Redshirted and Regretted It?

[Anonymous]

I have met third and fourth graders who were cognizant of their situation and didn't understand why they were having to hang out with kids so much younger, but that is anecdotal and at least 4-5 years outdated.

[Anonymous]

We redshirted.....and regret it. We made the decision to have our son (who has a Juy bday) repeat Pre-K this year. We have regretted it ever since. The school thought he was ready for K this year, but we didn't send him, mainly because we struggled with our own feelings of what it would be like for him as the youngest boy. Last year in Pre-K he did beautifully. This year has been a whole different story. He is bored and has begun to act out physically. He also knows that he is repeating, and it bothers him. He asks why he didn't go onto K with his friend X, and why he has to do Pre-K again. We wish we could turn back the clock and undo our decision. But we can't, so we are left trying to be as positive as we can and frame things for him in a way that makes him feel as good as possible about where he is. But inside we feel like we should have listened to the school. Granted, we don't know how things would have turned out for him in K, but for the other 2 boys with summer bdays that went onto K from his class, we know they are having a wonderful year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We redshirted.....and regret it. We made the decision to have our son (who has a Juy bday) repeat Pre-K this year. We have regretted it ever since. The school thought he was ready for K this year, but we didn't send him, mainly because we struggled with our own feelings of what it would be like for him as the youngest boy. Last year in Pre-K he did beautifully. This year has been a whole different story. He is bored and has begun to act out physically. He also knows that he is repeating, and it bothers him. He asks why he didn't go onto K with his friend X, and why he has to do Pre-K again. We wish we could turn back the clock and undo our decision. But we can't, so we are left trying to be as positive as we can and frame things for him in a way that makes him feel as good as possible about where he is. But inside we feel like we should have listened to the school. Granted, we don't know how things would have turned out for him in K, but for the other 2 boys with summer bdays that went onto K from his class, we know they are having a wonderful year.

Are you in a public school? If so, it should be pretty easy to move him into his regular cohort. I can't imagine he's missed out on the long-division they've already mastered and that he's hopelessly behind...

[Anonymous]

This is where I am on the topic... also have a late summer birthday DS who I think is very smart and also is chameleon-like to those he is surrounded with so I think he could rise to any occasion. I wouldn't "redshirt" if he were going to public school. But since we'll at least attempt the competitive DC independent school system I realize it's the cold reality that we're not getting in at his deadline age, if we want a spot he'll likely be a 6 year old kindergardener or a 7 year old 1st grader, etc. depending on the feeder year.

[Anonymous]

Which is certainly more appropriate than the 6 year old Pre-K or 7 year old Kindergartner which is where the issue many are concerned with occurres.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is where I am on the topic... also have a late summer birthday DS who I think is very smart and also is chameleon-like to those he is surrounded with so I think he could rise to any occasion. I wouldn't "redshirt" if he were going to public school. But since we'll at least attempt the competitive DC independent school system I realize it's the cold reality that we're not getting in at his deadline age, if we want a spot he'll likely be a 6 year old kindergardener or a 7 year old 1st grader, etc. depending on the feeder year.

Don't believe the myth and the justifying that other parents do. There are plenty of summer birthday boys in the private schools in their appropriate grade - I know 2 summer boys in the school of their choice at the right age. Your summer birthday boy will get in to a school, especially if he is smart like you say. The WPSSI tests are age adjusted and the evaluating teachers know the ages of the kids that they are looking at. And I have heard from one AD (a friend) that she instructs the teachers at the playdates to pay attention to age differences because they don't want a school full of kids with September birthdays! And unless you were told by the school to wait a year to start school (afgter playdates, or family divorce or death, etc.) she does not look well on parents who try to place a K aged child in Pre-K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is where I am on the topic... also have a late summer birthday DS who I think is very smart and also is chameleon-like to those he is surrounded with so I think he could rise to any occasion. I wouldn't "redshirt" if he were going to public school. But since we'll at least attempt the competitive DC independent school system I realize it's the cold reality that we're not getting in at his deadline age, if we want a spot he'll likely be a 6 year old kindergardener or a 7 year old 1st grader, etc. depending on the feeder year.

