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Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities
I wish I had never become a parent
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Anonymous
| I wish I could rewind the clock to 27, stay on course to get my MBA, live on my own, chart my own course. I love my husband and son but my kid is exhausting and his issues make me vacillate between feeling like a fucking failure, furious anger, and complete despair. Sometimes I think if I had stuck to my guns in my 20's - when I proclaimed that I NEVER wanted to get married or have children - that it would have been better and I would be much happier today. I could focus on my career without guilt. I could spend my free time and my money traveling and being with friends instead of going to and paying for therapy appointments. I wouldn't be too exhausted to have sex and could feel like a woman instead of a cash cow/maid/harried victim of my child's issues/constant needs. |
Anonymous
| there are no guarantees that your MBA would result into anything or that you would be sucesfull. A child is the most rewarding thing in the world. |
Anonymous
I suppose. It doesn't feel very "rewarding" at the moment. It feels like a joyless hell. |
Anonymous
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OP, it's okay if your child ISN'T the most rewarding thing in the world for you. You obviously still need to be a good parent (and I bet you are) - and it's okay to need somewhere to vent. It's also okay to need to develop some outside interests of your own to stay sane.
Don't let people guilt you for having these socially "unacceptable" feelings. I think they're more common than is let on. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry you are having such a rough time OP.
Your child's issues may or may not get better, but you can try to change how you feel about them and your lot in life. Strongly suggest finding a good counselor for you so you can grieve, come to terms with your situation, and find ways of coping. If you are as angry IRL as you seem in this post it must be hard to get through the day. Wishing you well. |
Anonymous
Thanks. But seriously, who has time to develop outside interests? I've tried, and it usually blows up in my face. I work/commute 10 hours a day. I also travel for work and occasionally have evening or weekend responsibilities too. I contribute about 70% of our household income. By the time I get home, make dinner, deal with the drama of homework/chores/bedtime, I'm exhausted. On the weekends I'm shopping and taking care of our home. I got a house cleaning service to free up more time for us on the weekends, but that's usually a joke these days. My child is so anxious about everything that going anywhere and having "fun" is just more work than it's worth half the time. All that "relaxing fun time" just generates more stress for our family. I love my child fiercely but parenting him provides zero fulfillment or reward. It's like one long extended guilt trip. And I fear that he will always be this way and have a miserable life, and that somehow that will be my fault too. |
Anonymous
Today? Yes, it's hard to get through the day. Most days I can handle it. But probably 1-2 days a month I just want to throw in the towel and say fuck it and run away and never, ever come back. |
Anonymous
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OP are you the poster on the "vent it here" thread talking about her son with ADHD/Anxiety? Either way - I am so sorry that you feel so overwhelmed.
What kind of therapy are you getting for yourself? |
Anonymous
| Everyone has these feelings sometimes. They just can't talk about them because we are "supposed" to find every moment with our children to be a joy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be honest about our feelings, rather than pretending our life is always Facebook worthy and Pinterest perfect? That's not real life for most of us, even if we act like that's what is going on. But I guess the grass is always greener. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
Yes. I hate my fucking life today. I have a ton of shit to do at work but I can't focus and I just don't give a shit. It all seems so damned pointless anyway. Therapy for me. Har har. On what time? I've written my son's therapist to ask for a referral to a therapist for parents of kids with these issues. |
Anonymous
Thanks. I think I might post on FB - yes, my kid has ADHD and anxiety and my life is currently a hell and no I haven't responded to your voicemails or texts and I don't answer the phone because I don't have time and I don't have energy and I don't want your unsolicited and uninformed advice and I know that some of you talk about me behind my back. I don't like my kid today and we had a terrible morning and I have no adorabe pictures to photoshop in sepia tones and upload for posterity. |
Anonymous
Good! Baby steps, OP. Again, I am sorry today sucks so much. Try to take things minute by minute, hour by hour. Don't overwhelm yourself focusing on the long term or the "what ifs." Just put one foot in front of the other today and keep going. |
Anonymous
| It seems that your job is more of a problem than your child. Please get therapy. Where is your dh in this? You need a regular break. I could be wrong and making invalid assumptions but your anger toward your child is misplaced. |
Anonymous
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Join the club of I wish I had known. Now you have to play the life game.
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Anonymous
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Maybe your dh is a problem as well. Something is off if you commute so many hours, provide the majority of the income, and are more than 50% responsible for your child's issues.
Op's aggravations should be 1. so or dh's lack of support 2. commute 3. job 4. child |