I wish I had never become a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is arguing with posters and venting on them in two threads making you feel better? I hope so.

Seems like you need to work out some aggression.

Better here then thinking about kicking the shit out of your son, as you said.

This post is not in the spirit of the SN board. IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You say you moved to be close to family. Are they helpful? Is that an added stress. I ask because family added stress to my situation. I'm full of family who don't or won't understand my dc's issues and are of the mindset that my kid is just coddled. It's a joy.

Yes, they are helpful in taking him off our hands when we need a break. But I don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk to about this, because I get the same attitude I get upthread - "your attitude sucks." Oh okay, thanks for the support. I'm having a bad day and your solution is to make me feel worse about myself. THAT is not helpful. So I don't talk about it to them, but I do reach out to ask for sitting help when I need a break.

Dude, you get breaks. You said upthread that you get breaks. You just don't like coming back to reality.

You will never find that magical perfect easy life, okay, OP? Some people get cancer and die, some have SN kids, some go bankrupt and lose their houses, some become alcoholics, some are hit by a DUI driver and are permanently paralyzed. Fuck, that's just in my family.

You are complaining because your life is stressful and doesn't match your ideal. Welcome to life. I can't believe you are so un-self-aware that you can't see that it is indeed your attitude that is the problem 100% here. No one is handed a perfect, easy life that's free of stress. So get some therapy, meds, exercise, whatever and learn how to deal with it. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is arguing with posters and venting on them in two threads making you feel better? I hope so.

Seems like you need to work out some aggression.

Better here then thinking about kicking the shit out of your son, as you said.

This post is not in the spirit of the SN board. IMO.

Just an observation of the OPs behavior and what she has actually said. I truly hope this is making her feel better, because it is in no way being productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is arguing with posters and venting on them in two threads making you feel better? I hope so.

Seems like you need to work out some aggression.

Better here then thinking about kicking the shit out of your son, as you said.

This post is not in the spirit of the SN board. IMO.

From the other thread she is "venting" in:

I haven't smacked him but I've thought about it. Sometimes I secretly want to kick the shit out of him. I did lose it a bit today when he refused to go in for camp. I grabbed his arm and jerked him in the damned door. I guess I"m supposed to quit my job, sell my house, live in trailer, liquidate the 401k's and spend 99% of my life with him b/c anything less creates drama and chaos. I am tired of getting emails from teachers, and camp counselors, and being pulled aside for furtive conversations, and having other parents look at me with their damned judgmental eyes that I want to claw out with my fingernails. As a kid, I would have LOVED to go to camp and swim and play with other kids and do crafts. Instead, I was stuck at home with my older sister while my (single) mom worked in a neighborhood with no kids and nothing to do and nowhere to go. I was bored shitless but you know what? I didn't bitch and moan and complain every minute of every day. I understand that ADHD and anxiety are brain disorders and I know intellectually that I shouldn't get so upset. But I just want to scream in his face - SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!! It's at the point where I don't even want to leave the house with him b/c I know he is going to be a sullen brat, refusing to do things that are fun for whatever Godforsaken reason I can't even understand. Oh, we're at the pool? I HATE THE POOL! We're at the zoo? I HATE THE ZOO? Mom and dad try to go out for 3 hours to have dinner? DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!! I'm going to scream and cry and throw a hissy fit and make you feel guilty and terrible and in a foul mood and ruin it for you anyway. I feel like a prisoner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP, your reality and perceived stress is your attitude. It's not your kid. It's not your job. It's not your husband. It's 100% your attitude. Even on here you have an excuse for every possible solution people offer. You are playing the victim. My husband and I have the same two kids both with different SN. And while I have had hard days, he's taken it to such a dark place because of how poorly he copes and deals with the punches of life. And honestly, while they can be hard and intense and make outings seem terrifying at times, they are beautiful kids. My husband is learning to change his outlook on life and now we are much happier as a family. In many ways, he as a spouse with his poor coping skills was harder on me than the kids. We both work full time jobs too. For the same of not only you, but your husband, get help.