Don't believe the myth and the justifying that other parents do. There are plenty of summer birthday boys in the private schools in their appropriate grade - I know 2 summer boys in the school of their choice at the right age. Your summer birthday boy will get in to a school, especially if he is smart like you say. The WPSSI tests are age adjusted and the evaluating teachers know the ages of the kids that they are looking at. And I have heard from one AD (a friend) that she instructs the teachers at the playdates to pay attention to age differences because they don't want a school full of kids with September birthdays! And unless you were told by the school to wait a year to start school (afgter playdates, or family divorce or death, etc.) she does not look well on parents who try to place a K aged child in Pre-K.

And don't believe this PP is the authority on this subject b/c she has spoken with one AD (from who knows what school). As for our family's situation, our summer b-day DC... 99.9% WPSSI, super bright, very well adjusted... was told by 3 of the "BIG 4" DC schools that they would not be admitting him last year b/c of his age. So we held him back for another year of PK. He's absolutely thriving.

This year he got into all 4 schools and we've had a nice decision to make choosing which top school would be best for him.

Am I concerned that he's going to be emotionally scarred and will lose all confidence because he's 6 weeks older than a "normal aged" K who's birthday is in September? I think not...

Parents... make the decision that is right for your child and your family... and avoid listing to the armchair quarterbacks on this forum whose motivations I tend to questions (you think they're really concerned about the "good of whole" and making sure all kids have a level playing field. If you think that, ask them what they are doing sending their kid to a $30k per year private school).

[Anonymous]

PP, I think you are missing the point. No one is arguing that by being 6 weeks older than someone else, a boy is going to suffer and be forever damaged. After all, no one would say that an Oct. 1 bday is going to face difficulty in relation to his Nov. 15th counterpart. That logic makes no sense.

What people are saying, is that by being a minimum of 6 weeks older, and in some cases a year or more older, as a result of having been held back and not being in the correct grade based on school cut-offs, MAY at some point be an issue for a boy. Whether parents can address this themselves or not, there is some level of stigma associated with being redshirted. There are boys who are not redshirted, and that always begs the question, why?

In my son's case, we redshirted him (late July bday). He's now at a big 3 in 5th grade. There were some in his grade with summer birthdays who were held back, and some who went on despite having summer bdays. My son is all too aware that the school felt there was something about HIM that was not there for him to proceed. He knows that the school felt that other boys who were born in the same month he was , were ready, and they did move on. So its not that my son is a month older than the Sept. bdays, and this is harmful to him. Its that he knows on some level that there was something the school felt was "missing" from him that was not "missing" from same-age peers. And I can say that no matter how you spin this to your son, on some level it doesn't feel good. At some point the confidence they may have by being oldest is undercut by arriving in this position as the result of a perceived deficit in development noted earlier in their school career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I think you are missing the point. No one is arguing that by being 6 weeks older than someone else, a boy is going to suffer and be forever damaged. After all, no one would say that an Oct. 1 bday is going to face difficulty in relation to his Nov. 15th counterpart. That logic makes no sense.

What people are saying, is that by being a minimum of 6 weeks older, and in some cases a year or more older, as a result of having been held back and not being in the correct grade based on school cut-offs, MAY at some point be an issue for a boy. Whether parents can address this themselves or not, there is some level of stigma associated with being redshirted. There are boys who are not redshirted, and that always begs the question, why?

