I wish I had never become a parent

[Anonymous]

Seriously go to your doc and say these things and get on an anti-depressant. It changed my outlook completely!

You are overwhelmed with everything but you can get through it!

Here is the thing: most of us go into this parenting thing thinking it's going to be joy and fun and fulfillment... and when it's not - because that's mostly horse shit - we feel badly about ourselves.

Life in general is not about happiness and joy and fun. It's finding the small things to cling to and love and the ability to derive meaning from the slice of life you create for yourself.

If meds can jumpstart that for you.... go get 'em, sister! The best thing I did for myself was to breakdown in my doc's office and say how overwhelmed I felt by parenting my SN kid and that I thought of killing myself on a daily basis. She put me on a low-dose anti-depressent and I felt so much better. Nothing changed except how I perceived my situation! Then, I was able to make changes!

GOOD LUCK! and HUGS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A child is the most rewarding thing in the world"

This is complete bull shit. I'm the poster not sympathetic to op above, but this is just mindless garbage.

100% bullshit. PP can go back to lala land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has these feelings sometimes. They just can't talk about them because we are "supposed" to find every moment with our children to be a joy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be honest about our feelings, rather than pretending our life is always Facebook worthy and Pinterest perfect? That's not real life for most of us, even if we act like that's what is going on. But I guess the grass is always greener. Hang in there.

I don't agree that everyone feels this level of hatred this often. Therapy is a must for op.

Hatred? Jesus Christ. I don't think I expressed hatred at all, anywhere.

Flame away, people. This is supposed to be a supportive group and a safe place to vent, but by all means keep on projecting and being nasty. I don't know why I expect more from most people on these forums. I'm signing off since it appears I'll just be attacked here for being honest.

Vent away but don't expect to post what you have and not expect readers to react. I have lived this. I'm not being nasty. You are in denial.
You need to take time away from this and get therapy.

Thanks, Captain Obvious. I am doing that. I am SOOOOO sick of being told to seek therapy, as if I don't already know that. Sometimes you just need to vent. Do you not get that? Or are you perfect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously go to your doc and say these things and get on an anti-depressant. It changed my outlook completely!

You are overwhelmed with everything but you can get through it!

Here is the thing: most of us go into this parenting thing thinking it's going to be joy and fun and fulfillment... and when it's not - because that's mostly horse shit - we feel badly about ourselves.

Life in general is not about happiness and joy and fun. It's finding the small things to cling to and love and the ability to derive meaning from the slice of life you create for yourself.

If meds can jumpstart that for you.... go get 'em, sister! The best thing I did for myself was to breakdown in my doc's office and say how overwhelmed I felt by parenting my SN kid and that I thought of killing myself on a daily basis. She put me on a low-dose anti-depressent and I felt so much better. Nothing changed except how I perceived my situation! Then, I was able to make changes!

GOOD LUCK! and HUGS!

So what is the meaning of life for you? Seriously. Because to me, right now, it all feels like a bunch of pointless bullshit. Crawling around on this planet like an ant, running from home to work to home and for what? So my child can be miserable? So that we can feel miserable and helpless not knowing how to help him? This is life?

And by the way, I am on meds and they keep me sane most days but I still don't get what the whole big existential meaning of life is. I really don't.

[Anonymous]

Besides the anti-depressant (which, it sounds like you're ready for, OP), you need a damn weekend away! With friends or just by yourself.

Tell DH where you're at - emotionally - tell him you need a night or two away. Go to a hotel, order room service, get a massage. Don't worry about the expense. It's an investment in your mental health. Go for a run. Eat ice cream. Drink 7 margaritas. Just go relax. Come back, take your anti-depressant, get in the car and go to work. Life isn't peaches for anyone, OP. We are all just learning how to cope and adjust to what we've been given.

[Anonymous]

I would also say that a child CAN BE the most rewarding thing... but it is not necessarily true for every person. If it's not true for OP, that's ok.

