31-Should I get divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand why guys won't go down. My wife tastes and smells great. I don't care how she keeps it- shaved, trimmed, landing strip, full bush. I could spend all day every day there because I love how she responds to my touch. She knows I love it and am not doing it just for her. Also love that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants. Before, during, or after intercourse- it doesn't matter to me, in fact her preferred is after. Sometimes wake her up with it or just do it before we go to sleep bc it makes her sleep better. In turn my sex life is far more active than most and I have a very satisfied and thankful spouse, win-win. And again I really just love doing it. I guess among spouses of her group I'm a rarity, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You guys need to man up.

How is that possible during inter course?

[Anonymous]

I took it to mean that the guy will stop having sex with her and go down on her, as opposed to before they start or after he cums.

[Anonymous]

Demand he go to therapy prior to divorcing. Please make one last very serious effort. Guys sometimes need to be hit on the head. Do not have an emotional or physical affair. If he doesn't improve or go to therapy then you'll know you did everything. But again, as a man saying this, be very firm and direct that you need him to go to therapy because your needs are not being met and perhaps his aren't either. If he declines you've done all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Demand he go to therapy prior to divorcing. Please make one last very serious effort. Guys sometimes need to be hit on the head. Do not have an emotional or physical affair. If he doesn't improve or go to therapy then you'll know you did everything. But again, as a man saying this, be very firm and direct that you need him to go to therapy because your needs are not being met and perhaps his aren't either. If he declines you've done all you can do.

I think this is excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the sex in the 7-8 months you were dating was mind blowing? You had endless things in common in the 7/8 months you were dating and you barely got any sleep since you just wanted to keep talking?
Oh, it wasn't? So now you're surprised? <eye roll>
Grow up. You're a little girl that wanted to play house and now you want to take your toys and leave since you're bored,

This.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce. You are too young to be this unhappy. If you want to have children someday, get out now. Bringing children into this marriage would be a big mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demand he go to therapy prior to divorcing. Please make one last very serious effort. Guys sometimes need to be hit on the head. Do not have an emotional or physical affair. If he doesn't improve or go to therapy then you'll know you did everything. But again, as a man saying this, be very firm and direct that you need him to go to therapy because your needs are not being met and perhaps his aren't either. If he declines you've done all you can do.

I think this is excellent advice.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand why guys won't go down. My wife tastes and smells great. I don't care how she keeps it- shaved, trimmed, landing strip, full bush. I could spend all day every day there because I love how she responds to my touch. She knows I love it and am not doing it just for her. Also love that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants. Before, during, or after intercourse- it doesn't matter to me, in fact her preferred is after. Sometimes wake her up with it or just do it before we go to sleep bc it makes her sleep better. In turn my sex life is far more active than most and I have a very satisfied and thankful spouse, win-win. And again I really just love doing it. I guess among spouses of her group I'm a rarity, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You guys need to man up.

How is that possible during inter course?

69 position

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: How do you make your DH to understand that you are serious? I talked to my DH throughout the years about my unhappiness, he ignores it and waits for better days or when I am so busy at work that do not have time to think about our marriage or discuss anything... Like today, I talked to him, he says it's not the first time so he is not even going to think about it. As it relates to marriage counseling, he is so fool of himself, that tells me there is nothing they can tell him that he does not know... Btw he is only 29...,and will be 30 in the next few months.

Don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of the institution of marriage. Choosing him as your life partner was a mistake, but it's a fixable one. Don't throw good time after bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 31, attractive, no kids, have been married for 4 years to a very responsible great guy. Unfortunately, our married life has not been as great. Every holiday or vacation we argue, we have no common interests, we have sex 2-3 times a month and it's not good at all... I think all our problems come from me being sexually unsatisfied. Over the past 4 years, my DH gave me oral sex just once... I talked to him about this, however it does not seem as he wants to make me happy or change anything at all. My DH is very attractive and never had to work to get a women, even in bed he always wants me to be on top, do all the work when I am not even turned on... I make more then DH, we have no assets together, so divorcing seems to be an easy option....however, emotionally it is very hard. My husband has great self control, never looks at other women, I know he would never cheat on me, he is a self starter, has his own business (works from home).... he makes me breakfast every morning, and while he rare makes any compliments, I feel that he loves me. He is all around great guy. Two main issues are sex and the fact that he does not want to make any friends or socialize with other couples... our life has become bored...it is always he and I and we barely have anything to talk about. Counseling for him is not an option, although he said that it would be good for me to get some counseling... My family loves him.... I feel it is too early for us to have these issues and too early for me not to feel desired.... This has been going on for the past 2-3 years, we got married after 7-8 months of knowing each other...which I think was the biggest mistake.

About a month ago, coworker started to hit on me, I entertained his thoughts by flirting back, however nothing has happened. That made me feel alive and realize that life is not over yet....

I do not see my DH and I working through our problems, however divorce is so hard to get through...after all emotionally we are very attached. DH wants kids, but I am not sure... Also, I doubt I would ever meet a faithful simple guy like my DH.

OP, I get that this decision is not easy, because you are looking at a cross roads. If you leave now, you still have time to start over. If you stay, you will have to deal with the problems in your marriage, and you don't know to what extent they are fixable.

I highlighted the part about your being emotionally attached to your DH, because I do sense ambivalence in your posts. On one hand there are frustrating things in your marriage, but on the other hand it does sound like there is still something holding you there (beyond fear of the unknown).

What attracted you to DH? What were your relationships like before DH? Why didn't you choose any of the other men you met before him?

I ask these questions because I know it is tempting to imagine that you can wipe the slate clean and go find a perfect guy and ride off into the sunset, but if you're honest with yourself you'll know that you are not a perfect person (no one is), and there are reasons you are here where you are right now. Sometimes we make mistakes, yes, but you didn't get married at 18, and something made you choose your DH, who you do claim is a good, decent (if imperfect) person.

Only you know if leaving is the right thing to do. But I think you owe it to yourself to become a better person with your marriage as a vehicle, and see if you can turn this into a satisfying union. I don't think it's impossible at all, even if he is initially being stubborn about counseling. (Go yourself to start things off).

I am a believer that quality marriages are 80% made and 20% compatibility. Oh, and please read the book Passionate Marriage. I think it will give you new hope.

[Anonymous]

Since your husband doesn't seem willing to attend counseling sessions w/you to work on your issues together, then your only chance here would be to leave. Perhaps you don't need a divorce immediately, how about a trial separation first? Perhaps that will open his eyes to how serious you are about your issues & perhaps that may be enough for him to re-consider marriage counseling.

You will never know until you try.

Sexual satisfaction is something very important to a marriage. If the sex does nothing for you, then the rest of your marriage will be very vanilla + your are much too young to just "settle."

I wouldn't advise having children w/him considering how things are going.

Regarding him always wanting you to be on top, I had a guy like that before. That was the only way he could stay erect was if I layed on him, he could never lay on me or he would instantly get soft. Sucked for me. (No pun intended here.)

And yes, divorce is one of the toughest roads one can take in life, yet so is being miserable in a marriage that has lost its steam even before leaving the station. Again...No pun intended.

[Anonymous]

*unless you try

[Anonymous]

OP: Thank you for all your advices.

[Anonymous]

Wow your thread has really brought out the bat shit crazies on DCUM.

OP - the most important decision in life is not who you marry, it's who you have kids with. YOu know you married the wrong person. But you can still get out. DO not compound this by having kids with this man. It won't make anything better but it will make everything more complicated.

[Anonymous]

I was having significant problems with my spouse and we turned things around. But he also knew I was getting ready to leave. My point is that there is a chance you could improve your relationship without starting over.