Redshirted and Regretted It?

[Anonymous]

I'm "red-shirting" my August birthday daughter. The schools did not suggest this. I took it upon myself to make this decision. Basically, I had the choice of my daughter being the very youngest in her entire grade or have her being one of the oldest. One of my major considerations was not her present maturity, but for girls I think it is important to consider their maturity as they become teenagers. I would rather not have her turn eighteen the same week she goes off to college.

[Anonymous]

So you are going to have a 19 year old high school senior girl living under your roof?

And to the PP who discussed athletics and popularity, there is only one starting quarterback on the team. Maybe it was just the high school I went to but most of the athletes went on to not much after school. Many of them burned out and struggled through college and have meh careers now.

Certainly none of them went on to become pro athletes and only a handful used athletics as a means to score a college scholarship or gain an edge for college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are going to have a 19 year old high school senior girl living under your roof?

And to the PP who discussed athletics and popularity, there is only one starting quarterback on the team. Maybe it was just the high school I went to but most of the athletes went on to not much after school. Many of them burned out and struggled through college and have meh careers now.

Certainly none of them went on to become pro athletes and only a handful used athletics as a means to score a college scholarship or gain an edge for college admissions.

Not the PP, but I believe her daughter will turn 19 the August after she graduates from high school. My first year in college I knew a girl who was very bright -- she was there on a full scholarship. However, she was a year younger than the rest of us and her immaturity really showed through. I always felt sorry for her and felt that she really was not mature enough to be living away from her parents at that time. People may say that a year doesn't make a difference much further down the road, but at 16, 17, or 18 it still matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Are you serious? Do you think it is just a coincidence that the most popular and socially well adjusted kids in high school tend to be those that are good at sports (especially for boys)? (ie the stereotypical "quarterback of the football team" and "captain of the cheerleaders"). For boys, excelling at team sports typically gives huge boosts in self-confidence and provides recognition and affirmation from peers. So, redshirting a summer birthday boy in order to mitigate against a later physical disadvantage in sports seems like a decent strategy in my book.

I'm sure I'll get flamed away by all the former nerds in school who think that sports/popularity are not important nor predicative of future "success". I'll choose just to leave that one alone for now...

OP again. Not trying to flame, necessarily, but I am one to agree that sports acumen/popularity are not good predictors of future success. However, Dh shares your perspective that excelling at sports boosts self-confidence. I guess it is a matter of priorities & perspective. I gained more confidence from excelling at academics, and he gained more confidence from excelling at sports. He thinks that putting him in an environment where he is a year younger than others will ensure failure at sports. I disagree. In any event, I am more concerned about how he will be challenged acadmically and whether he will view himself as ahead or on par with others in that arena. I am afraid that redshirting him will take away confidence in academics. To me, academics is what school is about. No?

[Anonymous]

Will the PPs who simply hate redshirting as a concept please stop posting and let the discussion develop? We all understand that you think most children should never be held back (redshirted) and that all kids should start school at the same time. I've read the "19-year-olds in high school -- eek!" spiel on at least four different threads in the past few months.

I understand your view, and I'm not telling you you're not entitled to it. But not everyone agrees with you. And when you make your anti-redshirting arguments in every thread, it immediately turns the discussion into a public policy debate about whether anyone should be allowed to redshirt their kids. My understanding is that OP is trying to decide how to treat her particular child who is right at the borderline, and is asking for personal experiences from others who have been in that situation. She's not looking to engage in a public policy debate with you. If anyone wants to rehash the public policy debate, it's been covered in the archives several times.

Thanks for your consideration.

[Anonymous]

Red shirt all of the summer kids, and then the spring kids are the youngest. The cut-off used to be later. I was born 12/24 and turned 18 after one semester of college. Never excelled at sports, but I wouldn't have done any better with a year's advantage. Let's face it-- there are freshmen who make varsity and seniors still on JV regardless of this "redshirting."

Somebody has to be the youngest. Kids are born all year round but school starts in the fall. I don't look at whether my child is "advanced" as other children but at whether she can succeed in the school environment. Can't imagine telling her that I don't think that she could.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you are considering the right issues for your son. I'm sure it's a tough decision. There are plenty of people who are happy they held their children back, and there are plenty of others who don't like children to be held back. Do I correctly recall that your son's preschool teacher thinks he is ready to progress? I'd put a lot of weight on that. You also should get the opinion of the schools he might attend. I know you said those schools generally encourage holding late-summer birthdays back, but have they evaluated your son? Ask to meet with them. Or better yet, just listen to what they say when you apply. They've seen more kids than any of us have, so they're probably in the best situation to assess whether or not your son will thrive. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

22:59 here - The reason I regret not having redshirted my oldest child is this. Despite just about all of the services that are available without an IEP, he struggles terribly with reading and language based activities. By about the end of third grade, kids who aren't proficient in reading are going to struggle in virtually every subject - math, social studies, science, etc. Even though my son is very bright, his grades don't show it and he is quite frustrated with school and feels defeated a lot.