Motherhood is not the most fulfilling thing for me either. But I do the best job I can. I love that kid tremendously. I check all the boxes for reading time and extracurriculars and meals-made. But come bedtime - I need "me" time. W/o that time to recharge, I would be a crazy person!... oh and the meds too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Besides the anti-depressant (which, it sounds like you're ready for, OP), you need a damn weekend away! With friends or just by yourself.

Tell DH where you're at - emotionally - tell him you need a night or two away. Go to a hotel, order room service, get a massage. Don't worry about the expense. It's an investment in your mental health. Go for a run. Eat ice cream. Drink 7 margaritas. Just go relax. Come back, take your anti-depressant, get in the car and go to work. Life isn't peaches for anyone, OP. We are all just learning how to cope and adjust to what we've been given.

I do these things periodically. But then reality is always there waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" cash cow/maid/harried victim of my child's issues/constant needs. "

and this is where you lose me. You blame your child, who does not choose to have these issues, for all your problems.
Does your child see you as a cash cow or a maid? Really answer this one op. Maybe it's your so/dh who sees you as this.

You feel you are a victim of your child? Your child didn't choose any of this. You are the one with all the choices and control. But, god damn, go ahead and blame your kid. It's easier.

No. I don't blame him. I blame me for not sticking to my guns and letting stupid biology get the better of me and not living the life I really wanted to live in my 20's.

You don't have to blame him, but it sounds like he needs to step out and help out more, or you need to be more vocal about letting him know that you need help what he can do. My husband loves our kids, but he's shit at contributing unless I tell him point blank what I need him to do. Phrasing it like "I wish you would help me more... do this more... blah blah" didn't work. It has to be "I need you to give the kids their bath." "I'm trying to make dinner can you come watch the kids." "I cooked, so can you please do the dishes?" "I need a break. Can you please take the kids outside?". "It's Thursday, can you take the garbage cans out?" Etc etc etc. It sounds bad, but he's just oblivious. It took me almost having a nervous breakdown for him to suggest I get therapy. Even so, he still doesn't notice things need doing unless I tell him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Besides the anti-depressant (which, it sounds like you're ready for, OP), you need a damn weekend away! With friends or just by yourself.

Tell DH where you're at - emotionally - tell him you need a night or two away. Go to a hotel, order room service, get a massage. Don't worry about the expense. It's an investment in your mental health. Go for a run. Eat ice cream. Drink 7 margaritas. Just go relax. Come back, take your anti-depressant, get in the car and go to work. Life isn't peaches for anyone, OP. We are all just learning how to cope and adjust to what we've been given.

I do these things periodically. But then reality is always there waiting.

OP, based on what you are writing here you need to get to a therapist ASAP. You sound like the dark place you are in is getting darker. You need help... NOW. Take a sick day, do whatever you have to do but get yourself some help now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" cash cow/maid/harried victim of my child's issues/constant needs. "

and this is where you lose me. You blame your child, who does not choose to have these issues, for all your problems.
Does your child see you as a cash cow or a maid? Really answer this one op. Maybe it's your so/dh who sees you as this.

You feel you are a victim of your child? Your child didn't choose any of this. You are the one with all the choices and control. But, god damn, go ahead and blame your kid. It's easier.

No. I don't blame him. I blame me for not sticking to my guns and letting stupid biology get the better of me and not living the life I really wanted to live in my 20's.

You don't have to blame him, but it sounds like he needs to step out and help out more, or you need to be more vocal about letting him know that you need help what he can do. My husband loves our kids, but he's shit at contributing unless I tell him point blank what I need him to do. Phrasing it like "I wish you would help me more... do this more... blah blah" didn't work. It has to be "I need you to give the kids their bath." "I'm trying to make dinner can you come watch the kids." "I cooked, so can you please do the dishes?" "I need a break. Can you please take the kids outside?". "It's Thursday, can you take the garbage cans out?" Etc etc etc. It sounds bad, but he's just oblivious. It took me almost having a nervous breakdown for him to suggest I get therapy. Even so, he still doesn't notice things need doing unless I tell him.

