My mom has lost interest in me - has become self centered - I'm grieving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also wonder why people say selfishness is a sign of aging. My grandma was always kind and wise and stayed until the end (the end was 95+), so was my dad (esp emotionally strong part, obviously physically one can get weak). My mom on the other hand... nope, selfish and always has been. Not sure she's more selfish. However I tolerate it much less as I have by now figured out the manipulations. I wonder if people simply didn't realize their moms were selfish before or couldn't admit to themselves?

I’ve seen it in multiple family members. Definitely not all, but some. They tell stories and only talk about themselves, and no longer engage in normal back and forth conversation like they used to. Not sure if it’s related to mild cognitive decline or what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also wonder why people say selfishness is a sign of aging. My grandma was always kind and wise and stayed until the end (the end was 95+), so was my dad (esp emotionally strong part, obviously physically one can get weak). My mom on the other hand... nope, selfish and always has been. Not sure she's more selfish. However I tolerate it much less as I have by now figured out the manipulations. I wonder if people simply didn't realize their moms were selfish before or couldn't admit to themselves?

I’ve seen it in multiple family members. Definitely not all, but some. They tell stories and only talk about themselves, and no longer engage in normal back and forth conversation like they used to. Not sure if it’s related to mild cognitive decline or what.

NP. Same here. My mom (75) will call “just to say hi” and then go on and on about her health. It’s a soliloquy, basically, and she expects me to sit through it for an hour and gets pissy when I say I have to go 15 mins into the call because I’d rather give that time to my husband and children. I wish she and my dad would move to a new area with better weather and activities because I think part of the problem is she doesn’t have much to do. Instead, they’ve stayed in the same house they’ve lived in for 45+ years as if they waiting for things to suddenly switch back to the way they used to be. So she calls me or one of my siblings even after 8 pm, and goes on and on like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’ve seen it in multiple family members. Definitely not all, but some. They tell stories and only talk about themselves, and no longer engage in normal back and forth conversation like they used to. Not sure if it’s related to mild cognitive decline or what.

NP. Same here. My mom (75) will call “just to say hi” and then go on and on about her health. It’s a soliloquy, basically, and she expects me to sit through it for an hour and gets pissy when I say I have to go 15 mins into the call because I’d rather give that time to my husband and children. I wish she and my dad would move to a new area with better weather and activities because I think part of the problem is she doesn’t have much to do. Instead, they’ve stayed in the same house they’ve lived in for 45+ years as if they waiting for things to suddenly switch back to the way they used to be. So she calls me or one of my siblings even after 8 pm, and goes on and on like this.

I think this is more boredom than selfishness. She has no-one to interact with and as you say, not much to do, so it all overflows. Not having much to do and seeking out activities is a HUGE problem with the elderly. Talking to dad also has run its course.