+1

You probably have anxiety and depression, OP. It runs in families.

I have two kids with anxiety/panic disorder and I have it, too. My kids sometimes freak out and melt down from seeing a swinging sign at the grocery store. You do your best and you make it work. You don't come up with a million ways you are a victim and blame everyone in the world. You decided to become a parent, so OWN IT and get out of your fantasy no-kids daydream.

Don't wait for a referral for a therapist. Find one on http://locator.apa.org/ and GO TODAY.

Exactly. It's rare to find a kid with anxiety where neither of the parents have it... And it's even rarer to find someone with an anxiety disorder who does not have depression.

OP needs to be treated just as much as her kid. In fact, the dark distorted thinking is pretty classic for depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You say you moved to be close to family. Are they helpful? Is that an added stress. I ask because family added stress to my situation. I'm full of family who don't or won't understand my dc's issues and are of the mindset that my kid is just coddled. It's a joy.

Yes, they are helpful in taking him off our hands when we need a break. But I don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk to about this, because I get the same attitude I get upthread - "your attitude sucks." Oh okay, thanks for the support. I'm having a bad day and your solution is to make me feel worse about myself. THAT is not helpful. So I don't talk about it to them, but I do reach out to ask for sitting help when I need a break.

Dude, you get breaks. You said upthread that you get breaks. You just don't like coming back to reality.

You will never find that magical perfect easy life, okay, OP? Some people get cancer and die, some have SN kids, some go bankrupt and lose their houses, some become alcoholics, some are hit by a DUI driver and are permanently paralyzed. Fuck, that's just in my family.

You are complaining because your life is stressful and doesn't match your ideal. Welcome to life. I can't believe you are so un-self-aware that you can't see that it is indeed your attitude that is the problem 100% here. No one is handed a perfect, easy life that's free of stress. So get some therapy, meds, exercise, whatever and learn how to deal with it. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.

You're right, it probably would. I'll admit it. I have been struggling my whole life, and I'm tired of it. I really am. I know other people have it worse, and I'm sorry. But this is my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP, your reality and perceived stress is your attitude. It's not your kid. It's not your job. It's not your husband. It's 100% your attitude. Even on here you have an excuse for every possible solution people offer. You are playing the victim. My husband and I have the same two kids both with different SN. And while I have had hard days, he's taken it to such a dark place because of how poorly he copes and deals with the punches of life. And honestly, while they can be hard and intense and make outings seem terrifying at times, they are beautiful kids. My husband is learning to change his outlook on life and now we are much happier as a family. In many ways, he as a spouse with his poor coping skills was harder on me than the kids. We both work full time jobs too. For the same of not only you, but your husband, get help.

+1

You probably have anxiety and depression, OP. It runs in families.

I have two kids with anxiety/panic disorder and I have it, too. My kids sometimes freak out and melt down from seeing a swinging sign at the grocery store. You do your best and you make it work. You don't come up with a million ways you are a victim and blame everyone in the world. You decided to become a parent, so OWN IT and get out of your fantasy no-kids daydream.

Don't wait for a referral for a therapist. Find one on http://locator.apa.org/ and GO TODAY.

How many therapists have you ever found where you can get it same day? I've never had that luck.

Yes, I have anxiety and depression. And I deal with it as best I can. I am a fighter and do better than anyone else in my family ever did. And you know, that background is EXACTLY why in my 20's I said I never wanted to be married and have kids. And I should have been smart enough to listen to myself back then. Because now this. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have gotten a great deal of empathetic reactions here. So many of us understand.

But what is coming through consistently is extreme anger from you.

You need to address that. It is preventing you from benefiting even just from the goodwill here, let alone seeing any positives in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really OP, your reality and perceived stress is your attitude. It's not your kid. It's not your job. It's not your husband. It's 100% your attitude. Even on here you have an excuse for every possible solution people offer. You are playing the victim. My husband and I have the same two kids both with different SN. And while I have had hard days, he's taken it to such a dark place because of how poorly he copes and deals with the punches of life. And honestly, while they can be hard and intense and make outings seem terrifying at times, they are beautiful kids. My husband is learning to change his outlook on life and now we are much happier as a family. In many ways, he as a spouse with his poor coping skills was harder on me than the kids. We both work full time jobs too. For the same of not only you, but your husband, get help.