In my son's case, we redshirted him (late July bday). He's now at a big 3 in 5th grade. There were some in his grade with summer birthdays who were held back, and some who went on despite having summer bdays. My son is all too aware that the school felt there was something about HIM that was not there for him to proceed. He knows that the school felt that other boys who were born in the same month he was , were ready, and they did move on. So its not that my son is a month older than the Sept. bdays, and this is harmful to him. Its that he knows on some level that there was something the school felt was "missing" from him that was not "missing" from same-age peers. And I can say that no matter how you spin this to your son, on some level it doesn't feel good. At some point the confidence they may have by being oldest is undercut by arriving in this position as the result of a perceived deficit in development noted earlier in their school career.

I think as his parent you need to do more to help him "work through this." Some children walk or talk later than their peers and yet even though they know they walked or talked later than their peers they don't care. Why? Because their parents never made it seem like it was a deficit that mattered. So your child wasn't fully developed at age 4. Who cares? He still got accepted into the school. And how he develops from here is up to him and to you.

[Anonymous]

The deadline for Fairfax County Public Schools is Sept. 30th for birthdays. My son was born in late Sept. and is not in preschool yet. So if we hold him back, is that considered "redshirting"? Or is that normal to hold back a boy born in late Sept. who will go to a Sept. 30th deadline school system?

(I brought up the Sept. 30th deadline because someone had posted that the private school deadline is Sept. 1st, this was news to me. If my son went to private school, I wouldn't have to agonize over this decision ... just kidding.)

So far, I know of an August birthday girl that will be held back, I know a Sept. birthday girl that was held back, a July birthday boy that will be held back, ....hmmm that's it. But my oldest is in preschool, so I don't know that many kids that have gone into the school system yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I think you are missing the point. No one is arguing that by being 6 weeks older than someone else, a boy is going to suffer and be forever damaged. After all, no one would say that an Oct. 1 bday is going to face difficulty in relation to his Nov. 15th counterpart. That logic makes no sense.

What people are saying, is that by being a minimum of 6 weeks older, and in some cases a year or more older, as a result of having been held back and not being in the correct grade based on school cut-offs, MAY at some point be an issue for a boy. Whether parents can address this themselves or not, there is some level of stigma associated with being redshirted. There are boys who are not redshirted, and that always begs the question, why?

In my son's case, we redshirted him (late July bday). He's now at a big 3 in 5th grade. There were some in his grade with summer birthdays who were held back, and some who went on despite having summer bdays. My son is all too aware that the school felt there was something about HIM that was not there for him to proceed. He knows that the school felt that other boys who were born in the same month he was , were ready, and they did move on. So its not that my son is a month older than the Sept. bdays, and this is harmful to him. Its that he knows on some level that there was something the school felt was "missing" from him that was not "missing" from same-age peers. And I can say that no matter how you spin this to your son, on some level it doesn't feel good. At some point the confidence they may have by being oldest is undercut by arriving in this position as the result of a perceived deficit in development noted earlier in their school career.

I think as his parent you need to do more to help him "work through this." Some children walk or talk later than their peers and yet even though they know they walked or talked later than their peers they don't care. Why? Because their parents never made it seem like it was a deficit that mattered. So your child wasn't fully developed at age 4. Who cares? He still got accepted into the school. And how he develops from here is up to him and to you.

16:30 here. Well said PP. Our July birthday DC was redshirted, and now is academically at the top of his class and has emerged as a strong social leader amongst his peers (which I don't just attribute to the redshirt by the way... but do believe it to be a supporting factor). If my son asks me at some point, why did I not start school "on time"... I will let him know that it was the trend at top private schools not to admit most summer birthdays, and that we wanted to give him every advantage possible b/c we love him dearly. I think the fact that he will know he (a) goes to one of the best schools in the country, (b) leads his peers (including other redshirts) in academics, and (c) excels at athletics/social activities will more than compensate in terms of his confidence than any questions about why he might have delayed starting K when he was 5 years old.

This is what is right for our son, our family, and our particular situation. If you have a kid who is more middle/end of the pack academically and socially... then maybe it is legitimate that he/she may feel even more insecure at some point about his/her school start date because he or she may not feel they are doing as well as others and will think "maybe I'm just not smart enough to be here, and they knew it back in K". All I can tell you is that for our son, our family, and our particular situation... that's not a scenario we're concerned about in the least.