In addition to that, considering personality and maturity issues, he doesn't fit with kids his age. Consequently, he doesn't get invited to birthday parties. No one plays with him at recess. And, he is a frequent victim of bullying.

All of this is very hard to watch. I recognize that not all of these problems would have been eliminated by redshirting. But, quite a few of them would have. If he were about a year behind in school, his reading would not pose a significant problem for him because he would not be so far behind and he would likely have been able to hit minimum targets before he reached fourth grade. Also, he gets along well with kids that are 1-2 years younger than he is and he has made quite a few friends in the class below his - unfortunately they don't have recess together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red shirt all of the summer kids, and then the spring kids are the youngest. The cut-off used to be later. I was born 12/24 and turned 18 after one semester of college. Never excelled at sports, but I wouldn't have done any better with a year's advantage. Let's face it-- there are freshmen who make varsity and seniors still on JV regardless of this "redshirting."

Somebody has to be the youngest. Kids are born all year round but school starts in the fall. I don't look at whether my child is "advanced" as other children but at whether she can succeed in the school environment. Can't imagine telling her that I don't think that she could.

Exactly, do you want your kids to be around kids their own age or around younger kids? Who succeeds and fails when the comparison is all younger?

What happens when everybody redshirts? Remember the line from "The Incredibles", "when everyone is super, no one is".

Is that what we are devolving to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are you serious? Do you think it is just a coincidence that the most popular and socially well adjusted kids in high school tend to be those that are good at sports (especially for boys)? (ie the stereotypical "quarterback of the football team" and "captain of the cheerleaders"). For boys, excelling at team sports typically gives huge boosts in self-confidence and provides recognition and affirmation from peers. So, redshirting a summer birthday boy in order to mitigate against a later physical disadvantage in sports seems like a decent strategy in my book.

I'm sure I'll get flamed away by all the former nerds in school who think that sports/popularity are not important nor predicative of future "success". I'll choose just to leave that one alone for now...

OP again. Not trying to flame, necessarily, but I am one to agree that sports acumen/popularity are not good predictors of future success. However, Dh shares your perspective that excelling at sports boosts self-confidence. I guess it is a matter of priorities & perspective. I gained more confidence from excelling at academics, and he gained more confidence from excelling at sports. He thinks that putting him in an environment where he is a year younger than others will ensure failure at sports. I disagree. In any event, I am more concerned about how he will be challenged acadmically and whether he will view himself as ahead or on par with others in that arena. I am afraid that redshirting him will take away confidence in academics. To me, academics is what school is about. No?

I personally would be surprised if a spring/summer birthday kid ever draws the conclusion that "my parents didn't think I was smart enough to begin school" and so erodes his academic self-confidence. Especially if he is reading 1 year ahead of many in his class. That's a pretty big leap. Just point out to him that MANY other kids with similar birthdays were encouraged to wait a year before K and tell him that as a loving parent you wanted to make sure you gave him every advantage you could.

Listen to you husband on the sports issue for your son... it is very important for many (but granted, not all) kids and will more than make up for any of your confidence concerns on the academic side. By the way - I tend to define "success" as someone who is very well rounded and can excel at lots of things... including academics, sports, social interactions, etc. (This is coming from another male perspective).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are going to have a 19 year old high school senior girl living under your roof?

And to the PP who discussed athletics and popularity, there is only one starting quarterback on the team. Maybe it was just the high school I went to but most of the athletes went on to not much after school. Many of them burned out and struggled through college and have meh careers now.

Certainly none of them went on to become pro athletes and only a handful used athletics as a means to score a college scholarship or gain an edge for college admissions.

I said she was born in August which means she will be 18 for her senior year. I will refrain from making a tempting obnoxious remark.

[Anonymous]

OP, notice that no one has responded yes to your original question. This was one of several reasons that we ultimately decided to wait a year for kindergarten for our son. There are lots of people who regret not waiting a year, lots of people who are happy that they decided not to wait a year, and lots of people opposed to the concept in general. What you never hear about are parents who did give their child an extra year, and later regretted it. To me, this speaks volumes.