+1

You probably have anxiety and depression, OP. It runs in families.

I have two kids with anxiety/panic disorder and I have it, too. My kids sometimes freak out and melt down from seeing a swinging sign at the grocery store. You do your best and you make it work. You don't come up with a million ways you are a victim and blame everyone in the world. You decided to become a parent, so OWN IT and get out of your fantasy no-kids daydream.

Don't wait for a referral for a therapist. Find one on http://locator.apa.org/ and GO TODAY.

How many therapists have you ever found where you can get it same day? I've never had that luck.

Yes, I have anxiety and depression. And I deal with it as best I can. I am a fighter and do better than anyone else in my family ever did. And you know, that background is EXACTLY why in my 20's I said I never wanted to be married and have kids. And I should have been smart enough to listen to myself back then. Because now this. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Maybe it is. Maybe its how you approach your situation colored by your past regrets.

Did you ever address why your DH who contributes 30% couldn't be a SAHD, it wouldn't be that difficult to downsize 30% and you wouldn't need summer camp.

[Anonymous]

Since you have anxiety and depression and have had it for a long time, why aren't you getting treatment?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. I hope things get better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You say you moved to be close to family. Are they helpful? Is that an added stress. I ask because family added stress to my situation. I'm full of family who don't or won't understand my dc's issues and are of the mindset that my kid is just coddled. It's a joy.

Yes, they are helpful in taking him off our hands when we need a break. But I don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk to about this, because I get the same attitude I get upthread - "your attitude sucks." Oh okay, thanks for the support. I'm having a bad day and your solution is to make me feel worse about myself. THAT is not helpful. So I don't talk about it to them, but I do reach out to ask for sitting help when I need a break.

It is hard to find support. It's hard for all of us to find support. It's also hard not to judge what is perceived as hostility to your child. Your words and terse writing style definitely cause a reaction. I have a child like yours and had to battle the school system and family. I have dropped most of my friends who don't have kids with disabilities because I felt if I heard one more ignorant comment, I would lose it. The advice, oh god, the stupid advice made me want to tear my hair out. I avoided so many people, my life has become a game of avoiding people. It kills me when people at my sweet kid like he has cooties. Like another poster, my dc's anxieties have improved drastically with maturity and a change of meds. Things really and truly have gotten better.

Our kids disabilities are so different that it makes it hard to be understanding. I've seen a lot of one upsmanship with disabilities among parents too. You know, the "my kids not doing a playdate with yours because Larlo only has dyslexia" kind of thing. BUT when you have perceived disapproval know that you there quite likely was someone feeling sympathy or wanting to help who remained quiet. How could I show you support if I saw you in one of these tense moments? The people who stand there quietly often aren't judging. You probably have people around who don't judge you but have no clue what to do or say.

Good luck op. I've criticized some of your comments but I truly hope things get better and you find support. You and your dc deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have gotten a great deal of empathetic reactions here. So many of us understand.

But what is coming through consistently is extreme anger from you.

You need to address that. It is preventing you from benefiting even just from the goodwill here, let alone seeing any positives in your life.

Yes, I am angry. Is that a crime? I am angry that a whole team of doctors, therapists and counselors doesn't know how to fix this. I am angry that these supposedly educated people's best advice is "trial and error." I am angry that stupid uninformed people think it is their place to try and correct or comment on my parenting to my face or make comments about my child when he is standing RIGHT THERE AND CAN HEAR THEM. I am angry that I gave this poor child my stupid fucking genes and now he has to deal with this. And I'm angry at myself that I created this mess when I knew at 25 that I shouldn't.

[Anonymous]

OP, how can we help you.
Venting is not helping you.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to add, I'm proud of you for posting here and staying around. It's good you're a fighter but don't waste that energy here with us. Read and take what you want. We all kind of suck at this parenting thing often enough. Welcome to the family.