So, once again I say... "leave it to the parents and school to make the right decision for THEIR child"... and all the posters on this board who seem so preoccupied with the decision that other families are making, I'd say you might want to turn some of that energy back to your own kid.

[Anonymous]

And once again, I would suggest that summer birthdays are not the issue that many having problems with the concept are objecting to. Your summer birthday son is within the realm of age range for his class. Bully for him.

It is the child who is born in April, or December, 3 to 6 months older than your son, where there is an issue. These kids are in some case 18-19 months older than the 'right aged' spring birthdays who are 10 or so months younger than your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And once again, I would suggest that summer birthdays are not the issue that many having problems with the concept are objecting to. Your summer birthday son is within the realm of age range for his class. Bully for him.

It is the child who is born in April, or December, 3 to 6 months older than your son, where there is an issue. These kids are in some case 18-19 months older than the 'right aged' spring birthdays who are 10 or so months younger than your son.

The post from the July redshirt mom exemplified why parents redshirt. It sounds like her son would have been fine going to school normally. Someone could write that post and substitute September through June for the word July. I too have a child at a Big 3 and there are summer birthdays. There also are some fall birthdays. Want the truth?

Many redshirt parents I've met in the public or private school world are the most aggressive with highly overindulged children. The real question is where does it end? June ? October? When the redshirt makes varsity as a freshman or sophomore and gives sh1t to others then it's time to stuff it. Are schools supposed to build more parking places for the sophomores?

FYI. Youth lacrosse leagues had to change to birth years due to redshirting. This isn't about the small for the age first born July/August child who appears to be on the low end academically.

[Anonymous]

Been lurking on this thread for the last week as I have a summer birthday (late July) son who we are considering "redshirting" because a top independent school suggested we do so.

It seems the consensus on this board (if there is such a thing) is that no one really has a "problem" with redshirting a May-Aug summer birthday child if its for the right reasons. What people do take issue with is redshirting a child born prior to May in order to give them an advantage in academics, athletics, etc.

Does anyone disagree with the above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is where I am on the topic... also have a late summer birthday DS who I think is very smart and also is chameleon-like to those he is surrounded with so I think he could rise to any occasion. I wouldn't "redshirt" if he were going to public school. But since we'll at least attempt the competitive DC independent school system I realize it's the cold reality that we're not getting in at his deadline age, if we want a spot he'll likely be a 6 year old kindergardener or a 7 year old 1st grader, etc. depending on the feeder year.

Don't believe the myth and the justifying that other parents do. There are plenty of summer birthday boys in the private schools in their appropriate grade - I know 2 summer boys in the school of their choice at the right age. Your summer birthday boy will get in to a school, especially if he is smart like you say. The WPSSI tests are age adjusted and the evaluating teachers know the ages of the kids that they are looking at. And I have heard from one AD (a friend) that she instructs the teachers at the playdates to pay attention to age differences because they don't want a school full of kids with September birthdays! And unless you were told by the school to wait a year to start school (afgter playdates, or family divorce or death, etc.) she does not look well on parents who try to place a K aged child in Pre-K.

And don't believe this PP is the authority on this subject b/c she has spoken with one AD (from who knows what school). As for our family's situation, our summer b-day DC... 99.9% WPSSI, super bright, very well adjusted... was told by 3 of the "BIG 4" DC schools that they would not be admitting him last year b/c of his age. So we held him back for another year of PK. He's absolutely thriving.


This is the PP. My friend that "AD from who knows what school" is probably someone you spent a lot of time sucking up to. READ my message carefully. My friend said the following: "And unless you were told by the school to wait a year to start school .......... she does not look well on parents who try to place a K aged child in Pre-K.". It seems from your message that an AD suggested you wait a year....... and your point is.