I agree with you that athletics should not be the basis for your decision, but I do think that building self-confidence and self-esteem at a younger age should not be underestimated. Whether this stems from being good at sports or academically should not matter. I think an important consideration is whether your son can assert himself with his peers. If he is always the follower, for example, that's a good indicator that he may need some extra time to build self-confidence.

The other thing to consider is where you think he will end up at school. As other posters on other threads have noted, private schools and some counties are consistently encouraging/forcing summer boys to wait a year. If your son will be in one of those schools, then your concern about him being so far ahead of others is really a non-issue.

Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red shirt all of the summer kids, and then the spring kids are the youngest. The cut-off used to be later. I was born 12/24 and turned 18 after one semester of college. Never excelled at sports, but I wouldn't have done any better with a year's advantage. Let's face it-- there are freshmen who make varsity and seniors still on JV regardless of this "redshirting."

Somebody has to be the youngest. Kids are born all year round but school starts in the fall. I don't look at whether my child is "advanced" as other children but at whether she can succeed in the school environment. Can't imagine telling her that I don't think that she could.

Exactly, do you want your kids to be around kids their own age or around younger kids? Who succeeds and fails when the comparison is all younger?

What happens when everybody redshirts? Remember the line from "The Incredibles", "when everyone is super, no one is".

Is that what we are devolving to?

This is weak argument. No one is suggesting that ALL summer birthdays be redshirted. What most suggest is simply that the parents of a summer birthday child be given the OPTION to redshirt if they, and the school, feel that the child would avoid a disadvantage by gaining an extra year of motor,processing skills/social maturity. As has been detailed in previous threads... this has all come about because the curriculum in K is today much more advanced than it was 20-30 years ago (today's K is yesterday's 1st)... and some kids, particularly boys, have simply not had the chance to develop the processing skills to begin reading, math, etc by age 5 years and 1 month.

Those making the "public policy" argument here really don't have much credibility to stand on... why are you wishing to deny parents the choice to try and avoid a disadvantage for their DC? I recognize that we should guard against abusing the system (ie. all parents redshirting every kid... or parents redshirting older non-summer/late spring birthdays)... but if the schools do their jobs correctly then that will not happen (and is not happening today).

My bet is many of those who are trying to deny summer birthday kids the option of doing what is right for their DC likely have a "normal" or "older" child and wish to prevent any other child from gaining an advantage relative to them (ie. they like their child's age advantage and don't want to see it erased)... alternatively I'll bet some of those opposed are summer birthday parents who did not choose to redshirt, and are now simply trying to justify their own decision.

OP... make a decision that is right for YOUR CHILD and your family. Don't listen to these self-motivated boneheads on this forum. Listen to what the school is telling you... they have more experience than anyone here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, notice that no one has responded yes to your original question. This was one of several reasons that we ultimately decided to wait a year for kindergarten for our son. There are lots of people who regret not waiting a year, lots of people who are happy that they decided not to wait a year, and lots of people opposed to the concept in general. What you never hear about are parents who did give their child an extra year, and later regretted it. To me, this speaks volumes.

I agree with you that athletics should not be the basis for your decision, but I do think that building self-confidence and self-esteem at a younger age should not be underestimated. Whether this stems from being good at sports or academically should not matter. I think an important consideration is whether your son can assert himself with his peers. If he is always the follower, for example, that's a good indicator that he may need some extra time to build self-confidence.

The other thing to consider is where you think he will end up at school. As other posters on other threads have noted, private schools and some counties are consistently encouraging/forcing summer boys to wait a year. If your son will be in one of those schools, then your concern about him being so far ahead of others is really a non-issue.

Good luck with your decision.

Great advice IMHO. Nice comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, notice that no one has responded yes to your original question. This was one of several reasons that we ultimately decided to wait a year for kindergarten for our son. There are lots of people who regret not waiting a year, lots of people who are happy that they decided not to wait a year, and lots of people opposed to the concept in general. What you never hear about are parents who did give their child an extra year, and later regretted it. To me, this speaks volumes.

I agree with you that athletics should not be the basis for your decision, but I do think that building self-confidence and self-esteem at a younger age should not be underestimated. Whether this stems from being good at sports or academically should not matter. I think an important consideration is whether your son can assert himself with his peers. If he is always the follower, for example, that's a good indicator that he may need some extra time to build self-confidence.

The other thing to consider is where you think he will end up at school. As other posters on other threads have noted, private schools and some counties are consistently encouraging/forcing summer boys to wait a year. If your son will be in one of those schools, then your concern about him being so far ahead of others is really a non-issue.

Good luck with your decision.

Great advice IMHO. Nice comment.

Agree. Very insightful.