OP here. PP was saying I blame my son. I don't. I don't blame my husband either. I chose this life and yeah, it's exactly what I feared in my early 20's and what I dismissed when I fell in love because, you know, love conquers all of whatever Hallmark bullshit I decided to buy hook, line and sinker.

But to your point, my husband is amazing. I call him this morning after our horrific scene of a camp dropoff, and he called me back 30 minutes later to say I've called the pediatrician, I've booked a consult with the therapist, and I will take care of dinner tonight.

Despite that, I still feel the way I do. I feel overwhelmed by it all and tired of the constant stress, worry and battles. My husband can cook every dinner and wash every dish and every stitch of clothing and give me massages and girl's nights all he wants, but he can't fix our kid anymore than I can. So all of those things are nice, but they are little band-aids that only hold for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Besides the anti-depressant (which, it sounds like you're ready for, OP), you need a damn weekend away! With friends or just by yourself.

Tell DH where you're at - emotionally - tell him you need a night or two away. Go to a hotel, order room service, get a massage. Don't worry about the expense. It's an investment in your mental health. Go for a run. Eat ice cream. Drink 7 margaritas. Just go relax. Come back, take your anti-depressant, get in the car and go to work. Life isn't peaches for anyone, OP. We are all just learning how to cope and adjust to what we've been given.

I do these things periodically. But then reality is always there waiting.

OP, based on what you are writing here you need to get to a therapist ASAP. You sound like the dark place you are in is getting darker. You need help... NOW. Take a sick day, do whatever you have to do but get yourself some help now.

I'm the PP who recommended the night away. C'mon OP, of course reality will always be there. There is no escaping it. I agree with the most recent PP, you need to find some help. That's what your sick days are for. If a weekend away only delays your darkness (rather than recharges your energy), then you are in need. I hope you find the help you need or you're going to throw your life and your child's childhood down the drain.

[Anonymous]

OP where do you live? Perhaps we posters can suggest a good therapist in your area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP where do you live? Perhaps we posters can suggest a good therapist in your area?

I am not in the DC area. I already have asked for a recommendation from my child's therapist. But thank you.

[Anonymous]

Hey - all of us get angry and depressed. You are not dealing constructively with it at the moment. Maybe this "moment" is going on really long. Have you considered going back to the doc to have meds changed, increased or switched?

Do not wallow in the place you are in right now. It's temporary. Make a list of all the good things you have going on in your life. Hey - it sounds like your husband does more than mine!

Then, when you are calm, make list of things that need to change and then talk it through with your partner.

I had to bribe my kid to get him to stay at camp that first day... but now he loves it! Perhaps this is just a small setback on the camp thing and you are so frazzled by it. I get it. We have mostly all been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has these feelings sometimes. They just can't talk about them because we are "supposed" to find every moment with our children to be a joy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be honest about our feelings, rather than pretending our life is always Facebook worthy and Pinterest perfect? That's not real life for most of us, even if we act like that's what is going on. But I guess the grass is always greener. Hang in there.

Thanks. I think I might post on FB - yes, my kid has ADHD and anxiety and my life is currently a hell and no I haven't responded to your voicemails or texts and I don't answer the phone because I don't have time and I don't have energy and I don't want your unsolicited and uninformed advice and I know that some of you talk about me behind my back. I don't like my kid today and we had a terrible morning and I have no adorabe pictures to photoshop in sepia tones and upload for posterity.

I'm the PP on this, and I love the response. At least it's real. Facebook gives us the this idea that every moment you are with your kid is pure bliss, and IME that's not true-- it's tough sometimes, and it can be nice to know that other people struggle too. And for those who flame, I don't see hatred, I do see overwhelmed. And I do thing most working moms feel This way ---sometimes--- not every minute, but we have these thoughts. And feel guilty about them and like terrible parents because of responses like the ones above.