Pulling back from the world is a part of the dying process not a natural part of the aging process. Sadly, our elderly tend to be minimized by both society and their families. Depression and loneliness is rampant particularly after retirement, death if a spouse or illness. This is not a "natural" part of aging. It is current societal construct which is not the same as detaching from the world as when dying. |
This thread is so old but I'm going through this now. My mom, is a widow , she's nearing retirement, has a flourishing social life ... She does call me occasionally and we email frequently but there are times where she will seriously hang up on me while I'm mid sentence and not ask a single thing about how I'm doing... It hurts but I just have to remember she is living a well deserved chapter of her own life now. |
I think this is normal—is she 70+? It’s part of life. At least she’s not lonely and complaining right? |
Why on earth are you spending more than you can afford on anyone?
Stop that immediately, OP. Your mother is old, and may or may not be in cognitive decline. My mother is 74 and has slowly started to behave in a similar fashion, except that this for me is a welcome change, because she used to nag and criticize me and the kids a lot, and now that she's less interested, she's actually more pleasant ![]() Let it go, and save your money for your retirement and college or other savings for your children. Your mother does not need expensive gifts. She can pout all she wants if she's disappointed. And for God's sake stop with the whiny tone and martyr complex! |
Probably not. My mother is like op described and has no money. |
Geez this must be universal. I called my mom today to tell her something important and got to hear in excruciating detail about last nights dream and a youtube video she watched. Even if she compliments me she follows it up with "But when I was your age I REALLY turned heads." |
My mom is like this but her mother was not. I think that Greatest Generation was just more mentally solid than other generations after them. |
This thread is old!
I don’t know why people were being so hard o. OP. I would be upset if one of my parents changed like this. But in OP’s case, that is a big change. People don’t normally just turn into narcissists when they get older. Something else is probably going on. My mom has ALWAYS been this way, and I’ve gradually distanced myself from her. I feel so much better now that I have people around me now that aren’t always making it all about themselves, all the time. |
My first take is that your growing resentment of your own financial situation is also growing negative feelings towards your Mom. |
The parent-child relationship starts out 100%-0% - with the parent giving 100% and the child giving back 0%. It slowly changes and should become 50%-50% when the child is an adult(of course this doesn’t always happen). Then, as the parent ages it often moves to be more focused on the parent than the child. The transition can be a bit bumpy.
Sometimes, when a parent pulls back and focuses more on themselves, the child feels like their parent no longer cares about them. |
This is what I see. Friends and cousins whose parents eventually needed memory care went through this exact phase in the decade before the dementia became obvious. OP, chalk it up to her aging. It's not really about you. |
She is declining back to the self-centered teenage years. Soon she will re-enter a childlike phase, and then a late in life toddlerhood. where she will need significant care and supervision.
It's the circle of life. |
What’s up with these rambling posts? Are these all troll post trying to see how much people are willing to invest in reading a post. If not then get an editor. |
This. 75+ seems to really hit hard. |
Gurl Bye! |