, too. I relate to many of the things you've mentioned.

Mostly what it sounds like to me is that you're having MAJOR power struggles, and sex is just one of the battlefields.

If you keep pushing head on for the things you want, resistance will just get stronger and stronger.

I don't think you're ready yet for divorce. Maybe down the line, but since any marriage involves handling power struggles well, I suggest you get some practice here first at least. Maybe you can turn a corner, maybe you can't. But don't throw in the towel yet.

Here is what you should do:

Tell him that you want to a certain amount of disposable income on which he will have no say. Ask his opinion about a reasonable amount. When you come to terms, STICK TO IT. Nothing is going to piss him off more than unpredictability in that department. Stop going head to head over vegetables. Agree to a grocery budget, and if you go over, use your agreed upon disposable income to reconcile the difference.

Regarding sex, I echo previous posters' advice to stop giving him great sex in exchange for crappy sex.
You don't need to TELL him that, just stop putting effort into being enthused. Just be lukewarm (which is how you are sincerely feeling, so it's not manipulation).
I predict once he feels the natural consequences of his actions (sucking in bed), he'll step up. If he feels like it's a demand coming from you, he'll revolt.

Similarly with the making friends thing, don't go head to head with him about it. Try accepting that your social life is your responsibility, and do what makes you happy. If he stops feeling PRESSURE, he may just start getting curious about what you're doing and want to compete for some of your attention.

Now, I suggest these strategies based on the assumption that this guy has redeeming qualities.
For example, my DH is a great looking (also can have lazy-in-bed tendencies as a result) control freak who can be a majorly boring homebody, but he is also protective, nurturing, super smart, fun to be with a decent chunk of the time, and loyal.

So for those reasons, I decided to stop getting into power struggles with him about every little thing. And it has been a good decision for me personally, even though that may seem counterintuitive.

Good luck!!

Thank you, you are on point with his personality, he is def a homebody. I'll try all these recommendations.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I dated a man like this--at least in terms of sexual dissatisfaction-and ultimately ended it because the lack of sexual intimacy just masked a larger inability to be truly intimate. I thought when I met him that still waters run deep, etc, but ultimately I realized that he was incapable of true intimacy and his discomfort with expressing desire for me was not only about a lack of desire but about an inability to be close to anyone. So, when we were first dating and not that close, he pursued my physically, but as our lives became more entwined and we lived together, he just stopped being interested. I remember once asking him why he never looked at me during sex and he said that it made him uncomfortable. And I realized that this was an emotionally stunted man.

So, OP, is the issue that he's lazy in bed? or that he is not attracted to you? Or that he cannot handle physical intimacy that is also emotional intimacy?

[Anonymous]

I think you can def work on these issues! Whose to say the next guy won't have worse issues? Try talking to your husband and telling him he needs to do more to satisfy you in bed pronto! Withhold the BJs

[Anonymous]

You can do so much better than this. Leave before things get more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce now. You are young and you have no kids. It will be relatively easy.

BTDT and it was the best decision I ever made.

[Anonymous]

It's not just about the sex or lack thereof, it's about the lack of respect your husband is showing you by refusing to work on or even acknowledge your issues (he is having good sex, right? So who cares how you feel). He doesn't care if you are happy. That's not ok and that's not anything I would want to "work on".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just about the sex or lack thereof, it's about the lack of respect your husband is showing you by refusing to work on or even acknowledge your issues (he is having good sex, right? So who cares how you feel). He doesn't care if you are happy. That's not ok and that's not anything I would want to "work on".

You might be right, there was another time when I tried talking to him, he asked me when I'd get busy at work again... i.e. so I didn't think about it.

[Anonymous]

Also, my DH is young, he is turning 30... less mature... Sometimes it takes him 30 min of vaginal intercourse to cum, which is very unusual to me...it seems too long....it has always been like this except for the first time when it was 5 min. He wouldn't do any outdoor activities with me except for going to the pool once in a while...

I am going to talk to my DH, and see where life takes us after holidays.

[Anonymous]

This life is not the important one. This life is for doing your best so you can get to heaven. God would not be happy with you if you divorced. Unfortunately this life isn't about you it's about God. Left is life and yes you are stuck. Turn to God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This life is not the important one. This life is for doing your best so you can get to heaven. God would not be happy with you if you divorced. Unfortunately this life isn't about you it's about God. Left is life and yes you are stuck. Turn to God.

In God eyes, what is better getting divorce or cheating down the road? From a personal perspective, I believe cheating would hurt more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op what industry is paying you a whooping $140? Your writing is atrocious and you sound extremely immature.

Go away >>>>>>

Why? I just want to know what industry this is that is short on specialists. Maybe I will steer my kids into it. Their grammar is lacking too. Op is clearly Eastern European so she either in computer programming, IT or business solutions. These industries are fairly saturated in the DC area. So I am just wondering which industry in the DC area is bleeding for specialists?

Are you bilingual, PP, and do you write fluently in both languages? If not then STFU.

[Anonymous]

This isn't about sex. You don't seem super compatible. Is this how you want to go through the rest of your life? You don't have kids - chalk it up to a life lesson and go meet someone you actually like.